Dear eNotAlone: My relationship with my husband is falling apart. We used to be head over heels for each other and yet it feels like something has changed. We don't argue but it's almost like we stop having fun together. He seems distant and uninterested in doing events or activities that used to be our go-to's. I'm scared to ask him why he's not living up to the commitments we made to one another. Any advice?
* * *
Relationships can go through difficult times and it sounds like yours is at a breaking point. It's important to understand why your relationship is struggling so you can work on improving it. While it may seem daunting, communication is key in this situation. You won't know what's wrong until you ask your husband what's going on.
Start by suggesting a conversation with him. Avoid accusing language and instead frame it in a way that shows your concern and desire to make things better. Ask things like, "What's changed?" or, "It feels like things between us are different." Listen to his answers and try to understand where he's coming from. It could be the stress of everyday life affecting him in a way that he isn't sure how to sort out.
Once you have an idea of what's causing the distance between you both, figure out how to address it. If it's related to the pressures of daily responsibilities, suggest taking time together to unwind. If it's more emotional, like he's feeling disconnected from you, talk about ways to reconnect. Working together to come up with solutions to your problem will bring you closer and show that you both care about the relationship.
It's normal for fear to crawl up when trying to talk something out with your partner, especially when you're worried about the outcome. Prepare yourself mentally with positive self talk before entering a conversation with the goal of understanding why your relationship has changed.