Trying NC, ex gf keeps contacting me

I'm 28, she's 21, relationship lasted for 2.5 years and broke up two weeks ago. Relationship was great, no real problems or fights. Suddenly without warning she tells me she started having feelings for his friend. Said she's not sure if she loves me any more. So we break up with good terms but I still have strong feelings for her and I'm crushed.

She still want's me to be in her life and its so good to talk to me but tells me to move on. She also said that she'll never find anyone better than me and she is probably making the biggest mistake of her life but she still must try with this new guy to see if anything good comes from it. New guy is total opposite of me and they are already fighting with each other. Seems like a case of grass is greener syndrome (GIGS)?

I'm trying to go no contact with her so I could move on but I would like to keep the door open for possible reconcilation later down the road once she's knows what she wants. I have explained to her that I need to cut contact so I can heal and she seemed to understand.

Yesterday after 4 days of no contact she texts me "You were right, I'm hurt and crying, thinking I made a wrong decision". I immediately knew that she has problems with her new guy. But I decided to ignore the text. Today she asked me to come online to chat. Curiosity got me and unblocked her to see what she has to say.

She started to tell how they fight and shes fed up with it. She's upset and she wants to wait one week before meeting him again. I then realized that she's just using me for emotional support. I listened to her and didn't say much. When she finished, I said I have to go, I'm busy, take care. She thanked me for listening and said I'm the only one she trusts.

How can I tell her not to use me as emotional support and enforce NC without being rude and straight ignoring her? Or should I keep low communication?

I'm trying to look at this in a way where LC would be beneficial to you, as I like to avoid the strict NC route, but I don't see any.

She dumped you, for no other reason then that she developed feelings for another and left what you guys had to risk it on something new. To ease her guilt she still wants you as a friend and based on what I'm reading she is getting that. She sweet talks you and tells you she will never find anyone better then you and is probably making the biggest mistake of her life, but shes doing it anyways. Then she tells you to move on right after she dumped you? Tell her to stop being so selfish.

I am not sure how to answer your question of how to go NC without straight ignoring her. No contact includes ignoring her, showing her that your not just there when she wants you to be then she can just run off with whoever when she doesn't need someone to be there her. Showing that you value yourself and your needs over her. I think you have a decent shot at getting back together a couple months from now but only if you start to stand up for yourself. Don't even tell her your going NC just don't talk to her, ignore her for a couple months, let her miss all the good times you guys had and add a air of mystery around you.

Don't be her emotional tampon!

Best of luck

You can only be her emotional support if you allow it. She doesn't need an explanation as to why you aren't talking to her. You're worried about being rude when she dumped you for someone else and then talks to you when she needs an ego boost? Seriously? Go NC don't waste another second thinking about it. It's the only way to move on.

Thank you both for taking time to read and respond. You're probably right, I will go strict NC from now on and ignore her. Time to move on even though it is very hard...

Moving on is really hard especially when you don't have a choice. Don't be a fallback guy, there is a girl out there who will want to be with you and only you and won't need to leave to see if the grass is greener. I'm sure you'll ex will soon find out the grass isn't greener on the other side but by that time you'll have put up a fence so she can't get to your lawn. Good luck and stay strong, time and distance is the only thing that will help.

Small update: I took your advice and it has been a week of strict NC. I have been going out with friends, going to gym, took scuba diving course and reading ENA when I feel down. I am actually feeling a little better after initiating NC. She has texted me a couple of times but I didn't respond. But today she surprisingly called three times and I didn't answer. Still got my heart racing though. I'm wondering what did she want... I don't plan to call or text back, hopefully this is the right thing to do?

Small update: I took your advice and it has been a week of strict NC. I have been going out with friends, going to gym, took scuba diving course and reading ENA when I feel down. I am actually feeling a little better after initiating NC. She has texted me a couple of times but I didn't respond. But today she surprisingly called three times and I didn't answer. Still got my heart racing though. I'm wondering what did she want... I don't plan to call or text back, hopefully this is the right thing to do?

Yes it is because talking to her will only set you back. She isn't going to tell you what you want to hear. If she wants you back then she will let you know through text, voicemail, email whatever. This is time for you to heal. She is calling so much because she thought she had you and you would be there to pick up the pieces that her new guy can can't. Keep NC, trust me it's for the best.

Your doing great raims! Keep it up

I agree with Karma, don't bother calling her back. She called because you ignored her texts, she called two more times because you ignored her call. If it were important she would of made a stronger effort to get in contact with you as Karma also said. Do what your doing, keep NC and enjoy yourself, don't worry about your ex.

Thanks, I guess I needed confirmation about what to do. Yeah I think she needed a shoulder to cry on or my help with something. But she won't be getting that from me anymore. She knows where I live and work if she really needs to reach me.

Chances are she didn't need a shoulder to cry on or your help with anything. She is realizing that the power has shifted and is trying to get it back. Keep up NC and I promise you if its something truly serious she will get in contact with you so don't worry about it.

Raims, our stories are quite similar, nearly the same ages and length of dating (except there was no other guy). Once a week my ex would call me, sometimes crying, telling me she is worried that she has made a big mistake, bla bla, she is worried I will find somebody else, calls to tell me I'm the only person that understands her, she really misses me, etc, etc. I was always nice back to her and usually cheered her up, and then I wouldn't hear from her until her next breakdown.

I really recommend that you follow Luckyy's advice, I wish that I had of done those things.

This thread is great!! It shows how NC really can have an effect.

I am in a virtually identical situation: showthread.php?t=376861

My ex keeps contacting me now that I've gone NC and the power has shifted. Reading this thread really helped me understand I am doing the right thing and I shouldn't be worried about being "rude" by ignoring her.

If you guys have any advice for my situation I'd love if you can post on my thread.

Raims, can you give us an update? Is she still contacting you?

PistonHonda6, I read your thread yesterday and thought it was similar situation to mine too. My ex also said the line "I would come crawling back to you and you probably would have moved on". I don't have much to update, she has not contacted me anymore since her calling me 5 days ago. I guess she realized that I'm not talking to her anymore. Keeping no contact is getting harder for me but I will not break it. Trying to work on myself instead. Its still less than 2 weeks of NC so not enought time has passed to have effect. I hope it works out for you.

It gets harder before it gets easier. To be honest even when you think you're in the clear it can and probably will get hard again. As hard as it gets you have to fight the urge and know the urge will pass. Stay strong and hang in there, it will get better

Thanks Karma20 and everyone else in this thread, I really appreciate your support and advice. Guess what, couple of hours after I wrote my last post here she called again. Didn't answer and she left no message so nothing new. I have been feeling really low past few days and I miss her. I was doing much better last week...

Thanks Karma20 and everyone else in this thread, I really appreciate your support and advice. Guess what, couple of hours after I wrote my last post here she called again. Didn't answer and she left no message so nothing new. I have been feeling really low past few days and I miss her. I was doing much better last week...

You will have your good days and bad days, its a roller coaster of a ride. Hang on tight and eventually you'll get off. Let her keep calling if it's important she'll leave a message

Raims that's good to hear she called. Mine called too! This time she left a voicemail, the first she's done that in a longgg time. I wrote about it on my thread. I must have listened to it 10 times already. It's great when they give you a little "gift" like that, unknowingly. It must be hard for them to not know what we are thinking.

I hope things go well for you too. Our situations are so similar. I cant believe yours said the same line about crawling back??? Wow. Maybe my ex is an enotalone.com reader too??? I hope not!

Raims did you find her call to be a boost to your mood? Mine always does, because it makes me feel good to have the control of NC and deciding when I'm going to respond (not until its something I want to hear).

Raims did you find her call to be a boost to your mood? Mine always does, because it makes me feel good to have the control of NC and deciding when I'm going to respond (not until its something I want to hear).

Yes it does boost the mood for the exact reason you said, but it is a dangerous place to be. What if she never contacts you again, then you have lost that control again. Its best not to hope for her contact, it is something out of your control. I keep reminding myself that NC is for my own healing anyway. I will follow your thread to see how it goes for you. Good luck!

After 1.5 weeks of not hearing from her she called me yesterday from unknown number and I answered. All she wanted to know was her bank account number because apparently I was the only person who knew it. Ridiculous. Said she's sorry she has been calling me and she called for the same reason last time but I didn't answer. We didn't talk about anything else and kept it short. Half hour later her sister calls for the same reason unknowing that my ex already called. So I know its not made up reason for my ex to call me.

And like Karma said talking to her set me back. I was doing pretty good already but today I feel like * * * * . Physical pain in chest like the first weeks of breakup and bad thoughts about her with her new bf. I am also a little angry that she tricked me into talking with her about something that could have been solved by texting... Or her calling the freaking bank office Oh well back to NC, I already started to feel better thanks to it...

Raims, I'm sorry to hear this has put you back. Like you said, your ex could've went a different route in acquiring this information. Who knows what she was thinking. I stopped trying to analyze my ex's actions b/c I am usually wrong. We have hope that hearing from them during NC is b/c they miss us or want to work towards reconciliation but it is well documented in this forum the reasons why they actually do. Most of the time it is not for the reasons we think or hope. Continue with the NC and I wish you the best in the healing process. It's hard but it will get better.