Andrina

You've made your efforts to plan outings with a friend and with the group, so you've done your part. Things have evolved to no longer being satisfying for you, so I'd no longer make efforts with any of them. Maybe your college friend will eventually realize he misses your company and goes back to making plans with you, or maybe he won't. Just know that it's common for friendships to evolve, either for the good or the bad. It's happened for me and every person I know. Some people choose to talk to their friend and divulge their feelings about the situation, asking for what they expect. I've never done that and choose to take their actions as all I need to know. That I should move my spare time to enjoyable things which no longer involves someone who no longer values my friendship like they once did, or at least once pretended to. You can join Meetup.com groups to meet new people to hang out with. You could even start your own Meetup group where you meet at a certain hour before the game at the bar like you're doing now, and then head over to the game together. You can also join other groups that hike together, go to local festivals together, etc. When old friends fade away, it leaves room to form new friends. It sometimes takes longer than you'd like to fill that space that is no longer there, and takes time to build new friendships, but you have to be up for the challenge because the alternative is having no company. Take care.

If you communicating with him didn't work, and he obviously didn't make any effort according to what the counselor said, then there's nothing left to try unless you come across a genie in a bottle or a magic wand. I divorced my ex husband after a very long marriage. His depression was the sort where he expressed it in anger. Antidepressants worked for a time until he stopped taking them. He felt the counselor was always on my side and crossed his arms as though he were being attacked. I found a happier new chapter in life when I divorced him and got to a good place in life, eventually finding a better life partner. Take care and keep us updated.

It doesn't matter what you perceive his reasons for being abusive toward you entails. Nobody gets a free pass. If a person can't be civil and kind the majority of the time toward their partner, then he shouldn't have one. Your self worth is severely lacking for not walking away as soon as you saw this pattern. He's not going to change so you need to by breaking up and then building your self love so that you will never accept this sort of poor treatment again. P.S. My husband is autistic and he's never been verbally abusive toward me. Some of his social skills, in certain situations, are atypical, but that has never involved being mean-spirited.

Due to immaturity on many levels, there were several mistakes made. Nobody should ever tag along on anyone's interview. After an interview, one shouldn't become a patron, because staff can become miffed with a customer. Or overhear conversations between the interviewee and their buddy which could give them negative vibes. True friends sometimes have to bite their tongues to keep whom they think is a valuable friend. Your "friend" did not hold back her criticism and punished you by making you walk home. If someone did this to me, she would no longer be my friend. I got miffed at a friend once for making me late to a concert we were attending. I held my tongue but in the future, did not invite her to anymore concerts. I made different plans with her that wouldn't result in me missing out on timely things.

IMO, guys like that are oglers, constantly scanning for eye candy. They relish the moment, which is why their looking lasts too long and other people notice that. I feel like I'm a normal person in the area of noticing an exceptionally good looking person. If I'm out and about, said person has to cross my path or be in such close proximity that I'm bound to see them. I have not scouted the room for hotties. And then if my husband was with me, I'd have the intelligence to be furtive in my admiration of the handsome stranger's looks. You were right to not waste another second with the dweeb.

Always be your genuine self. If that's not good enough for someone, then he's not your special, forever person. Instead of worrying about numerous, negative possibilities, why not just stick to what you know your standards are and always let that guide you. The secret is to be a wise dater and to practice resiliency. Have a wait-and-see attitude and let time reveal all. It's ridiculous to fear things won't work out, because if it doesn't, it was for good reason and then you're free to find a keeper. Keep your mindset as, "A guy will treat me like the special person I am or I'm outta there." The one thing you need to have a rule for yourself on is leaving if his interactions with his ex crosses boundaries. He and his ex should only be communicating about their shared parenting. If conversations veer to personal matters of missing each other or drama about jealousy of them in the dating world or him doing favors for her that have nothing to do with their child, then that's a warning to you that he shouldn't be dating until that part of his life is well into the rearview mirror. Don't meet his child until you know the relationship has entered a serious stage, which shouldn't even be before the 6 month mark. And then just have the expectation that you and his child will just be pleasant to each other, and that the relationship will builds organically, however that pans out. I hope everything continues to blossom beautifully.

How long is the probation period? Ninety days, or something else? I don't know what the norms are in your country, as in if you did work for them beyond the probation period but decided to apply for another job, is it that you would put on the application not to contact your present company (in case of a bad review if they found out you were applying for other jobs)? Or, is a company you're applying for mandated to get reviews about you from your present company? Upsetting that there are such big cons alongside the big pros. The red flags are valid. Hard to know what will happen. Some possibilities: perhaps your worrying will surpass actual reality, and that the troubles are manageable. Could be that the managers are really ready for some real change since how they've been running things have clearly not been working for them. Sometimes, you gel with a particular manager and sometimes you butt heads. I've experienced both. Or, everything you expect will come to fruition. To me, the good thing is the probationary period where there is an easy out with supposedly no negative consequences. What I'm lacking is the knowledge of your mental state and how resilient you are at the moment, or if you're feeling like you could have a meltdown at any moment. When I have a big decision, sometimes I write down the pros and cons for each in columns and sometimes that helps to see everything in writing. I won't tell you what to do, of course, but I will just say what I'd do, knowing myself. I'd give it a try and during the probationary period, keep on applying for any other appealing positions. I'd also be proactive while being under this company's employ and not just wait for management to pop in to see me or ask for a meeting with me. I'd be regularly asking to meet with them and show them your plans, ask for the resources you need. Ask their advice, so as to build a rapport of respect and teamwork with them. You might be pleasantly surprised, or you might see the company is not a good fit for you and you can leave. As said, even if there are no red flags, accept the fact that beginning a new job will put your stomach in knots. I know it happened to me and there were definitely learning curves that were rough beginnings. But then I gained confidence and learned how to deal better with certain problems and certain individuals. Good luck whatever you decide and keep us updated.

You're going to have to cordially nip this in the bud now. It's already becoming a pattern that you're not comfortable with, and so if putting up boundaries creates a bit of awkwardness now, it's better than getting into a dynamic you're already regretting. I've been in awkward situations with male colleagues in the past, and the awkward phases eventually faded to us being pleasant when crossing each others paths. Just the way I liked it. Be honest when he starts venting and put a yield sign up with your hand and say something like: Let me just say I really don't feel comfortable hearing that. Perhaps you have a guy friend you can turn to for that? (Or, if your workplace has resources for counseling, remind him of that) At other times, if the pleasantries are going on too long, say: Well, I have to cut this conversation short because I have to get back to XYZ. I wouldn't become FB friends with him, and I would ignore his messages on there. You can also say that you like to keep your work life separate from your personal life. There's a chance he has a crush on you, even if he has a gf. Sometimes you have to consider his gf's point of view. If she knew he was venting about her to a pretty colleague, she would definitely not like that. So yeah, he's not being appropriate. Read some articles and books on setting boundaries to give you more ideas. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Many people are "lovely" in the beginning highs of the honeymoon stage. So it's no surprise there have also been good times. You might not see the age difference as too big of a problem at your ages now. But have you thought about that when you're 65, he'll be 80? Perhaps good to envision not just the present, but also the future. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment about his lying. But speaking of benefits, of him at 80 and you at 65, who is really getting the benefits from all of this, presently and in the future?

Why does he only work part time at his age? Life is expensive. If this continued on for eternity, are you okay with him working only part time? Does he ever have you spend the night? Merely guessing from what you've written, perhaps he needs more solo time than the average person. If his lack of full time work doesn't give you pause and you want to move to the next level, why not suggest you two spend 2 or 3 days together at a time at his or your place and see how that plays out? You might gain some valuable info by doing that. If he balks at that, perhaps that's another signal he's coasting along. Perhaps too cowardly to break up, or maybe he's happy keeping the contact minimal. Most relationships I know of, including myself, tend to have one introvert and one extrovert. To me, it seems that each pull the best from one another, and each brings differences from their worlds to fill a part of themselves that might've never been explored, otherwise. I'm not saying 2 introverts shouldn't be coupled, but sometimes that sameness makes things more difficult and it might take longer to achieve an optimum closeness. What has he said in answer to you communicating this? And if you haven't, then being afraid to address it for fear of losing him, your foundation with him is likely built on sea sand and not concrete.

Seems like a stagnant relationship where you two don't have a strong, growing, emotional connection. How old are you two? Do you both work regular hours, 40-hour weeks? Are either of you in college? Do you ever get together with other couples or group friends? What do you each do when you're not together for a social life? Has he spoken of any future plans with you? What does he do to make you feel special? Would he come to your aid, bringing you medicine if you're sick, or helping you if your car broke down? Have you met his friends and family? Do you two have fun when you're together or does it seem stale? Just trying to get a feel for what the rest of your partnership is like.

Find a different music event to ask her to attend with you within the next few weeks. Explain the other event was already planned with your parents.

Why are you living in Ireland? I imagine for some great career opportunity? Are your plans up in the air of how long you'll live there or will this be a lifetime thing? What types of activities do you engage in to meeting potential dates where you live? You are right to be concerned about not having a first meet be a marathon. That's one of the downsides of LDRs. It's not the normal pace of dating, which could end disaster since it's either too much time together combined with long stretches apart. If it were me, and I had plans to visit my family anyway, I'd insist on no more than 4 hours together with the guy and spend the rest of the time with my family. I'd not go to a stranger's house. You don't know him, and that's not safe. No need to be speed racer and then regret doing something you wished you would've taken more time to consider with a clear mind and more knowledge, gathered over time, of who he really is. If he balks and argues, he's not mature enough to be a good dating prospect. But if you're already put off too much to spend a time, amp up ways and think outside of the box of how to meet more guys locally. Don't let desperation have you settling for what your gut tells you is a no.

Pay attention to very telling things about a person's character. A woman I know was being set up by her friend. Her friend and the man went over to "Karen's" house. When a piece of ice came out of her ice maker when she'd told him to help himself with ice water, instead of picking it up off the floor, he kicked it under the refrigerator. Karen was no longer interested in a man such as this. Your guy is self-serving, so don't assume this is the only area in his life, nor the only time he will perform in his own best interest, while he could care less that he's keeping something very important from someone else. That's egregious behavior. Shows his lack of ethical caring. Even if you're a new acquaintance, he owed you that honesty because it's a major thing that affects you. Plus, he's plain stupid thinking you'd forever be left in the dark. Maybe he was okay with temporary and knew he'd be found out. And even as some people's large age-gap relationships work, surveys say the norm is that the bigger the age gap, the higher risk of failure. On average, one person is retiring 15 years earlier than the other, developing elderly health problems 15 years earlier than a partner, etc. Not for me, but some people worry less than me, apparently. I'm already burning out by having to do a lot for my elderly father. Thank God my husband close in age to me, because I wouldn't also want to care for an elderly husband when we should be going through similar stages of aging instead. I'd also consider his shallowness if he refuses to date women around his age. If I were you, I'd throw the smelly fish back into the pond and when you're up to it, try Meetup.com groups for a break from OLD. Take care.

As Dr. Phil said, Recent past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She might briefly get back together with her ex, but when the intrigue of newness wears off, he will dump her again. You might think you've won when she uses you as a pacifying Band-Aid, which you will, with wishful thinking, believe that fate has worked to your benefit. But her chemistry with you was never 100 percent. Once her ego boost has been satisfied you, it will eventually become less appealing over time. And then, when she meets a man through work or girls' nights outs, etc., who she shares a 100 percent spark with, this pattern of her wanting to explore that will pan out. As earlier said by myself and others, if she was a caring person, she'd do a clean break and not put you in this horrible limbo. The rose-colored glasses you won't take off are blinding you to reality. Another example of her being uncaring, and to her OWN CHILD, which you typed out and you think this woman is some prize. Yikes.