What is so wrong with dating older men?

Why do people just automatically assume that an older guy only wants sex from a younger girl? Why is it so "morally wrong"? Why is it any different from any other love situation? If I am fine with the challenges it comes with, why do people always have to be so hard on myself and my man?

Update: I have really put a lot of thought into what all of you have said and there are just some things that I can't reason out. If I married Brian, my step-daughter would be about my own age. That's just weird. Also, my parents wouldn't like him and I really want my parents to like who I date. And, I don't want to be with a man who people think is a creep. I don't want all the whipsers and stares.

He kissed me recently, and it didn't feel right. It just felt like I was doing something wrong. Thank you all for being honest with me, even the brutally honest. I really need a good slap to the cranium.

Because sometimes there are 40 year old men who are probably married secretly trying to get some young 18/19 year old on the side.

It depends on a lot of factors and a lot of different circumstances. It depends on how big the age difference is as well, maturity level, although some younger females tend to like to think they are mature when they aren't. There is such thing that can be TOO OLD. People are at different stages in life, want different things, some people automatically assume its a booty call and nothing more. Or that the younger female will lose interest in a few years to some younger guy etc.

There is just a lot of red flags when one person is barely legal and still emotionally growing while another is in their 30's+.

The red flags don't always mean something but they are there for a reason.

Because sometimes there are 40 year old men who are probably married secretly trying to get some young 18/19 year old on the side.

 

It depends on a lot of factors and a lot of different circumstances. It depends on how big the age difference is as well, maturity level, although some younger females tend to like to think they are mature when they aren't. There is such thing that can be TOO OLD. People are at different stages in life, want different things, some people automatically assume its a booty call and nothing more. Or that the younger female will lose interest in a few years to some younger guy etc.

Why do you assume he's married?

Not all women would lose intrest to a younger man. I never do. I like older men.

That depends what you mean by "older". And it's really more based on the age of the younger person.

55 year old man and 35 year old woman - no problem

45 year old man and 25 year old woman - probably no problem

38 year old man and 18 year old woman - problem

All of these are 20 year gaps. But the biggest issue is when the girl is 18. She hasn't had time to truly mature and develop a sense of herself. And she hasn't been exposed to the dating world for very long so she isn't quite as sure how to handle herself with an older guy. She's barely out of high school while the guy has been out for 20 years. They are totally different people.

Now can it work? Sure, it's possible. But the chances are extremely low.

Now a 20 year age gap where the younger person is 30 is not so big of a deal. Both people have plenty of life experience. The 30 year old likely knows herself and what she's looking for. And if she finds it in a 50 year old, then great!

These are just examples of course. But it might give you an idea of where people are coming from on this.

There is just a lot of red flags when one person is barely legal and still emotionally growing while another is in their 30's+.

 

The red flags don't always mean something but they are there for a reason.

What if that person is already emotionally grown?

Also, I know people in their 30s plus who are still emtionally growing too. So age really doens't apply to this.

when someone has a large age gap... i wonder bc the things in life people want usually come with age.

its likely a 20 year old wants different things out of life and had different experiences/knowledge than a 40 year old does.. and a 60 year old... and so on...

so when two people get together witha large age gap... i think what are they offering each other thats meaningful? if i find it- end of story. if not i assume its bc of sex or money.

Why do you assume he's married?

 

Not all women would lose intrest to a younger man. I never do. I like older men.

Yes, but when that older man wants to start having kids and you are barely 22...then there are problems.

What if that person is already emotionally grown?

 

Also, I know people in their 30s plus who are still emtionally growing too. So age really doens't apply to this.

There is no way that you know that you are emotionally grown. Be realistic here. The brain does not fully develop till mid 20's.

Same thoughts I have.

Twenty years can be overcome much easier if the younger person is over 25... preferably at least 30. One of those reasons is the rate at which we change slows down with age, thus making a person of 30 and 50 more likely compatible than someone 18 and 30.

First of all, it's a bit rude to call me immature without knowing me, since I am 19. Second of all, why is ok for an age gap older and not younger. I have had plenty of dating expierience. Some older people haven't. In fact, I know adults who haven't had as much expierience dating as I have.

What if that person is already emotionally grown?

 

Also, I know people in their 30s plus who are still emtionally growing too. So age really doens't apply to this.

If you have not been 30 yet, how do you know how much growing you will do between now and then?

First of all, it's a bit rude to call me immature without knowing me

Please point out where I called you immature. As I said in my post those age groups are all simply examples.

Same thoughts I have.

 

Twenty years can be overcome much easier if the younger person is over 25... preferably at least 30. One of those reasons is the rate at which we change slows down with age, thus making a person of 30 and 50 more likely compatible than someone 18 and 30.

I agree completely.

whatever beginning age should be put here-25 year olds should stay away from large age gap relationships.

However, 35 dating a 55 seems a lot more appropriate.

when someone has a large age gap... i wonder bc the things in life people want usually come with age.

 

its likely a 20 year old wants different things out of life and had different experiences/knowledge than a 40 year old does.. and a 60 year old... and so on...

 

so when two people get together witha large age gap... i think what are they offering each other thats meaningful? if i find it- end of story. if not i assume its bc of sex or money.

This can sometimes be true, but what about someone younger who has ambitions of one much older than herself. I am ready to get married and have kids and start my career. I want to get a jumpstart on my life. I don't care about wasting time getting drunk and laid through college. If a younger person is mature, what's wrong with dating someone the same maturity level?

This can sometimes be true, but what about someone younger who has ambitions of one much older than herself. I am ready to get married and have kids and start my career. I want to get a jumpstart on my life. I don't care about wasting time getting drunk and laid through college. If a younger person is mature, what's wrong with dating someone the same maturity level?

I would question someone who is 30+ who had the equal maturity level of a 19 year old. You said in a previous thread that he "might be slow".

But if the younger person is perfectly happy with that older person, why hurt their relationship or put unneccasary strain on it by putting them down all the time?

This can sometimes be true, but what about someone younger who has ambitions of one much older than herself. I am ready to get married and have kids and start my career. I want to get a jumpstart on my life. I don't care about wasting time getting drunk and laid through college. If a younger person is mature, what's wrong with dating someone the same maturity level?

Because it is just something wrong with someone almost 40 having the same maturity level of a 19 year old. No matter how mature you believe you are you really don't know until you have lived part of your life. You are just getting out of high school, how do you know you're ready to settle down and have kids? It may seem ideal but you won't truly know for sure until you have gone out and seen the world.

But if the younger person is perfectly happy with that older person, why hurt their relationship or put unneccasary strain on it by putting them down all the time?

How do you mean?

I would question someone who is 30+ who had the equal maturity level of a 19 year old. You said in a previous thread that he "might be slow".

Beat me to it..

But if the younger person is perfectly happy with that older person, why hurt their relationship or put unneccasary strain on it by putting them down all the time?

If two people are truly as mature as you claim, and the relationship is as strong as you claim no matter what outsiders are saying it isn't going to affect your relationship. If it does affect your relationship, obviously it isn't as strong as you think it is.

i was VERY mature when i was a teen. like, WAY mature. very knowledgeable, not naive, cool, calm, collected...

but there is still only so much about life a teen or young woman can know (or thinks she knows)

no one here is saying that you are dumb or immature, but its a bit juvenile to suggest that the dating experience you have had at your age is enough to know what its all about. there is a reason why so many people will question your relationship, bc chances are its not going to work/last. but as sure as you know its what you want and you are happy, enjoy it! there is nothing wrong with it

I would question someone who is 30+ who had the equal maturity level of a 19 year old. You said in a previous thread that he "might be slow".

He's just a little off. He's not mentally handicapped, but he's got some problems relating to other people. He's very shy and doesn't to people much, except for me. I'm the only one who can get him out of his shell. He acts scared around everyone else, but with me he's very comfortable.

I think he has some sort of a social anxiety.

i was VERY mature when i was a teen. like, WAY mature. very knowledgeable, not naive, cool, calm, collected...

 

but there is still only so much about life a teen or young woman can know.

 

no one here is saying that you are dumb or immature, but its a bit juvenile to suggest that the dating experience you have had at your age is enough to know what its all about. there is a reason why so many people will question your relationship, bc chances are its not going to work/last. but as sure as you know its what you want and you are happy, enjoy it! there is nothing wrong with it

 

Oh yeah, same here.

 

I was very mature for my age all through high school. But, I was still a high school kid and I have grown so much since then.

My dad was 37 my mum 21-22 when they met, they had to get through lots of issues like my mum wanting my kids and my dad not being sure. It can work but its hard.