Ok, so I'm the Rebound Girl, how do I tell Him I don't want to be?!

This guy i've been seeing for only a couple weeks is amazing, and i love everything about him (and the feelings SEEM mutual) but he just got out of a 4-year relationship and we started dating a month after they broke up.

I wasn't great friends with him before this so i do not know his situation and why they split. But it is clearly obvious that he needs more time to get over his past relationship. But at the same time I don't want to lose him, I still want to be in his life.

I'm worried that if she ever wants to get back together he would drop everything (me) and do it. (again I don't know what happened between them)

How should i tell him that i am not interested in being a rebound girl?

How should i even bring up the topic?

And calling, or talking in person would be the obvious and mature thing to do, but i can be an emotional person (i.e. i dont want to start crying), what about text, or facebook message? - (We only get to see each other 1 or 2 times a week cause we live in different cities. - but we talk everyday)

Thanks for the advice, I really need help with this one!

Wow. Four years...Just tell him straight up, or at least in a text or E-mail.

How about taking it slow? Feel him out a little to determine if he's over his ex or not. You can determine alot from having a long conversation with the person.

A four year relationship and he started dating a month after they broke up...yep, that is rebound. No matter what you do you will lose him because if you stop contact with him he will just find someone else to help him ease his pain..that is his goal right now. Saying you don't want to be a rebound for him is not going to do any good. He will assure you that you are not, you will keep talking to him every day and get more and more hooked and then you will be crushed afterwards. The timing is very bad and perhaps you would be better off distancing yourself from him and telling him that you are really interested in him but feel it is too soon after his break up.

A four year relationship and he started dating a month after they broke up...yep, that is rebound. No matter what you do you will lose him because if you stop contact with him he will just find someone else to help him ease his pain..that is his goal right now. Saying you don't want to be a rebound for him is not going to do any good. He will assure you that you are not, you will keep talking to him every day and get more and more hooked and then you will be crushed afterwards. The timing is very bad and perhaps you would be better off distancing yourself from him and telling him that you are really interested in him but feel it is too soon after his break up.

Couldn't agree more. My ex did this -- started dating a (seemingly) very nice girl a couple of weeks after we split because we had some incompatible life goals. Our lives had been completely intertwined and it was a painful parting. Determined to minimize that pain for himself as much as he could, he took the coward's route of a rebound relationship.

They kind of played each other (she'd had a crush on him prior to him asking her out): he assured her repeatedly that he was over me, and she assured him that she was cool with a casual relationship that might not go anywhere, and that she didn't mind that he and I remained close friends. Not true on all counts.

Lots of drama ensued. They no longer speak -- I think he really hurt her. And pushed her into the crazy zone. I was always respectful of the boundaries of my relationship with my ex -- no talking about our relationship when they were dating, absolutely no physical contact, no discussing their relationship. We mostly talked about music and politics when we stayed in touch. But since he'd started off with her on a lie, their foundation wasn't solid and she was always uneasy about me. Plus he hadn't given himself time to heal from our break-up and get over me.

CAD is right -- there is no way to keep him in your life right now in any significant way. He almost certainly will find a new rebound relationship. I know it hurts to think that the connection you feel with him right now is largely driven by his need for a replacement for his ex but at least you recognize that the situation isn't good. I'd tell him up front, "I think you need friends right now and really aren't in a position to be dating anyone. It's possible that I can be your friend but we probably need a bit of a cooling off period ourselves before trying that."

A man freshly out of a significant relationship might very well wish he was over it, but probably isn't -- especially if he's not even able to talk about it so that you know why they broke up. There is no fix for your situation, no compromise position that might work out in the end. You can walk away with your immediate best interests at heart, and the possibility of reconnecting down the road when he's really back on his feet. Or you can try to maintain the connection you have with him and take the considerable risk that, as real as it seems right now, it's just a will o' the wisp that will leave you feeling very unsatisfied and hurt.

I offer this advice not only based on the experience I had with my ex and his rebound (he and I are still friends), but also having been a divorcing man's unwitting rebound. He and I are not still friends!

I also recommend taking it slow. See where it goes. If he has just gotten out of a 4 year relationship, the last thing he needs it to be in a rush-rush relationship. Depending on what happened between him and his ex, he might want and mihgt not want to get back together with her. I wouldn't try to find out what happened, let me him tell you on his own.

Buyer beware. Since you know he's not ready for a relationship, then you also know he's not ready for a relationship with you.

Buyer beware. Since you know he's not ready for a relationship, then you also know he's not ready for a relationship with you.

Well put and so obviously true when we're outside the situation. But it's very easy to discount this in the face of your own feelings and hopes, and the new person's assertions that the relationship was on its last legs for a long time, ready to end, etc.