Batya33

On one of my mom groups on FB someone just posted that her husband turned up the volume on the song Landslide as they drove to get their child at college. How it always makes her cry. Same and I love the song and the release it gives me!

Who cares why - please don't make a child keep this sort of secret. Kind of interesting you're criticizing this child given your choices and behaviors.

I'm so glad you've listed your accomplishments -they're really something! I'm so sorry you are sad. I would encourage you to call a suicide hotline or similar resource. I hope you feel better.

Yes, I was giving a hypothetical of where it is ok for a partner to intervene if his or her partner seems to be in an unprofessional or unethical situation with a health care provider.

At some point you are acting in an abusive way to your brother who is a child. Your brother would not be snitching. He knows that your father would never want this situation with one of his employees. Go tell your father, and if you are afraid of a violent reaction seek out help to avoid that or tell him you will call the authorities whatever if he reacts with violence or abuse towards you. Your employee knows what she did was unprofessional and risked her termination.

It's tough out there. I dated for 24 years on and off and felt that way at times. Time to switch it up! All that needs to work is you will meet a person -albeit no guarantees -one person who is right for you. Not a perfect person. And if your goal is not to find one right person but to enjoy dating lots of people then that's fine too and that's also hard!

And sure there are exceptions. If a professional is a bad apple whether a therapist or medical doctor it's totally fine for the partner to speak up if something seems off. Whether it's about a female who was unprofessionally flirtatious or giving medical or mental health advice that seems way out of bounds -sometimes the objective outsider can see that better than the patient. When I was 10 we went to family therapy a few times. I liked going because afterwards we would go to a yummy restaurant lol. The doctor -a stern looking man - responded to me when I described one of my family members as "crazy" - he corrected me and said something didactic like "we don't use that language -we say "neurotic"" or some 10 dollar term. I said right to him "we're paying you ___/hour and I'll say what I feel." I stand by that 47 years later and if my partner hypothetically told me that his therapist was trying to control the words he used in that harsh way I'd be concerned too!

When it comes to unpacking, since I pack for myself and my son I unpack ASAP because I actually need a number of the items in the bag and sometimes like if the hotel had a pool there is wet stuff so that needs to go in the washing machine ASAP. Also otherwise in our small space the suitcase blocks access. And I make sure there is no food left over that might have been opened, the liquids have to be put away to prevent a disaster lol. We can't leave anything in the car really for safety reasons and often we don't use the car at all for a trip. There also are some really small items -like my son's braces wax or meds that need to be put away in their proper place. Before we leave I try to have all the laundry in the plastic laundry bag easily accessible so I can unzip the suitcase in our entrance way and dump it right in the machine.

Yes, and that was not my experience. Individual people can be catty. I have many reasons why I think women are mislabeled this way and they're not pretty so to speak. Been working full time a total of 18 years and part time 7 years. Worked part time in all female environments during high school and college -so add on another 8 years. Have worked in a huge array of environments. I'm not a feminist and I hate that stereotype and its origins. And I have tons and tons of indirect experience through my husband, friends, family friends, colleagues, former classmates, you name it. I can't stand that catty label and it really holds good people back and not just women. Ick. When my MIL passed away my husband - was grief stricken. Me too. And it was so hard in the years before she passed. We loved her so. I encouraged him to seek out grief counseling through his employer (it's an employee assistance program -a fairly typical service). He did not but it never ever occurred to me (1) to have any concerns about the gender of the counselor; or (2) what he would choose to share even if not directly related to the loss of his mom. And as I wrote above I'd never have asked him about his sessions other than maybe "oh you had your session - hope it went ok!" - in my experience men can show more reluctance to seek counseling -he was not depressed in that sense but obviously it was a huge loss and her illness and our care for her and his role in it as an only child -I mean obviously I was there to support him and help. And -I'm no professional!

I think we all do at times -I mean where's that parenting manual?? Also if you let yourself look at too much social media you can feel like a failure with all the shoulds and the humble brag photos. "Oh, another weekend ... another regatta!" (yes true post). Often it's the best parents who sometimes feel like failures -obviously you care a lot! And who the heck knew what was right -parenting wise -during the pandemic?? Just like with work -you do you- trust in yourself, have self confidence and really resist the urge to compare. For example on the unusual days my son gets up while I'm still having my breakfast and coffee (I get up wayyyyy early to get my workout and me time in before my husband and son get up) I tell him - please do your own thing until I'm done with my breakfast (emergencies aside). He's 15 and I would have said this a couple of years ago too. I love that he gets it -he gets that I love him to pieces, he gets that I'm not going to be this "oh I'm allll about you! at your beck and call!" if it's still my me time/pre-coffee. It means he can take space too. Obviously when he was 4 or 5 different story. We teach our kids by taking space too - have them feel that core of care and love and see you also caring for yourself and putting your oxygen mask on first sometimes. But if I look at social media it's all that silly martyrdom "moms are like the 3 bears -the one whose porridge was always cold" or "oh we have an 8am baseball game followed by shopping for clothes for Spirit Week at school followed by his math enrichment class and tee hee I guess my lunch is a cold brew from starbucks and an energy bar again -oh well!!!" I bet I'm not exaggerating Don't make it more difficult than it is. And I agree with all the others on taking care with work-life balance and please know it's a work in progress -there's no black and white solution IMHO. I still work on what works for me. Good luck and take care.

My parents married in 1956 and their wedding photo had this same style and look - love it! I adored my grandparents too. Such a blessing. My mother grew up in a heavily Greek neighborhood in NYC!

Please see all the red flags especially her irrational stereotypical nonsense about women being "catty" and especially in this professional context. Is she an educated person -I mean not just academic -is she someone who's seen the world/wants to see the world -does she do cultural stuff, read or listen to content that expands her world in a genuine and smart way? Is she catty? Does she live her life too focused on cliches and assumptions and stereotypes in this negative way? I don't think therapists are motivated solely or mostly by money. I'm sure many therapists provide free services too, or would - a good therapist is dedicated to their chosen profession and wants to make a contribution to a client for healing purposes. There's no "stranger" about it - telling a non-professional random stranger personal stuff obviously might be a bad idea and there's no promise it will be kept confidential. Or heard through a perspective of learning/insight that therapists do -for years and years. If someone poo poos therapy as "paying someone to listen to you whine" that's just that person's ignorance. I went to my dermatologist for my annual skin check this past Friday and I noticed for the first time that one of the intake questions referred to a domestic violence screening. I am not in that situation in the least but it was intriguing to me -I was so happy to see that there since my sense is most of the patients are female -or a larger portion? - and obviously the doctor will see bruising or the like. I asked her about that part of the form and she explained that while she's not required to report evidence of domestic violence she feels that those questions might motivate a person in danger to share information so she can share resources/support etc. A therapist is the same -a professional providing a safe, confidential space to share what is going on and then the therapist can either help with their training or if needed for example refer you to get medication or see a different sort of therapist. Showing a stranger your bruising -or your inner bruising - has a remote likelihood of leading to help or resolution. And -doesn't your girlfriend want you to resolve whatever hurts you have? In a safe way and with a professional? If it hurts that much has she come up with alternatives other than "I don't think you need therapy so stop".

For me it depends what the need is targeted to. For me personally other than in extreme circumstances I'd be uncomfortable needing my husband to be the sole financial provider. I'd be comfortable if I don't know - I lost all my savings/assets through a crime let's say then I would be fine being dependent and needing him to fund all we do and I do. I don't need to be with him to have a sense of self-worth. I did on a practical level need him in order to be a momma in the biological sense - because I was unwilling to be a single mother by choice and unwilling to have a child outside of a stable healthy marriage. But did I "need" to be a mother? No however I wanted it desperately. I do need him to accommodate the inconvenience of when I work out. I try to even things out by accommodating him in other ways -his schedule, his lifestyle - but yes if he said no - it would take away the slice of heaven it feels like to me to have my morning routine the way it is. It actually does feel like a mental and physical health need. But -again - is it? I still don't know where that want/need line is drawn. I dislike feeling needy. I dislike being around needy people. So needing someone is healthy -and there's a point where it's not -just like stubbornly refusing help because heaven forbid you have to admit you need help - is also unhealthy.

Please cut yourself slack -80% with kids is showing up -no need to be 100% present at all times to have your child benefit greatly -and you too! You were thinking -not like you checked work email right? Even that would be ok during a lull. Gym is a great idea -I work out so much of my negative energy/work stress/parenting stress in my daily workout. I personally would not move to a less intense area of work if you risk being bored. Less intense if the boss/managers are less intense or more pleasant -yes I get it.

I agree. There always will be people like this who make comments like that - and consider how awesome it is that your girlfriend is that much safer from the risks of being attacked - she must feel less vulnerable/at risk out there in the world. I'd simply acknowledge the lame comments and move along like "oh -yes -I suppose so - anyway - (change subject). What your girlfriend is doing and has accomplished is so very impressive IMHO.