Questions for the 'guys' here, re: After a break up.

This is a few Q's re: a relation less than a year ( 6-9 mos. time span).

1). Would you have feeling for someone you were with for at least 6 months?

2) Would you still have an occasional yearning to reach out, for a while even 'if you ended it?

3) Would you 'still be curious' and occasionally check her FB?

4) If someone started showing you some interest, would you feel you'd be able to go

ahead and start seeing them.. within a couple of weeks of your break up?

Or do you think you'd need some 'down time' to work on yourself & emotions first?

5) If you were the one to end things. Have you ever felt guilt or question it later?

6) Did you find, still thinking about her or starting to think of her more, a few weeks after the Break up?

I'm just wondering HOW men's brains work.

I have heard that guys can move on much faster than women. I know not all do or can,

but it's often more common for men to do this.

All I know is I couldn't do that. I need time to recover before I move on again

I don't buy the generalization. I think in any relationship that ends, there will always tend to be one partner who has a leg up on the detachment front. I'd say it's usually the one who ends things...but that's not always the case.

1). Would you have feeling for someone you were with for at least 6 months?

Definitely

2) Would you still have an occasional yearning to reach out, for a while even 'if you ended it?

Yes. Much stronger when I've been left.

3) Would you 'still be curious' and occasionally check her FB?

Not really. I think I just know better.

4) If someone started showing you some interest, would you feel you'd be able to go

ahead and start seeing them.. within a couple of weeks of your break up?

Or do you think you'd need some 'down time' to work on yourself & emotions first?

I can't imagine seeing anyone at the moment. I think I'm committed to figuring some things out. I can definitely understand the appeal of getting with someone new though. I think, regardless of how things ended, there is always a feeling of emptiness with the end of a relationship. This goes for both sides (I've never encountered a situation that played out otherwise).

5) If you were the one to end things. Have you ever felt guilt or question it later?

Questions yes...guilt no. For me, it's more like fond memories. I think I've been lucky that things never got especially ugly. It's easy to look back. I've never questioned my decision though.

6) Did you find, still thinking about her or starting to think of her more, a few weeks after the Break up?

When I left, I wasn't all that consumed with the thoughts. I felt relief more than anything. Emptiness...yes...but relief as well. There's a sense of freedom when you realize that you don't want to be with someone anymore...and you're okay with the prospect of being alone again. Amazing how different it is when you're not quite ready. When you're not as far along. Even when your heart knows that the relationship needs to end. Rejection hurts. So much easier to come to terms with things before being alone (imo).

I need recovery time too. I'm fortunate in that I don't often meet women I'm attracted to on that level. So, there is little in the way of temptation. I can stay focussed on figuring out my own bag. I suppose I should be grateful for that.

I agree you can't generalize. Men and women are about equal in the moving on quickly category.

As to your questions, once again it depends on the individual. You'll get yes and no answers to all of those.

"I'm just wondering HOW men's brains work.

I have heard that guys can move on much faster than women. I know not all do or can,

but it's often more common for men to do this."

It's really not gender specific. It's more a combination of personality type and investment. How invested they really were in the relationship, and whether they are the type of person who tends to hold onto things, or the type of person who tends to let things go. If you encounter someone who isn't as invested in the relationship as they made you feel, and who then is able to let go easy after it's over, it can make it really difficult for the other person. But people like us can learn from people like them. Both in how not to over invest too early or too hard; and in how to move on and roll with the punches.

Also, I actually find it easier to move on when she moves on quickly, because it really proves to me that there is nothing to go back to. When she doesn't move on... and I see her year after year looking kind of sad, it just makes me want to run to her and put my arms around her and tell her it will feel better. But the few times I've tried that it wasn't appreciated

Hey bro,

1). Would you have feeling for someone you were with for at least 6 months?

Yes

2) Would you still have an occasional yearning to reach out, for a while even 'if you ended it?

Yes, this is absolutely normal.

3) Would you 'still be curious' and occasionally check her FB?

Yes, this is absolutely normal too.

4) If someone started showing you some interest, would you feel you'd be able to go

ahead and start seeing them.. within a couple of weeks of your break up?

Or do you think you'd need some 'down time' to work on yourself & emotions first?

This depends on your emotional state. If you're still constantly thinking about the other girls, and if you're really not interested in the current girl and she wants a relationship, then it's probably not a good thing to do. You'll end up hurting her.

5) If you were the one to end things. Have you ever felt guilt or question it later?

It just depends on the situation.

6) Did you find, still thinking about her or starting to think of her more, a few weeks after the Break up?

This all just depends on the situation at hand, especially why you broke up in the first place.

Lastly, these kind of things take time to heal. I've been in a similar situation, and the only that helped me was time. Good luck to you!

I don't think that's gender specific SooSad. It's been almost a year since my ex left me and I still miss her... My life is moving forward. I can function normally. But I still miss her company. It's not another girl I miss, I miss HER. I've dated other people and I can say it for sure that I miss her.

So no, it's not a "guy thing". As for your questions, the answer for all of them are most likely yes. But that is ME. I'm a very emotional guy. I love romances and "lovey dovey" things. Now, my sister is a rock. She barely shows any feelings at all. Even towards family members. Every person is different. People have this "illusion" that guys get over faster because the MAN figure is supposed to be strong. Guys suffer too but they hide it.

I think what you find is that no matter the gender, the person who ended things tends to detach much more quickly. Specifically, the dumper is dumping for a reason. In making the decision they have often thought long and hard about it. So people tend not to regret well thought out decisions. Regret and guilt are natural feelings when you care about someone, but time and distance bring clarity.

Yeah- I was just wondering about some of these things. Because I have heard if has happened a lot more with men.

I don't know? Not a man.. lol

agreed...I think you are hoping that there is a black and white answer with established metrics and results to give you solid information, but it really has too many variables, and if you have been in multiple relationships, you may feel differently after each break up. Also, depends on the reason for the end of the relationship, your maturity during relationship/afterwards/etc. There are just way too many variables.

1). Would you have feeling for someone you were with for at least 6 months?

what do you mean by "feeling"? Love?

2) Would you still have an occasional yearning to reach out, for a while even 'if you ended it?

not necessarily. depended on the relationship, reason for it ending, etc...

3) Would you 'still be curious' and occasionally check her FB?

maybe once in a random blue moon.

4) If someone started showing you some interest, would you feel you'd be able to go

ahead and start seeing them.. within a couple of weeks of your break up?

probably not, but depends on the situation...maybe you are swept off your feet. I found my fiancé about 3 months after ending a 4.5 year relationship. She was everything I was looking for ultimately and still is 1.5 years later.

Or do you think you'd need some 'down time' to work on yourself & emotions first?

for me it was nice to have some down time to make my own decisions in life and not have to worry about a relationship. when I felt ready to date, I started dating.

5) If you were the one to end things. Have you ever felt guilt or question it later?

depended on the relationship and why it ended, etc...

6) Did you find, still thinking about her or starting to think of her more, a few weeks after the Break up?

I always wondered about my ex's from time to time...but it doesn't consume my mind.