Religous views making it over for good?

My bf of 9 months just dumped me. We were Absolutly head over heels in love. He comes from a super strong Christian background but when he was in his early 20's pretty much split away from the church. His fam is super religious still and recently have been attempting to bring him back to the church. The past month he became distant because he was so torn on what to do. He is very about loyalty to fam and was struggling w the fact that they would dis-own him if he didn't come back. He's almost 30 and says he had been thinking of one day trying church again and so because of the pressure of losing his fam, he has decided he really wants to make a good hard effort now. Because I am not of the same faith, he said he had to end it. His family would never accept him marrying a girl not a part of their church. He said he still wants to stay friends because as bf/gf we are also each other's best friends. My bday is in 1 1/2 months and he says he wants to still get me something and I asked and he agreed maybe hang out if we are ready. Till then I'm going to back off and let us both heal for a while first, but do you think down the road maybe we could work on things once he feels more like he has a grasp on this? I've even been considering maybe converting if in a few months I'm still not over him. I don't know how to go about bringing that idea up as well. Has anyone else ever gone through this and had it work out, or is it pretty much, if it's about religion, it's over...?

He's almost 30 and says he had been thinking of one day trying church again and so because of the pressure of losing his fam, he has decided he really wants to make a good hard effort now.

...

Because I am not of the same faith, he said he had to end it. His family would never accept him marrying a girl not a part of their church. He said he still wants to stay friends because as bf/gf we are also each other's best friends.

Do not blame religion for this break up. This is about his relations with his parents. His parents are trying to control his lifestyle by using religion as a scapegoat. He is 30 years old and is capable of making his own decisions.

So he broke up with you because you not only believe in the same faith, but you are not a member of his family's church? Um, no. And his suggestions of being friends's after this... Don't do it. He sounds very dependent on his family if he is willing to change his lifestyle for them and not for himself.

He dumped you before he even figured out what he is really doing. I have to agree with the above poster that this isn't so much about religion as such.

Part of the issue is that his life is in flux right now. He literally doesn't know whether he is coming or going, his family is exerting extreme control via religion, he is 30 but hasn't created healthy boundaries with them, he has moved away from the church for his own reasons, now he is considering going back under duress. He is not in any shape to be a good, stable partner to anyone and if he has decided just to yield to his family, then he is probably going to blindly do whatever they demand, including dating whoever they demand. The last thing he wants right now is to rock the boat with them further by bringing you along. That may last and it may not last. The bottom line is that he has to figure this out and you are a casualty in this. In other words, he likes you but not enough.

Frankly, I wouldn't stay friends with him, I'd cut him off thoroughly and the only thing I'd do is leave a door open in that he can contact you if he ever sorts himself out kind of a way. In the meantime, I would move on with my life and would not wait for him. Don't let him use you to get over you, which is what staying "friends" is basically all about. The only thing you'll get out of this kind of friendship is confusion as you go out and the old flames are there and it feels like a date, but he then goes back to his thing and you are left wondering why not me, why not stay. Btw, I doubt you converting would do anything since for his family, this is about control. Don't forget that in the long run, family is part of the package. Getting along with him is not enough and if he will never draw adult boundaries with his family, then this is a dead end for you. Best to split now and move away clean and without dragging things on.

No, I don't. Anyone who allows their family that much control will always allow their family that much control. And allowing yourself being demoted to "friend I sneak around and see behind my family's back like I'm 12 and not 30" is a terrible choice for you to make. I know it's hard now, but it will be a thousand times worse when he marries some other woman who is his religion and yet still insists on keeping you in his life. Just safely behind closed doors as a secret. At the age of 30 if he's not enough of his own man to be able to stand up to his family without caving to pressure to that degree then he never will.

If they can't be proud to stand with you at a family gathering and be open about being your friend/significant other then they don't deserve to have you in their life. And it's not Christian at all for him to treat you like that either.

I think you need to go NC and move on. Tell him that since he's making this an either/or you are too. Either you are fully 100 percent openly in his life or you are 100 percent openly not. The middle ground is going to get you hurt so much worse than just the breakup now.

And why do you have to be the one to compromise? He isn't.