Adjusting to a Change in Life Circumstances: Strategies for Coping and Healing

“This is so hard to deal with…” In the time since that plaintive plea was posted, hundreds of voices have echoed across the Internet – all seeking solutions to cope with unfamiliar and often unwelcome changes in life circumstances. Whether facing a difficult divorce, financial hardship, traumatic loss, or any other disruptive event that life can throw our way, it’s not easy to adjust and move on.

However, responding to the challenge of transitioning isn’t about simply “getting over it”; healing from the disruption, however briefly we visited it, is essential. Taking the steps to work through a difficult change can be a journey of renewal and growth.

The fact is, life can change in an instant. One moment we’re happily ensconced in the safety and routine of our daily lives; the next, we’re struggling to carry on without the elements that gave us comfort. We’re left to face a situation, difficult emotions, and inner turmoil that can seem overwhelming and unmanageable – like a never-ending sea of unknowns and uncertainty. But while it may be hard – nay, impossible in the moment to understand why something, however painful, is happening to us, by understanding what these abrupt changes in life signify, we can take steps towards coming to terms with this new reality, and ultimately, finding ways to persevere.

One way to begin undergoing this process is to practice self-compassion. Making a commitment to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health is essential, yet doing so isn’t always easy; life’s chaotic seas can swamp any attempts to keep afloat. It’s no surprise, then, that oftentimes the first victim is one’s mental health. However, while the magnitude of our situation can make it seem simple to give up, it becomes easier when we remember that these difficult, trying times are part of life too.

Self-compassion in times of transition is an important step forward on our healing journey, rather than throwing out the baby with the bath water and adopting a pessimistic outlook. Achieving this delicate balance between acknowledging life’s difficulties, while attempting to retain hope and optimism may not be easy, but it’s worth the effort. As we experience the darkness of life’s storms, we need to remember to shine a light on other aspects of our lives and the joy and solace they bring.

Limiting our exposure to negative thinking can be particularly helpful during difficult times, as well as taking the opportunity to filter out emotionally charged conversations that leave us feeling depleted or regretful. Keeping a journal, as well as engaging in activities that help us express our emotions such as art or music, and allowing ourselves permission to grieve, cry, and embrace whatever emotions come to the fore in the aftermath of changes, can help provide a healthy outlet. But don’t forget to also take time out to relax and take care of yourself in other ways, like doing yoga, going for a massage, taking a warm bath – whatever helps us savor those moments of solace and peace which can help center us amidst the chaos.

There’s no denying that the adjustments and ongoing healing a change can bring can often feel like things are moving too slowly. But other moments will come when we feel (even if only briefly) exhilarated and energized as we embrace opportunities for growth. This is part of the ebb and flow of healing, as new normalcy eventually finds its way into our hearts and minds. It’s important to remember that this healing can take time, and it doesn’t follow a linear path.

Another aspect to consider during the healing process is learning to manage the stress and chaos brought about by the change. While it may sound counterintuitive, turning toward pain and uncertainty with focused attention, rather than avoiding it, is essential to process change. Mindfulness type practices prior to taking action can help decrease reactivity and impulsive responses. There are many activities, including yoga, tai chi, walking meditations, body scans, and sitting meditations, that can help us focus on the present moment, accept fluctuating emotions and remain present with difficult underlying thoughts and sensations.

Often, life continues to pile new forms of stress on us while we’re trying to navigate our way through sorrow, trauma, and major changes. As the “new normal” begins to solidify, it still can often feel like we’re constantly negotiating our way around a never-ending cycle of crisis and recovery. Reframing some of the problems as challenges allows us to become more attuned to our own inner strength rather than being drawn into the chaos that’s already present in our lives. We can learn to use this newly found inner courage to look at our seemingly impossible tasks differently and find creatively new ways of dealing with them.

Finding a way to move forward means accepting our feelings and the complex emotions that accompany the loss of what once was. And while the process of reaching a new peace may be arduous, we can ease our way with open-hearted grace. As we continue on our journey, we need to remember that feeling empowered along the way gives us the strength to gel persist and triumph in the end.