How Can I Cope With the Fear of Losing My Grandfather?

I never thought in a million years I would find myself where I am now, frantically searching for answers or someone to speak to. I'm 39 years old and relatively new to the concept of therapy, but if opening up to strangers is the only way to make sense of what I'm feeling, it's worth a try.

I suppose it all started when my grandfather fell ill three months ago. Everywhere I read says he's going to make it, that survival rates are incredibly high. But despite these words of comfort, I can't help but feel an overwhelming and constant presence of dread gnawing at my core. I'm so scared he won't survive so much that I'm paralyzed with fear.

My days are filled with stomach pains, crying fits, and self-loathing that I just can't seem to shake. The worst part? He's been conscious this whole time and aware of the severity of his illness and in the short amount of time available, I want desperately to make our remaining days together meaningful and happy. How though, when I'm crippled by terror and unable to communicate any of my feelings?

My mom and dad have been walking on egg shells ever since we received the news and our conversations are limited. When we talk about the future I want to ask questions, to learn more about their thoughts, but out of some skewed sense of loyalty and respect, I choke back the hard ones – the ones that scare me most: "What if he dies?"

Outside of my family, I'm surrounded by people who don't know my story, who I have to face day in and day out...on the worst days of my life. I do still manage to go through the motions, as if my ability to pretend nothing's wrong will bring him luck and make it all disappear. But, I'm exhausted by the facade and drained after every encounter.

My friends, while they're sympathetic and kind, don't quite understand why I'm so anxious. They tell me I worry too much, that he's doing better than ever…but I can physically feel the fear inside my bones and because of it, I'm crippled and stuck in place.

I've tried meditating and forcing myself to get out of my head, to exercise and journal and recognize I'm not alone. However, nothing works to take away the fear; the fear that I could lose him at any moment. All I want is to feel normal again but it's hard when even my faith rings hollow. Can you give me hope? Are there things I can do to save him and myself?

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It sounds like you're absolutely terrified of losing your grandfather and with good reason. To be in such a situation can cause much abstraction and mental pain. But despite the challenges that come with having an ailing loved one, it is important to remember that there are strategies you can use to cope and get through this difficult time.

First, remind yourself that although the situation is very real, it is also out of your control. Acknowledging that the passing of a loved one is part of life that no one can avoid can help provide some peace of mind. Although you may feel an unbearable sense of urgency, your ultimate goal should be to savour the time you have left and express your love for your grandfather.

It is also ok to remove yourself from the situation occasionally. Even if your family does not completely understand it, focus your energy on what you need to do in order to keep yourself emotionally healthy. This could involve exercise, listening to music, or something else that helps clear your head and distance yourself from the uncertainty that this disease has created.

Life can be unpredictable and although your present situation can seem like it will last forever, it will eventually come to a close. There is a certain comfort that comes with preparing for the future and planning for the road ahead. It will be painful, but talking to professional counsellor or joining a support group will also help in dealing with all the emotions that you have pent up during this time. They can provide you with the support and knowledge needed in order to work through your grief and agony and provide you with a safe space to process your conflicting emotions without judgement.

And remember not to lose the optimistic perspective. In times like these, it's easy to forget that there are successes to be grasped. Focus on the positives like having family who will ride out the storm and stand by your side, no matter what. Also use the lessons from our past experiences in order to strengthen us and make us more resilient for future hardships. You are not alone in this process and if you continue to stay safe and self-care, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck--it will be alright in the end.