Rant: I can't express myself knowing that my bf is watching me.

[ghostfreak]

I would create a new username (and maybe e-mail?) and post using that so he won't know.

[SherriLi]

I didnt say you were discusting I said this is a discusting example of codependancy when violence breeds more violence.

 

there was nothing offensive in what I wrote.

 

-DG724

 

I'm sorry DG, I must have misunderstood you.

[SherriLi]

Thank you for all the links and information Hope, I had no idea that you were in an abusive relationship also. I am sorry that you have had to go through this. I guess you know also, how hard it is to actually leave to right? You see the door. You know that life would be happier. You know that it would be harder. But harder would be alot better than walking on eggshells. You know that you'd have a piece of mind. But what happens? You take him back. Over and over and over again.

 

This past weekend. It was another bad one. I took a step towards sticking up for myself. I got the silent treatment all night friday and i didn't even know why. When ever i asked him what was wrong, he'd just say nothing. Then he slept on the couch. The next day, was even worse... he was BROODING, sittiing there staring at nothing.

 

I went out garage sailing and when I got back he was gone. He went out partying. I enjoyed my day with my girls. Went out to visit my mom and sister. They were all having drinks at my mom's so i hung out there and gabbed with them for a while.

 

I returned home later, and he got home at about 9:00, from then on out, all he did was storm into my room and yell and scream at me. He tried taking my car while he was drunk. I ran out side to get in it so he couldn't leave. When i left the door he locked me out in my bare stocking feet

 

I didn't yell back. I just asked him over and over to leave me alone. By the time 11pm hit and he still persisted to keep me up, by stomping in the room to scream at me, i called my mom's and talked to my brother. I told him that i was coming to spend the night.

 

He didn't want me to leave. I went to the room and put on some clothes, and when i tried to leave the room, he wouldn't let me. He actually said this time "NO. I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE" He was guarding my bedroom door. When he said that it got me feeling completely clausterphobic and powerless. So i fought my way through. I did what i had to, to get past the door. When i finally did. I called the cops.

 

They came and took him away. The cop could see that i was scared. He could see that I was scared about how he'd react to me putting him in jail when he got out.

 

He came back to me of course. When he did, he was sorry. Sorry for treating me the way he did. For yelling. But he also knows that i won't put up with it again. I don't think he'll be treating me like that again. And if he does, he knows that i won't stand for it. I made that clear when he came back. Next time he does anything like that, he knows that i will indeed press charges. I won't let him come around again after that.

 

Just like the cop said. "Maybe it will be a wake up call for him" That's what i was hoping for. I think that it just might be that. I know that none of you will think the same. You probably think that it will happen again. In fact, i'm sure that your positive that it will happen again. I hope that you aren't right. But i am going to stick to my guns if you are right Hope. I will charge him the next time he tries to trap me the way that he does. Then it will be over.

 

I know that he would never hurt his child. He's been wanting a son for the longest time. Now he's getting one. He'd never ever harm him. He wouldn't harm my children either. He hasn't done so much as spank my kids when they've gotten themselves into trouble.

 

The cop was very nice to me. He told me that he dealt with domestic abuse everyday. Most of the time, the women were angry. He said that he could see that i was scared, and apprehensive, and that it wasn't good. What did he mean by that? Does anyone get this? Why I would be scared that he was super mad being taken away, while other women were angry?

 

I had asked the cop to just take him to his BIL's house. But the cop told me that he started getting lippy with him. SO they took him in. My bf's story the next day, was that they just arrested him right then and there. It doesn't matter anyhow.

[Hope75]

Just like the cop said. "Maybe it will be a wake up call for him" That's what i was hoping for. I think that it just might be that. I know that none of you will think the same. You probably think that it will happen again. In fact, i'm sure that your positive that it will happen again. I hope that you aren't right. But i am going to stick to my guns if you are right Hope. I will charge him the next time he tries to trap me the way that he does. Then it will be over.

 

I know that he would never hurt his child. He's been wanting a son for the longest time. Now he's getting one. He'd never ever harm him. He wouldn't harm my children either. He hasn't done so much as spank my kids when they've gotten themselves into trouble.

Sheri,

 

You're right about what I am thinking. I called the cops on my guy over a dozen times. And they took him away, and he was always sorry when he came back. And for a few days he'd be nice. But he always did it again. It's not a wake up call. Your guy doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he's doing- that's the fundemental difference between him and most other people. He's just dong and saying whatever he can to get you to take him back.

 

And every time you take him back you show him that no matter what you said before, you accept this treatment from him, and you will continue to. How do I know this? Because I did it too.

 

I do know how hard it is to leave- but I am living proof that when you do leave, your life will become easier- not harder. Better, not worse.

 

You are kidding yourself when you say he won't hurt your baby. He already is- when he abuses you while you are pregnant with the baby. It will only get worse. He's not improving Sherri Li, and you can see that. He's actually getting worse... or you are just admitting to more abuse from him. I'm not sure why you are turning a blind eye to that.

 

Did you look at those articles I sent you? You, like every women who has been abused before you, thinks that now that you are pregnant he will change, he will become this kind and loving person. You think you are the exception to the rule. Read those articles. Those women thought the same thing. Statistics don't lie- and neither does your guy's behavior.

 

I came within 4 inches of being in a morgue. 4 inches of being buried at 22 by my parents. 4 inches. Because like you I wanted to believe my guy would change. How close are you willing to get? How much of your daughter's and baby's future are you willing to risk, for every day that you stay with him?

 

Who are you kidding, Sheri Li?

[Hope75]

I wanted to add one more thing, Sheri.

 

Hope, I had no idea that you were in an abusive relationship also. I am sorry that you have had to go through this.

Don't feel sorry for me. I am now with a wonderful guy for almost 5 years who treats me like gold and who I plan to marry- a guy who is kind, loving, patient, and who shows me every day that he loves me with his actions. After I left my abusive ex, I went back to college- twice. I graduated Magna Cum Laude and am now a nurse, making a great living helping others. I have good friends and a full life. I am grateful for every day that I am here. I know that the dark place where I came from is what motivated me to be where I am today. It shaped me.

 

The price I paid will not be in vain if other women and men who are in abusive situations can take something from what happened to me and save themselves too. Because no one can save you except you. But when will you have had enough?

 

I was controlled, beaten, choked, pinned down, screamed at, raped, punched, bitten, pushed, hit and kicked. I was nearly murdered. For 5 years I lived in my own prison. But if hearing what I went through gets one woman to wake up and take herself (and any children) to safety, it will not be for nothing.

 

Don't make what I went through nothing to you Sheri. We are more alike than you know.

[DragonGirl724]

sherri,

 

listen to Hope.

[SherriLi]

Well, I finally got a chance to see the councillor. She was very nice. I burst when i opened my mouth to start talking. I told her the whole history of our relationship.

 

She confirmed what all of you have told me. That he is treating me with very abuse behavior. I told her that he wanted to see her too. I also told her that, this is my last effort to save this relationship. She gave me 2 little tests to use on him, to see his reactions. My next appointment is on monday.

 

He made me feel like lazy garbage yesterday. I was sick to my stomache and VERY tired from MS. I was going to take the afternoon off, but he gave me heck. "What you can't even sit at a freakin desk? Are you going to take the next 9 monthes off? Playing hookey again???" Ugh he made me feel sooo crappy. I told him i'd go sleep somewhere else, called him an insensitive a**hole and left.

 

A letter was waiting for me when i got home, he apologized profusley. Saying that he's been a fool and he should have been supporting me more. I know I know... they always do this right?

 

He was trying to get me to tell him EVERYTHING i said to the councillor. When i told him that it should be between me and her. He was upset that i told her about the cops and that he beat me. I felt that i needed to give the complete history of our relationship for her to help us... Was i wrong?

 

He thinks now he has to defend himself to her... instead of confide in her. So now i'm not sure if he'll go. He told me that i shouldn't have told her all that right away. Now he'll have a hard time seeing her... I should have eased into it. Was I wrong in doing this?

[SherriLi]

This has been bugging me ever since i've been out of denial about him abusing me. ----- Thanks to all you people and the cop...

 

Do you think that he abused his ex? I wonder, it bothers me. Either way it will hurt. If he was an abuser back then. It shows that he probably won't ever stop.

 

I can't see him abusing her though. If he abused her, you'd think that she wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with him right?

 

On the other hand. If the abuse started with me... I wonder how badly he hates me. How much of a horrible person i am, to bring on abuse like this, where as his past girlfriends didn't. Thinking about that brings tears to my eyes.

[Hope75]

Sherri,

 

You have MS? I don't think I knew that. You are going through alot right now- and it's perfectly understandable that you were exhuasted- you are in your first trimester and MS is very fatiguing on it's own.

 

I think you were 100% correct in giving the counselor the entire picture- she can't help you if she doesn't know the whole story. And the fact that your boyfriend is angry about that and now doesn't want to go to counseling... another big red flag.

 

Sheri Li.... *sigh* you know how I feel about this whole situation. You need to leave him. He's not going to change. The only thing you can change about this situation is by leaving him and not putting up with the abuse anymore. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. This isn't just about you anymore.

[Hope75]

This has been bugging me ever since i've been out of denial about him abusing me. ----- Thanks to all you people and the cop...

 

Do you think that he abused his ex? I wonder, it bothers me. Either way it will hurt. If he was an abuser back then. It shows that he probably won't ever stop.

 

I can't see him abusing her though. If he abused her, you'd think that she wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with him right?

 

On the other hand. If the abuse started with me... I wonder how badly he hates me. How much of a horrible person i am, to bring on abuse like this, where as his past girlfriends didn't. Thinking about that brings tears to my eyes.

 

Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault. Sheri- there is NOTHING you could do to deserve or warrant him beating you- I don't care how upset he got at you over what. Abuse and violence is NEVER an acceptable way to handle ANYTHING. This is about HIM- NOT about YOU.

 

You perpetuate the cycle and continue to allow and justify it by blaming yourself, a classic tactic of abuse victims. I did it too- and it's wrong.

 

How he treated an ex is irrelevant. LOOK AT HOW HE TREATS YOU. What more information do you need?

 

Ask yourself - deep down, where you are afraid to look at the truth: Would someone who loves and respects you EVER lay a hand on you this way? EVER threaten you? EVER DREAM OF HURTING YOU WHILE YOU ARE CARRYING HIS CHILD?

 

If you answer those things truthfully you will see only one solution....

 

leave him.

[SherriLi]

Sherri,

 

You have MS? I don't think I knew that. You are going through alot right now- and it's perfectly understandable that you were exhuasted- you are in your first trimester and MS is very fatiguing on it's own.

 

I think you were 100% correct in giving the counselor the entire picture- she can't help you if she doesn't know the whole story. And the fact that your boyfriend is angry about that and now doesn't want to go to counseling... another big red flag.

 

Sheri Li.... *sigh* you know how I feel about this whole situation. You need to leave him. He's not going to change. The only thing you can change about this situation is by leaving him and not putting up with the abuse anymore. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. This isn't just about you anymore.

 

 

Sorry, when i said MS i meant morning sickness for short. Not the disease.

 

I think he's still going to go. But he was upset with me that i told her so much on the first day. Now he says he'll feel like a "batterer" as he put it when he goes to see her..

 

If he refuses to go to councilling for this, then Hope i SWEAR I will leave him.

[Hope75]

Sorry, when i said MS i meant morning sickness for short. Not the disease.

 

I think he's still going to go. But he was upset with me that i told her so much on the first day. Now he says he'll feel like a "batterer" as he put it when he goes to see her..

 

If he refuses to go to councilling for this, then Hope i SWEAR I will leave him.

 

He should feel like a batterer. That is exactly what he is. And until he faces his crime and owns it, and admits to it, and works on it, nothing will ever change.

 

Sheri Li, abusers rarely if ever make changes that last. You are the only one who can change this situation by not allowing him to treat you this way anymore by leaving.

[DragonGirl724]

sherri,

 

your bf is totally in the wrong and he doesnt want anyone to know thats why he got so pissed at u for telling the therapist.

 

you did the absolute right thing. i think if he ever truly looked at himself in the mirror and saw how ugly of a person he is being he'd go off the deep end.

 

I think its best you 2 separate and live apart while going thru therapy. therapy is not going to cure him, it may make him feel more rage. it's best you take care of yourself and get the hell out. he is extremely dangerous to you & the baby. even if he doesnt hit you, which there is NO guarantee that he wont, the emotional stress is unhealthy for a baby and a pregnant woman, so I strongly suggest you 2 go your separate ways. he has no right to know what u talked about in therapy its confidential. he's such a pr**k and he is totally a threat to you and your unborn child!

 

I can't see him abusing her though. If he abused her, you'd think that she wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with him right?

um, how can u say that? here YOU are trying to be romantically involved with someone who currently abuses you...why is maintaininng a friendship with an ex-abuser such a weird concept for you? you're doing the same thing all while wanting to stay with your abuser. (maybe now you see where we're all coming from)

get out and fast! seek therapy to help yourself-NOT TO FIX HIM. he needs months maybe years of serious therapy if he even wants to change. to bring another life into this mess is selfish. take your kids and stay far away from this guy. If he ever wises up and straightens up years down the line and realizes his behaviors are wrong and knows how to control his rage then maybe he'll come back to you, but hopefully by then you would have been long gone and will never look back.

 

-DG724

[SherriLi]

um, how can u say that? here YOU are trying to be romantically involved with someone who currently abuses you...why is maintaininng a friendship with an ex-abuser such a weird concept for you? you're doing the same thing all while wanting to stay with your abuser. (maybe now you see where we're all coming from)

 

get out and fast! seek therapy to help yourself-NOT TO FIX HIM.

 

Well, my reasoning behind that, is that once she got out... maybe she wouldn't want contact anymore... ya know what i mean?

 

She has told me that their relationship was more bad than good. He told me that they went through hell and back. So it kinda makes me wonder. If he was abusive to her too.

 

Or if it started with me. If i'm such a horrible person to make himinto an abuser. I know that he's got alot of past issues that contributed. But what if i brang them out of him?

 

Also yes DG, you are right. I am going to councilling to help me. Only he can fix himself. I hope he plans to.

 

The funny thing is, He wanted me to go to councilling to fix my problems. He thinks that there is ALOT wrong with me.... and that it isn't his fault. I'm going to keep my sanity. And to curb my reaction towards some of the mean and rude things that he says and does.

 

One example is: I basically do everything for him... If he is out of deoderant, harispray etc... he asks me to go buy him some.

 

I go out, and i get him the wrong kind. He tells me he hates the deoderant, that it smells like a babies *ss etc. I go out and get him hairspray, he says it's horrible that he smells like a fag.... After he got mad, he smashed the bottle of hairspray and left a big sticky puddle on the floor.

 

She gave me techniques on how to handle this. To maybe get a diferent more positive reaction out of him....

 

So maybe me going will improve what i can with the relationship

[notsure2007]

Hi Sherri,

 

We all have said or done things that we are not so proud of to hurt our partner, but ultimately we are responsible for our own actions. So whatever you think you may have done to him, verbally abusing him, slapping him, etc., it doesn't justify him hurting you. The cycle has got to stop, but that only comes with self-realization. Also, you need to have the self-confidence that you are a good person and you deserve a good husband.

 

I broke up with my ex- bc she kept lying to me and ultimately I found out she was cheating. I think I have grown to be very controlling, angry, and jealous from that situation -- I have never resorted to physical abuse though.

 

I told my current gf about this before we started, and told her that I really needed to work on it. I have improved a lot, but it is still difficult for me, bc I'm AFRAID it'll happen again. And I don't even know why I'm afraid. I really hate it, and I try to fight it. I know that I have irrational fears. Hey, my gf is afraid of tons of things and she doesn't know why either. In any case, this is a continual struggle for me, but I know I can get better, and I know I can be a great bf.

 

My point is that, there was probably something in his past that is causing this behavior in him, but that is no excuse for his present behavior. He has to take responsibility for what he's doing now. He has a choice, and he can't keep saying it's bc of his relationship with his ex. I was unable to read all of the posts beforehand, so I'm not sure this was covered, but have you read the article "The Loser"?

 

link removed

 

This was a wake-up call for me bc I finally realized how I was behaving. I do not think that I exhibit most or even half of the behaviors listed in the article, but I have been jealous and controlling. It doesn't matter, I don't want to even have one of those behaviors and I'm scared to death that my gf reads that article and thinks that maybe I'm this monster she has to get away from. This is the reaction he should have.

 

If you really, really want to give him one last chance: Perhaps what you can do is have someone your partner trusts and believes in pass him that article. If he responds in a positive way, i.e. apologizing and being remorseful for what he has been doing, really wants to improve, and has an action plan, I say gave him more of a chance. I think the red flags are normally physical/sexual abuse, drugs/alcohol abuse. As for mental abuse, he may not realize he's inflicting that upon you and he really doesn't want to do that.

 

If he does not react positively to it, then you need to separate yourself. You need to have him promise that he will never hit you again. I don't think counseling will help or much of anything will help. He has to want to change himself. He has to want to be a better person and a better boyfriend.

 

However, keep in mind that you are making this decision for you AND the baby. Your baby has no choice in this, so if you make the wrong choice, you may be allowing your him to hurt your baby. So don't be selfish here. We all don't want to feel alone, but I would give up my wife if I knew she abused my child.

 

Good luck.

[Hope75]

Or if it started with me. If i'm such a horrible person to make himinto an abuser. I know that he's got alot of past issues that contributed. But what if i brang them out of him?

 

I'm going to tell you this again, Sheri. NOTHING you ever do excuses or causes his behavior. This is not about you- it's about him.

 

A healthy, normal, rational and reasonable person does not act like he does. No matter how much their partner gets on their nerves or upsets him. Never. This is not about you- it's about him.

 

I was the first girl that my ex beat up. The first that he raped, the first that he strangled, the first that he slammed in the door until I bled as was black and blue. The first that he threw a bowling ball at.

 

But it was not my fault.

 

And I was not the last. He's married now, with a young daughter. He beats his wife and their friends tried to pull an intervention- but like you, she won't leave him. He beat her while she was pregnant. And he has hit their little girl, their little 2 year old, recently. She thought he would never do that.

 

The point is- where it started it doesn't matter. What matters is he beats you and controls you. And now you are pregnant.

 

What would you tell a friend in your situation? What would you tell your daughter if she were in a relationship with a man who beats and controls her? And if she were pregnant in this situation? What would you tell her?

[DN]

SherriLi: is there anything that Hope has said to you that doesn't make complete sense? I urge you to read through what she has said because she has been where you are now and she knows what she is talking about. I consider her a friend on here and I know how happy she is now compared to how unhappy she was when in a situation very similar to yours. You too can be as happy and free from abuse as she is - she has a boyfriend who loves her and treats her with kindness and respect. Is that not what you deserve as well?

 

You can have all that but not if you stay in this situation.

 

Beware of simply venting on here and allowing the situation to continue. We can offer you advice and you have received some of the best - but only you can actually do something to get yourself out of this situation. You have the power to change your life and people like Hope, and others who have posted on this thread can help. But their help is limited - you must actually do it.

 

And I know you can.

[tiredofvampires]

Hi Sherri --

 

Yes, to answer to your post (to my post), I DO know how it feels to find it so hard to leave, especially when there are "still good things."

 

I know it can be a real dilemma: on the scales in your mind, there is on one hand a diamond. And on the other side of the scale, there is a 50 foot mound of s--t. Someone in your head tells you that you can have the diamond, but only if you take that heap of stinking manure with it.

 

You cannot imagine because it is not within your realm of consciousness and knowing that you deserve it that you CAN have the diamond without having to eat s--t as a trade-off.

 

The problem with looking at the apologies and the good few things is that there are ALWAYS "good" (or rather "better") things you can fish out of the quagmire, and as I said, do you think other women in abusive relationships also aren't in the exact same position of thinking THEIR guy has some redeeming qualities? EVERY ABUSED WOMAN STAYS BECAUSE SHE LOVES HER MAN. You and the entire population of abused women. So you are not unique; you are not an exception nor is your relationship exceptional; you are the norm, women would not stay if not out of a mixture of hope (which is groundless), fear of leaving and most of all love (as the feeling of being meshed with this person anyway); you are already the embodiment of what it means to stay in an abusive relationship because you love someone and have not hit bottom yet though they are giving you EVERY WARNING TO LEAVE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

 

As for your saying you will not "tolerate" his physically trapping you anymore, outside in the driveway, or in the bedroom -- listen to what Hope has said as the voice of someone who survived to tell you, and here is what I add to this: whatever you do, do not intercept him with your body if you can at all help it, because he may take a swing at you or push you in a manner that will irreversibly harm your fetus. You seem to take these aggressive tactics with him to "fight back" when at this point, your fighting back will put you and your baby in very grave danger. You cannot afford to experiment with how to "not tolerate" him anymore.

 

My paternal grandfather (who I never met) abused my grandmother in every way possible, and when she was pregnant with her 4th child, he managed to deliver a blow that caused my uncle (that unborn baby) to be mentally retarded. He was a healthy fetus before that, and he grew up to have the mentality of about a 4-year old. I never met him either, because he ran out scared one day into the street like a child, and got hit by a car and was killed.

 

This is what you are risking. What we are doing here is saying, you are on a path with warning signs all around. "DANGER!! DO NOT ENTER!" But you enter and say, if I see something that looks really dangerous here, I will get out, "I promise!" Then another sign, "FALLING ROCKS! DO NOT ENTER!!" You proceed and say I will watch my head and the cliff, and if I see a rock coming my way, I will run for cover. Then another sign: "CLIFF ENDS HERE, DO NOT PROCEED!" And you say, if I see the drop below me, I will stop short and not go over! I have control over this -- well, by the time the rock you didn't see coming falls on your head, it's too late to strategize, the damage will be swift and too late. If you are lucky enough to get to the precipice, by the time you realize your footing is gone and you are flying over the edge, it's too late. You do not have the control you think you have to keep the danger away. THAT IS WHY THE SIGNS ARE POSTED, AND WHY WE ARE POSTING -- so that you see them, read them and instead of entering and continuing on, you turn around and say I am not going to wait to see if I never come out of here, or if I do, with crushed bones.

 

I repeat, you cannot afford to experiment with how to "not tolerate" him anymore. The only way to show him you will not tolerate him anymore (since he is not going to be trained like a dog!) is to LEAVE HIM.

 

Of course, the reason this is so hard for you is that you can rationally and intellectually understand all this, yet one's heart is irrational. Feelings are irrational, love is not rational, fear is not rational. In the world of emotions, there are no good, disciplined kids! So here it is: you will have to treat your emotions like they are kids who do not know better, who will understand when they get older and grow up. You will have to look at your emotions as kindly as you would your child who wants something really badly but you know better why that child cannot have that thing. That thing is this relationship. I know you feel you don't deserve something better -- oh, in your mind you can say you do believe you deserve better, but where the emotions are, again they do not believe your intellect on this one either. So you will have to tell yourself when you look at the door which is still open for you to leave and always is: "I am going to have faith that there is a better life waiting for me that I deserve and can have. I fear it won't be there, I fear I will be alone for a long time, I fear I cannot provide for my kids and my unborn child, I fear that I will feel lost without him as an achor and will miss him so much it will kill me. I am afraid I'd be disloyal and betraying him to leave...I don't even know if I'm a horrible person, but I am going to leave anyway just because I want to try a different experiment this time. I want to try an equally hard but different experiment which is having blind faith (which means just doing it with no idea how it will happen or unfold) that this is going to one day be my shining moment of courage and I will be able to thank myself for it and see all the things I gained by doing so, and seeing it was a trick and a lie that I am horrible. One day I will figure all that out, I don't have to feel good about myself now. All I have to do is take the steps (when you know it is safe, he is out and you can arrange it without him being there to block you) to pack and leave even if I question who and what I am and how dare I, I do it on blind faith based on what my Higher Parent Self is telling this child I am inside."

 

You can do it now, or you can do it later when on top of all the pain and maybe tragic damage has occurred, you look back with rage at yourself for having wasted these precious chances and years of your life. Some women older than you stay for years, and on top of picking up the pieces, they have lost so many YEARS, years that cannot be gotten back. You are still young, you don't have to throw all those years down the drain only to look back and mourn them later.

 

What is it you most fear about leaving?

[SherriLi]

You can do it now, or you can do it later when on top of all the pain and maybe tragic damage has occurred, you look back with rage at yourself for having wasted these precious chances and years of your life. Some women older than you stay for years, and on top of picking up the pieces, they have lost so many YEARS, years that cannot be gotten back. You are still young, you don't have to throw all those years down the drain only to look back and mourn them later.

 

What is it you most fear about leaving?

 

Edit: What is my fear of leaving? To tell you the truth, he gave me an incurable STD (not fatal) and for one, I'm scared of never having a partner again. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's bussiness. I can't go around to potential dates, being honest with them, and i can't go and be intimate with out telling them about risks, you know it just feels wrong! I feel i will be alone forever because of this.

 

Also, what if i can't do any better? What if part of me deserves what he's dishing out? I know I have a low self opinion, but it's just the way that i feel. I'm having a child with him... I'll be connected to him forever.... That scares me. It scares me to raise this child on my own. It scares me to be alone!

 

 

 

TOV, Your post was absolutley amazing. I thank you greatly for it.

 

Your words have hit me in a way that is filling me with shock but also with dread. Because you are absolutley right.

 

I will not be young forever, I can't replace these years... Yet i'm spending them, being treated like garbage in a dumpster and i'm putting up with it! Making excuses for him!!!!

 

I don't know what it is, if it's my willingness to try, ie: councilling and him discouraging that. Or just everyone telling that he's abusing me over and over again. I was in denial about this when i first posted this thread, amazingly enough. I was probably right up until the end. I'm not sure what woke me up, but i'm awake now! It could've been a well known poster on my forum recognizing that i was being abused with only one sentence that was a far cry from me saying anything about being pushed or confined etc. or it could be the cop telling me and my therapist and all you people that have stuck with me. But i see what he's doing to me.

 

I am not going to stand for it anymore. I've told him it was over a few times since i've last posted here, he's always sucked me back in.

 

This past week really was an eye opener though. If you care to know, i can post it.

 

I also suspect him to be cheating, I don't have proof or evidence, just a suspicion and weird behavior, I'm going to post it to see if i can get some insight on whether my suspicions are right or if i'm just jumping to conclusions.

 

Thank you and (((hugs))) to you TiredofVampires, Hope, and Mavis, and all the other posters that took the time to respond to my thread, You helped me more than you know.

 

All i have left to do though, is the hardest part.... BUT! I know that i HAVE TO and WILL do it. That is the beginning of the end right?

[Mavis VDSande]

YES it is the beginning - of a new start and great things to come. I'm glad you realised what he was doing to you - you know you're the SAME age as me and I can't imagine what you're going through. I just know that you should fight for your right to be respected, and loved.

 

You should make a strong attempt to remove yourself from his life asap, just do it. The quicker the break-off, the better for you. Don't suspect any more about this man or whether he's having an affair or whatever, he's not worth it - he's history! But your child is YOURS and he may have genetic links but he has no emotional ones.

 

We're all here for you remember

[Hope75]

Hi Sheri,

 

 

I am glad if you have woken up and can see the light now. That is a major step. I still remember my 'waking' moment. I was home getting ready for work when a talk show came on. It was Montel Williams, and it was about women who's husbands or boyfriends had nearly killed them after abusing them. One woman was doused in gasoline and burned. She has scars from 3rd degree burns all over her body. Another woman's husband beat her with a baseball bat, and she was paralyzed. I felt so bad for those women.. and then I realized that they were me. They are you, too. Sheri.

 

'Waking moments' don't always last. I hope that you will act on your waking moment and get out now. Have you told your mother what's going on? How about your friends?

[DragonGirl724]

Sherri much love and power to you to go forth with protecting yourself and leaving this situation. As for the incurable STD read the stats on HPV, & HSV you'd be surprised to know that 1 out out 4 sexually active Americans have one or both.

 

If that is indeed what it is. Never let something like that prevent you from finding new love. It happens all the time! people overlook things like that when true love is present.

 

keep us posted and let us know more about your courageous week!!

 

-DG724

[SherriLi]

YES it is the beginning - of a new start and great things to come. I'm glad you realised what he was doing to you - you know you're the SAME age as me and I can't imagine what you're going through. I just know that you should fight for your right to be respected, and loved.

 

You should make a strong attempt to remove yourself from his life asap, just do it. The quicker the break-off, the better for you. Don't suspect any more about this man or whether he's having an affair or whatever, he's not worth it - he's history! But your child is YOURS and he may have genetic links but he has no emotional ones.

 

We're all here for you remember

 

Your absolutley right! Thank you Mavis , You've been awesome and ever so patient with me

 

Hi Sheri,

 

 

I am glad if you have woken up and can see the light now. That is a major step. I still remember my 'waking' moment. I was home getting ready for work when a talk show came on. It was Montel Williams, and it was about women who's husbands or boyfriends had nearly killed them after abusing them. One woman was doused in gasoline and burned. She has scars from 3rd degree burns all over her body. Another woman's husband beat her with a baseball bat, and she was paralyzed. I felt so bad for those women.. and then I realized that they were me. They are you, too. Sheri.

 

'Waking moments' don't always last. I hope that you will act on your waking moment and get out now. Have you told your mother what's going on? How about your friends?

 

Well, my friends no, I've lost touch with all of them since he's been back. He doesn't like my friends and no one comes around since he's moved back. Sadly i've lost tounch with everyone but my brothers and sister... My mom knows about me calling the cops and my family knows that we aren't getting along. My sister knows EVERYTHING....

 

Thank you for everything Hope... This won't be the last you've heard from me though lol.

 

Sherri much love and power to you to go forth with protecting yourself and leaving this situation. As for the incurable STD read the stats on HPV, & HSV you'd be surprised to know that 1 out out 4 sexually active Americans have one or both.

 

If that is indeed what it is. Never let something like that prevent you from finding new love. It happens all the time! people overlook things like that when true love is present.

 

keep us posted and let us know more about your courageous week!!

 

-DG724

 

Thanks for the reasurrance DG, but i'm sure that i won't find a mate for a long long time. I need to be alone for awhile anyway... I'm sure i'll embrace the freedom once i get it anyway.

[Mavis VDSande]

This won't be the last you'll hear from us girl! We want updates - progress - action of this man leaving your life. We want to support you so do let us know what's happening!

[Hope75]

Your sister, brother and mother will be your support system as you prepare to put him out, and of course us here at enot are always here for you.

 

DG is right, there is a startling number of people out there with STI's these days. As long as you are honest about that and protect yourself and others, you will get through it. You are right about needing some time to yourself and to your family, but there will come a time when you will feel ready to share yourself with someone again. And now that you are learning to treat yourself with respect, others will follow.

 

When do you plan to kick him out?