Am I Wrong For Wanting To Leave?

Hello All! I am posting in hopes of gaining some opinions on if I am wrong for wanting to leave my relationship. I will only be naming main points in this relationship and hopefully you all can piece together the puzzle. I have been dating my spouse on and off for 7years. He was my FIRST everything. He got me pregnant with our first child (his second child) while still with his girlfriend. He chose to leave her to be with me. However, when I first told him I pregnant, I was threatened everyday and begged to not keep the baby. Well, I kept her and he finally came around when I was five months pregnant. We got along for a few months and then I found myself stuck in a situation where I was abused (verbally, mentally, and physically). I have not done well in school and he has always told me that I will never be anything in life and I'll be in school for the rest of my life because I cant get through "simple" math. He has, also, told me that I will never find someone to treat me so great like he does and that no man is going to be serious with a woman who has a child. He has done this abuse up until two weeks ago, when I broke it off with him. Did I mention he was an alcoholic?? Anyway he is supposedly a "changed man", however he hasn't even given me the space I've asked for. He still calls 24/7 and not about our child, he still shows up when I don't answer the phone, he calls my job when I don't answer the phone in the mornings. I have never been an angry person, however, im always angry when he is around or when I talk to him. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO! Given, we both have done our share of mess ups, but we don't even have communication or anything in common besides our child. I hope this is enough information to give me some kind of help about the way I am feeling. Am I WRONG FOR WANTING TO LEAVE?

You know the answer without asking. This is also a really unhealthy environment for your child. Seek out an abuse hotline or center, and Get Out!!!

Absolutely agree with above post. No one changes that abusive behaviour in two weeks either! It takes years, and you deserve WAY more than that. A loving partnership means being loving, supportive, encouraging, caring, and most of all able to look after your own emotional self first and foremost. It can feel scary changing what you are used to, but you have every right to feel truly loved and supported and nurtured. And if he continues to harass you you may need to get a restraining order, as it is definitely abusive behaviour on his part. Good luck and keep us posted. And be careful!

Alcohol & Abuse are massive deal breakers.

For the sake of your own safety and your child's you need to run and leave this man.

All this rubbish about your not good enough, no man would want you, no one's better than me is all lies and completely untrue. All that is his insecurities and trying to beat you down so you'll be trapped into staying with him.

Tell him it's over and to leave you alone then seek legal advise as you owe it to your child to get them out of this harmful upbringing and situation.

It's going to be a long road but remember never let anyone tell you your not good enough. Your like every other human on this planet. We are born equal, we are all beautiful in our own right and deserve to be treated with respect.

Stay strong you will get through this and in the future you'll find the perfect man who loves you and your kid and doesn't need to abuse you to feel good about themselves

I second everything CraigHowes said. You were only ever wrong for staying and getting involved with this man in the first place. Do what you need to do to stay safe, take care of your child, and get this man out of your life.

If he were in therapy for a year and had done solid amends to you and his child and his ex and his other child then he might, just might be able to claim he's a changed man. Sadly my experiences with people who are physically and mentally abusive of others tells me even then it's often simply not enough.

... I was abused (verbally, mentally, and physically).... told me that I will never find someone to treat me so great

Wow. I can't imagine that the bar could be set any lower.

Yes, absolutely you should leave. You can do better than him (you could hardly do worse.)

From now on, don't sleep with men in relationships and use birth control.

No. Why would you want to stay??

His actions are very typical of abusive people - cheating, belittling you, abusing you and destroying your self confidence by telling you that no-one else will ever want you and that he's so great to want you.

Then when you decide you've had enough he cries, emails, texts, calls etc, etc, saying he's a changed man.

What a load of BS. Do not, for one second, believe a word of it.

What I would advise however, is to be VERY careful. Once he realizes you are serious, he may take the abuse to the next level. This is often the pattern. He may stalk, or threaten you and the baby. I'm not saying this WILL happen, I'm simply saying be aware of the effect that you finishing things off with him will have.

People like him like to make the decisions and be in control...... you've taken away his control and he won't like it.

This sounds a lot like my longest relationship. The alcoholism, the verbal, mental, and physical abuse. I finally learned after many years that he only said those things to knock me down even more. It seems like you are very young, which was the case with myself. I met my ex when I was 20 years old with a 2 year old from a previous relationship. I just simply "latched on" to the first man who paid attention to me. He told me countless times how no one would ever want me, I was a stupid b*tch who can't even follow simple directions. Any negative thing he could say, he did. He also told his sisters how awful I was, so they hated me as well.

Just know that you are not alone....I have been there and so have many others. I took me enduring nine years of abuse before I decided to leave him, and even then I still had a relationship with him for another two years. It's hard very hard, but the best thing for you and your daughter is to get away from him (hopefully you aren't living with him...cause that's h*ll). You need to focus on yourself and your daughter. Joining a program such as Al-Anon will help with understanding the workings of an alcoholic and how toxic we become when we "love" an addict. I suggest you also work on trying to boost your self-esteem-I read LOTS of self-help books on self-esteem and I have seen some improvement in myself.

It's hard work, but trust me you're worth it. Your little girl needs her Mommy to love herself as much as she loves her

Best of luck

To add this: My ex still haunts me. I recently moved 900 miles away from him and he told me the other day that he was gonna find a girlfriend, take my daughter away from me and bring her back to his state to live with him. He is not her biological father, so he has no rights to do anything. So, like another poster has said, be careful and you might need to go to court and establish custody of your daughter if he poses a threat at all to you and your daughter's safety.