Am I broken or is it my marriage?

[saral]

I've been married 15 years. 

My husband has secretly run up 60k debt. I found out last year and he was just angry with me rather than remorseful. Since then he's lost his job and struggling to find employment. He has health issues too, just for context.

We don't have sex although he watches porn he's shown no interest in me really for 5 years.. we've been intimate twice in that time although I've tried to initiate things... 

But the worst thing I'm struggling with is how he talks to me. He called me a prat today, mutters under his breath in amger at me, shouts at me sometimes. Last year he was calling me lazy... 

But then there are other times when he's kind and nice to me and it's like none of this has happened.

I feel a bit like I'm going mad. Fantasising about divorce or just whacking him over the head with a frying pan - I wouldn't do that, I'm not violent. 

Then if I do end our relationship I am at an age where I won't get the option to have another kid. Mind you I'm probably not going to get one now am I? We don't have the money for ivf and we're not having sex... 

Everything is a bit of a mess... Am I wrong for being unhappy/ wanting more? 

[catfeeder]

It’s certainly not wrong to be fed up with someone who would put you in debt on top of mistreating you. I’d seek legal advice to learn my options and the best steps to take for each option. This would enable you to make decisions based on real information rather than emotions alone.

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, saral said:

My husband has secretly run up 60k debt. Since then he's lost his job and struggling to find employment. He has health issues too, just for context.

We don't have sex although he watches porn he's shown  . He called me a prat today, mutters under his breath in amger at me, shouts at me sometimes. Last year he was calling me lazy... Fantasising about divorce or just whacking him over the head with a frying pan - 

Sorry this is happening. Please talk to an attorney for information advice and support regarding your situation.  Don't just fantasize about divorce, inform yourself and get your ducks in a row. 

Why is he unemployed? What health issues are there? What is he spending money on? Drugs? Gambling? Escorts? 

Please review your credit score and credit cards and bank accounts. Please take control of the finances. Aside from the being secretive he's being verbally and emotionally abusive.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, saral said:

. Mind you I'm probably not going to get one now am I? We don't have the money for ivf and we're not having sex... 

Well, no, you're not going to have another baby with him anyway.

What are you still doing there? 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, saral said:

We don't have sex although he watches porn he's shown no interest in me really for 5 years.. we've been intimate twice in that time although I've tried to initiate things... 

 

Yeah, I think your relationship is over anyway at least when passion is concerned. 

[Andrina]

I would get out now. You will probably end up having the burden of his debt, however that's legally worked out, since you were married at the time. But once you're divorced, any new debt he incurs will be his own. Calling you names, getting you in financial ruin, and lack of intimacy for 1/3 of your marriage are egregious things. Him being sweet once in a blue moon is meaningless.