My Mom Thinks I Hate Her...

Hi everyone.

As you can tell by the title, I definitly need some help/advice. I'll give you a briefing of my relationship with my mom.

I'm 16. I live with her. I have my whole life because my "dad" is a drug addict and chose that over us. I have an older brother he's 18. Right now he's in jail, he has been for 3 months. He gets out in a week.

I consider my Mom my best friend. She's always there for me and I'm always there for her. But here lately she keeps saying that I hate her. I quit my job, because there were drugs all over the place where I worked. I plan on getting a job at the beginning of June. I'm not the cleaniest person in the world, but I'm a lazy teenager like everyone else. I do help out though. I do laundry and dishes. When I do have money and I do need things, I'll give my Mom the money instead for bills, food..etc.

Last week she dumped her boyfriend because she came home at 6am and he was drunk. They were together only 2 months. The whole time, he told us his Mom had died, and he was getting $250,000, he was depressed. Blah Blah Blah. Turns out, his Mom is alive. The whole time he was with my Mom he was still seeing his ex wife too. So, my Mom got really upset. I talked to her letting her know she can do WAY better than that. She agreed.

Last night she was gone all night long. This morning I get home and he is at the house. She thinks I hate her just because I don't like seeing her get hurt time after time. Because I tell her that I don't like him, I won't like him and if she gets back with him then I'm moving out. She tells me, "I don't pick and choose your boyfriend's so you shouldn't pick and choose mine." I'm not picking. I just don't want to see her get hurt again and again. He's an alcoholic, he's into drugs, he's abusive. But she doesn't care. She always said men would come first, but I really don't think so this time.

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to move about an hour away, in about 5 or 6 months. So she takes it as I don't need her anymore, that she's horrible, just because I'm moving away. She said "well since you are doing that, then I'm going away" Meaning, far.

I cry everytime my Mom leaves. To go to the store, to work, to anywhere. Because she has told me so many times that she might just leave and never come back. I don't want to lose another parent. I don't want her walking out too. Just because I am 16 and can handle myself, I'm not ready for my Mom to leave me.

I tried telling her all of this, she just stared at me with cold, emotionless eyes. She is the most unhappy person I've ever met. Yet she has two beautiful healthy kids.

What do I do? What do I say? I just don't know anymore. I'm not a bad teenager either. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs. I hang out with my boyfriend. That's all.

PLEASE REPLY.

i'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. you sound more like the parent in this relationship than your mom does. she seems to have some real issues with abandonment, etc., that could be sraightened out by spending some time with a therapist. do you agree, and have you talked to her at all about that?

i don't think you can get through to her because she doesn't sound healthy. until she is ready to straighten out her own life and to get healthy and well, there isn't much you can do to get her to see ur point of view.

you are healthy and she is not. she is not healthy in some way and let me tell you, sick people do sick things, it might be emotionally or spirtually or something........but ppl just don't say things like that to ur kids.

BUT while you may not be able to get her to see ur point of view, there are other people out there that will be supportive and understand and care. so i suggest to look for people that do get it and are healthy enough.

it isn't ur fault in anyway. it is just how things are. until she is there for herself, she can't be there for you. it takes a lot of energy and struggle just being so unhappy everyday.

until she sorts out her own issues, she won't see where ur coming from. but it is up to her and her alone to sort out her issues. if she is ever able to, you will see a whole new person.

will you and your boyfriend be able to support yourselves? it's probably tough because you want more mom to be happy for you and it sounds like hse's just making you feel guilty/bad about wanting to move out. if you're mature enough to move out on your own at 16 then i applaud you. you sound pretty healthy based on your short entry, but it does sound like your mom has a couple issues of her own that she needs to work on. my initial reation is that she's been hurt before, probably a few times. i know you hate to see her hurt, but you have to look at it from her point of view and be sypathetic. there's obviously a reason she goes back. it's a lot easier to be on the outside and critique her relationship than it is to be in it. sometimes we're blinded in our own relationships. continue being supportive of you mom...maybe not of her relationship, but just letting her know you're there for her and you always will be. i'm sure you've told her moving out does not have anything to do with her, rather you feel it's time to move out on your own.

She's always been like this. Her Mom left her on a doorstep when she was little. She almost died because her Mom didn't feed her. And when she was 27 she found out that her father she knew all her life, wasn't her real father.

She went to a therapist before. But she quit. (Money Issues)

My Mom is the worst communicator I know. I ask her something and she just kinda stares at me. So unless I pry, I don't get anywhere with talking to her. But if I do pry, then she yells at me. And I hate being yelled at. I would rather have physical pain then her yelling at me.

The thing I don't get is, why does she take everything out on me?

My brother (who I love to death) is 18. He has never had a job for more than 4 days. He (was) into drugs, very bad. He quit school. He is completely lazy. But he never gets yelled at. It's always me. I don't get it.

I talk to my boyfriend about it, but he has the Brady Bunch kinda life and I have the...Jerry Springer kinda life. He just looks at me. He doesn't know what to say. His Mom and Dad are together.

I just can't live with her when she keeps making me feel like I am a horrible person.

My boyfriend and I can support ourselves. He is getting a new job, making $30 an hour. I'll have a job. We don't need fancy things. Just an apartment.

Your mom may be getting on your case more so than your brothers because she sees you have potential to do something better in your life than your brother. I have notcied that my parents push me harder then my little sister who is still living at home with an off and on job and drinks all the time and she is 20. I moved out when i was 18 and had a full time job and was going to school. I think parents sometimes want to live through their children and make sure they don't make mistakes like they might have made themselves.

i wonder if your mom doesn't take her frustrations out on you because you have your act together and she doesn't. that would explain why she doesn't hassle your brother as much. misery loves company, they say...

what a shame that she wasn't able to continue therapy. i don't understand why the government can't take care of such a basic need for all its people. any chance of talking her into venting her feelings on ENA??

She wouldn't. She's not that type of person. She keeps everything to herself.

I love her with all my heart. I just can't take living with her when she treats me like this.

well, don't feel guilty about leaving the nest. it's a normal part of life for every person. she will get used to you being an hour away when she sees that you still care about her and talk to her as much as you can, which i'm sure you will.

We are now getting ready to be kicked out of our house. We don't have a car to live in either. We honestly don't have anywhere to go. It won't be long until my boyfriend and I get our own place, but now my Mom said "Why don't you get a 2 bedroom, so I can live with you. And Andrew. (my brother) and his dog." I couldn't say no. I didn't say yes though.

1. My Mom doesn't pay rent. She spends money on other stupid crap.

2. We can't have pets. We aren't going to sneak around and keep a pet either.

3. I can't live with her!!!