TeeDee

I have only seen this be successful once. They were HS sweethearts. She dumped him early freshman year of college because he wasn't mature enough. Around age 22-23 they bumped into each other at a party. They started dating about a year later. They dated for 5 & have now been married for 6 years with two cute toddlers. I only tried to reconnect once. We broke up then tried to get back together a few months later. Something was just off. . .that magic, that sparkle was gone. 25 years later we still sometimes bump into each other at professional industry events. We can manage a polite conversation for a few minutes. We sent each other cards when various parents have passed away over the years but we are each married to other people.

Waaaaayyyyyy too much drama for 3 measly weeks. You are also operating under 1 very serious miscalculation; You think you are both mature enough to be professional at work if you stop dating. You may be mature enough to do that but that's not in the ballpark of what she's capable of. Prepare yourself for a real sh1tstorm at work. Do tell HR or your boss because I guarantee Ava is going to attack the new girl because you mentioned her name.

You need to change your self-talk, that inner dialogue that is making you stressed. 3 YEARS ago in a stressful setting your BF said some stupid / mean stuff because he was frustrated & immature. He wasn't accounting for your virginity. Yes what he said was awful but presumably there are good things about this relationship that caused you to stay for 3 years. That is a long time. Instead of focusing on the bad past remember the good things, including that he expressed remorse. Work on your self esteem / self confidence. With your doctor work to get off the SSRIs to focus on more holistic ways of coping like mediation, mindfulness, prayer, yoga, exercise whatever works for you.

Why not? Do you really think that being divorced would be more miserable then you are right now?

There are resources for you in your country. Get in touch with them: Home - Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (lagosdsva.org)

I think time will tell. If things are good, you stressing out will damage things, not him. She's his EX for a reason even if they share a child. She is not going to wake up one day & decides she wants him back. If he is telling you things were over before they made it official & broke up believe him. Some people process before they act. I was one of them. I'd give somebody every chance before I broke up with them so when I finally did, I was well & truly over it. Especially if they never married, there has to be a reason they could never commit. That should be a good deal of evidence for you that there is no going back for him. You don't know that they didn't try to fix it before they ended it. You are assuming they just gave up. You have no proof & I'd bet they did try. It wasn't meant to be. Be nice to the kid but not obsequious. I dated one man with a child. I will share with you what I said to him every time he tried to use me as a sounding board regarding his EX: "be generous to your son & fair to his mother." I also worked very hard not to say anything negative about the EX in front of the kid even though I didn't like her.

She's not playing games. She bluntly told you she wants CASUAL. Yes, you should call to confirm. It sounds like you don't want casual so on this "date" tomorrow, tell her you would prefer something less casual but don't press her for a label. The word probably scares her more than the behavior right now. Ease into that part but don't settle for less than what you want.

It's obvious that you are VERY angry. You don't have to tell us, but do you know where that anger comes from? Sticking up for yourself is wonderful. Sticking up for yourself by tearing somebody else down is not helpful or productive. If you are happy about the way things are in your marriage, why did you even post?

Me thinks you accepted this job too quickly. You should have checked with that recruiter before you said yes to this. That level of quick decision making followed by regret & a plan to job hop again makes me question your work ethic. Even if you should have listened to your gut, you didn't. Now you have to honor that commitment, IMO. Look at the positives. View yourself as an agent of change. Maybe nobody ever educated the CEO or the manager about better ways to manage people. I'm reading a book about workplace EQ & these people seem to have missed some of that but with a little diplomacy you may be able to elevate the workplace. Do plan to stick it out for at least 6 months if not a year. With the higher salary & better title this position may be a great launch pad for an even better job.

You don't address it directly now. He was off work, bored & seeking entertainment. You fit that bill in the moment. You do need to address this indirectly for a lot of reasons including preventing awkwardness. To that end, you would have been better served by replying to his message that you had to work because you are busy at work. Going forward occasionally mention how you appreciate your cordial professional interactions & that you are happy to have met him. Use words like colleague, friend & acquaintance. Never touch him. Don't laugh too much at his jokes. Try to avoid being alone with him. Do your best to keep conversations focused on work or superficial small talk subjects.

If you are open to interacting with her on her terms -- no commitment -- keep doing what you are doing. If you want a relationship & daily texting she is not your girl.

Right now you have a prom date. That is a romantic setting. Go with minimal expectations beyond having fun. See what happens. After prom if you are still confused then you can reach out & ask to clarify. That is a conversation best had in person. Do NOT try to deal with something so deep & emotional over text. It won't work. You need to be able to look at him & hear his tone & he needs to see & hear you too. You may have to be brave & be the one who opens up 1st telling him you like him & you want to see where this goes. You may get rejected. Your timing may be off, especially if you are both leaving for college in the fall. It's worth the risk though

She already said no politely. The most you can do is tell her she knows where to find you if that other guy doesn't work out. Doing anything else makes you an unwelcome pest who isn't respecting her boundaries. Don't be a homewrecker.

You have duties too. Traditional marriage vows include the obligation to "love, honor & cherish" your partner. I don't see where being abusive or controlling toward him fits in that rubric. I get that you are saying you enjoy the power imbalance but that is your issue / shortcoming & you really need to work on that sadistic side of yourself. It's not healthy. It's also not conducive to encouraging him to stay home & want to spend time with you. Have you ever heard the phrase "you catch more flies with honey then vinegar?" It means that if you are sweet, you are more likely to get what you want: your husband at home. "Reveling in his wounded pride" & basically emasculating him will drive him away. Your threats to keep his kids away from him will work against you. In a divorce, the court is obligated to do what is best for the kids. Leaving them with the mean parent who intentionally hurt the other parent doesn't sound like that is what is best for the kids. You can still be a leader in your marriage without being abusive, mean or intentionally hurtful. In doing these things what do you think you are teaching your children? You need to find a better & more productive way to "feel alive". Take up skydiving or something if you want a rush. Learn exotic animal training or join law enforcement (assuming you can pass the psych portion) if you need to feel in control. Honestly I feel bad for your husband. If I read a post written from his side, I'd be encouraging him to divorce you & fight for full custody on the grounds that you are an unfit mother.

Be open to your second choice school. That might be the best place for you. Volunteering somewhere doing something you care about can be a great way to meet like minded people. Getting involved with a sports team (to play) can also be fun. A warm smile & a firm handshake can be your ticket into anywhere. It's a skill people learn as we grow. It's OK that certain milestones didn't happen for you yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. It will come.