P.s I apologise in advance for the long text
So I am a recent Masters graduate from a University in Europe.
My plan is to pursue a PhD after my Masters but unfortunately , I couldn’t get a good funded PhD position before my permit expires.
I do have a supervisor willing to let me do my PhD with her research group but there’s currently no funding now, so she asked me to be patient for funding to come up.
I also did get an offer for a position in Italy but it only pays €1000/month, which doesn’t even cover basic expenses in a city like Milan so I didn’t take it. ( I was also advised it’s best to get a position in a place where I can easily get a longer term job afterwards, so that I don’t experience this situation I’m in again).
I also applied for regular jobs , not just PhD’s but most companies won’t hire me because I am a foreigner and they don’t want to go through the work permit application especially because I am a junior in my field.
The point now is I have to return to my home country and keep applying for any open PhD positions while also hoping funding comes up for the research group.
My problem is that it’s so sad having to return, my country is really rough and the economy makes it so bad, unemployment rate is through the roof, electricity is bad and internet is poor.
So right now I just feel like a failure going home to live with my parents at 28 with no money .
I have been depressed for a while now, I also have anxiety, I have gained like 30kg in the last few months and often think not so good thoughts.
I’m too ashamed, everyone I know who tried hard to leave our country and go abroad never returned, they got a job and made it out. I don’t know why my own situation has to be different. It feels like bad luck.
My spirit is so down, like I will just go home, give up and hide away, I’m so numb and exhausted.
What advice you will give in navigating returning home, the shame , mental health, facing everyone back home, trying again to make it out of my country. It feels impossible and sad.
Would love to hear what people would do if they were in my situation.