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  • Steven Robinson
    Steven Robinson

    Start Your Own Story and Move on from the Loss

    When it comes to grief, none of us are ever truly prepared. Grief can take a toll like no other force in life, what was once familiar can become heavy and strange. And in the case of our user and the loss of her husband and subsequent relationship with his best friend, that unfamiliarity can have a crushing effect.

    The situation our user is in is one borne of extraordinary pain and sorrow. The idea of finding love and companionship in the afterglow of such immense heartache and suffering can feel like a betrayal to the memory of her lost husband. But that reaction isn't all that out of the ordinary, especially when dealing with the death of a loved one. In Kate Mukerjee-Gray's book "Helping Families Cope with Grief", she states that “A response of guilt is common when someone has the urge to be released from grief and begin to live again.”

    It may be difficult for our user to not feel guilty or ashamed, and these feelings are most likely a reflection of her own pain, rather than acknowledging the potential for her future with this man. Finding love can often help us move through difficult times and offer us light when everything else is dark. Ross Chawansky of the Huffington Post eloquently put it saying, “In finding acceptance for the feelings you are having, you will also find yourself allowing room for new possibilities. Possibilities that give you the hope of joy and provide a context of hope by which you accept the sadness of what was.”

    For our user, the key may be to allow herself to make those possibilities a reality. To start her own story and lay the groundwork for her own happiness. It’s important to remember that neither she, nor anyone else, has the right to judge her journey. She is well within her right to feel what she feels, and she should give herself the freedom to think and make decisions beyond the expectations of those who have gone before her.

    For anyone facing a situation like this one, there will be setbacks and triggers that can cause doubt and hesitation. It's normal to feel that way. But be patient and try to remember that you always have a choice in how you move forward. Take the time to figure out what works best for you and your specific situation and don't be afraid to seek guidance. That could mean therapy, attending counselling with your partner or seeking advice from your closest friends.

    Lastly, know that it is possible to find love again, after the loss of something so precious. Give yourself permission to explore it and do everything in your power to make sure that your values, beliefs and feelings on the matter come first. Remember that life can still be beautiful and that there is no shame in loving again. Reach for resilience and love, come out of the darkness ready to create your own unique story and journey every step of the way.

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