The Most Painful Part of Healing is Waking Up While the World Sleepwalks Through Life

Healing takes time and is often not a linear process – it involves emotional ups and downs, breakthroughs and setbacks. What can add to this difficult path is having to do so while the world around us continues to move in a very different direction. For those who are trying to heal from childhood traumas, a divorce, a difficult medical diagnosis, or any number of afflictions, the most painful part of the journey is waking up while the rest of the world seems to be sleepwalking through life.

People who find themselves in this position may lie in bed and question why the rest of the world appears to be unbothered by their own personal struggle. They are painfully aware of the expectations that accompany their chosen path: that they should just put up with dysfunction, unworkable dynamics, or not have boundaries because that’s “just how it is.”

The need to traverse this intangible boundary – between living with and without boundaries – can be one of the most daunting parts of the healing process. The difference between these two realities is one of perspective – one in which the answers to life’s dilemmas are nurtured from within, and one in which those same answers are handed down from external sources. Historian Thomas Cahill explains it best when he says:

“The soul must choose for itself between uncounted possibilities of right and wrong, good and bad, noble and ignoble.”

The willingness and ability to choose ourselves over external pressures is what often defines the most painful part of healing. In doing so, we must learn to turn away from complicitness in dysfunction and reclaim our lives from the cultural and familial norms we were taught to embrace since birth. But that doesn't mean it's an easy task. Even after making the switch from an approved lifestyle to one of authenticity, the pain can still feel deep, raw, and overwhelming.

For instance, breaking up with a partner can feel like an emotionally draining experience. Not only have you uprooted your own life, but you have to renegotiate your therapist’s appointment, invite a friend to stay with you so your loneliness doesn’t overwhelm you, and prepare for the judgement from family and friends.

Similarly, a medical diagnosis that renders you unable to work can leave you feeling isolated and frustratingly excluded from activities that once made you feel alive. Although you may understand that you don’t have the strength, stamina or motivation to keep up with the pack, the ache of being left behind still digs deep and can lead to depression or anxiety due to frustration and boredom.

Even if the healing path leads to something positive, such as getting married or getting a promotion, the fear of failure or of something going wrong can overshadow the excitement. This is particularly hard when your choices seem counter-intuitive to the familiar paths that were established long before you launched yourself on the journey.

The courage to break away from normalcy to take a risk and venture into defined unknowns can feel like a gargantuan mound keeping you from a new horizon. But, when faced with its relentlessness, the strength to choose ourselves is where the power lies.

The expectations from society, family and culture may seem comforting, uniform, and even plausible; however, the courage to self-determine our own destiny is what makes the difference between ambivalence and fulfillment.

When we take charge of our lives and apply boundaries to the dysfunction that can define them, we take back control of what ultimately matters.

Ultimately, the path to healing may start with construction materials of strength and courage, love and support, but the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is the ability to choose oneself above anything else. The most painful part of healing is undoubtedly waking up while the world sleepwalks forward, yet the reward is much more powerful. The key is to keep going.