How do I handle my partner's overbearing or controlling behavior?

We all know someone in our lives that is overly controlling, a partner or even a close relative. It can be extremely disheartening and anxiety-inducing to feel like another person is dictating what we do and how we must behave. But sometimes, we don’t recognize that we may be the ones doing the unwelcome controlling behavior.

When someone feels out of control, their natural reaction is to attempt to regain it. This type of behavior isn’t anything to be ashamed of, but it can easily take an undesirable turn when their partner is the one being manipulated. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, fear and even resentment, which are not things that any relationship should have to endure.

So how can those affected by this type of behavior properly address the situation? Unfortunately, it’s not something that can be solved overnight, but if addressed correctly, it can improve over time. The first step is to catch yourself when you’re crossing the line. Just like a muscle, it takes time and awareness to build up your self-control.

A great way to start is by recognizing it when it emerges. Once you’ve acknowledged it, you can begin to approach the issue from a more productive angle. Talk to your partner about what you’re trying to accomplish. Share with them why certain behaviors make you feel threatened and let them understand the situation differently. Ask them to help you express your needs and feelings in ways that aren’t overbearing or controlling.

In addition, work on increasing self-awareness and self-empowerment. Taking the time to properly analyze your thoughts, actions and overall emotional well-being can reduce the risk of resorting to damaging coping mechanisms. Furthermore, it’s essential to practice healthy coping skills such as exercising, breathing and journaling to give yourself a soothing release. You may find that having a therapist or life coach handy can also provide useful outlets for managing your behavior.

Although it takes time to dismantle a habit that has been developing for years, it is certainly possible. Utilizing communication and self-care to create an environment of understanding can lead to better reactions and healthier reactions over time. If you take the time to delve into the real reason you act the way you do, you’ll find that you’re able to communicate with your partner in a much more respectful manner.

Above all, it's important to remember that not everyone behaves this way because of malicious intentions. We all struggle with our own demons and inner issues, and many don’t realize how our attempts at regaining control can rapidly spiral out of control. By understanding where the behavior is coming from, you can begin to address the root cause.

Adjusting these behaviors takes time and patience, but if both parties are willing to work at it, they can tackle the problem together and create a better, healthier relationship.