is it over?

[boringname]

I don't know why he is contacting you now.

 

What on earth do you think that this man/boy can offer you?

 

Block him from msn to remove the temptation and let yourself move on. If he really wants to make a go of things he will call and explain and arrange to meet - anything less than this small gesture is a waste of your time.

 

Take care

[S agapo]

I really miss him. I think about him all the time, the good and how i feel for him, and when we were together and speaking, and also the bad thats happened in the last 2 months. Still a shock.

 

I haven't tried calling him since ages ago.

 

I logged on to my msn couple weeks ago. He said Hi as soon as. but to cut that story short.. lets just say i got very upset with him and i said a few things which ended really badly on msn, and via text later that evening. I gave him enough chances and open doors for him to respect my feelings and talk to me, if he wanted to save 'us' , and it felt that he was twisting the blame on me in the situation or playing blind and stupid.. Then last week i get a phone call from his cousin at my work. I told him everything. Everything that i wanted to tell my Ex. So there was me thinking a miracle could happen.

 

I am that close to breaking the NC. I am hoping he will contact me first. I KNOW how silly am i?! But deep down, i don't think he will.

 

He still has me un-blocked on his msn.

 

I can't get over this. I believe in communication and respect in a relationship, especially LD, and as soon as he asked for space, with out any 'time period' i reacted really badly.

 

I apologized for my actions what i said couple weeks ago b'cos. So i stood up for what i did wrong.

 

I sit and think to myself if he ever thinks about me.

[s758535]

Try to focus on your life instead of making him the centre of your attention. Once you sort your life out, then you might realise what you want..

Meanwhile don't contact him...

And if he does, then is your turn to say that you need some time to think things over... and see what happens in the future....

(right now I think there is too much anger inside you, and it can easily be brouht up if you have contact with him...)

 

so No Contact

 

 

Good Luck!!!

[S agapo]

When he did make contact by text or even by msn, it sounded almost nothing had happened... and he would start a conversation (very small talk) that would more then like, would wind me up, cos it wasn't the convo i wanted to hear nor have. I wanted a explaination and at least a apology towards my feelings and how he had treated me in the last couple months coming. To talk about all this and why it all started. For me to listen to him. etc etc.. I tried many times to speak to him, and save our relationship.. communicate with him, and i got nothing.

[S agapo]

I feel like a emotional wreck today. I lived on hope and for a miracle, and i forced myself to try and try hoping that i would get him back. He has deleted me for good, from his msn/email. FROM his life.

 

What did i seriously do wrong by him?! I was honest, loving, decent, committed,and caring enough to want.

 

I spoke to his aunty and uncle yesterday. They called me. They asked what happened. What had i had to loose here to tell them, i didn't want to tell them cos i knew if he found out i told them, he would not like it getting them involved. So, i told them, they were gutted (and these are people i never met), told them how i fell in love with him, and that he hurt my feelings in wanting his 'space' thing and avoiding me and not being able to talk to me like a human being. They couldn't understand why he wanted his distance in our LDR when we only got to see each other 1 or 2 times a month. They said they would try and speak to him or get a relative to speak to him, and find out what happened on his side. They asked me if his parents had anything to do with 'us' (being in controll or somewhat?!). I said i dunno. I had a whole hour speaking to them. I told them the truth.

 

Well, someone must of told him of the conversation this morning, and he deleted me. He hates me.

 

He is so selfishly wrapped up his own life and work.

 

 

I feel so rubbish inside.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it sounds like he didn't really want a serious girlfriend to begin with, just casual dates. you can't have a relationship with a person if they don't want to be serious with you.

 

i am sorry that you are hurting, but you can now recognize it as over and start to heal yourself. i think once you spill your guts to relatives of his, he may be quite angry about this as they are 'his' people, so you can take that as a recognition that it is really over and you need to move on.

 

start spending time with your other friends and try to put him out of the center of your thoughts. don't spend time talking to his relatives, as that only spurs you on to obsess about him more. you need to take some time to heal, then move on to find someone who really is available and wants to be with you rather than just have a relationship via texts.

[S agapo]

Hi, thanks for advise x

I spoke to his aunt once before, this was a year ago when she called for something regards to the job i do. When she rang the other day, it was out of the blue. She asked what happened b'cos she and her family were talking about the situation between myself and now my ex. I didn't feel good in telling and i hesitated at first, but i thought, hey; let me get my voice heard, plus I had nothing to loose in telling her, knowing that once my ex found out, he would of hated it. I even spoke to his uncle (his dad's brother) They were as sad to hear what happened and could not understand the sudden change in him. I explained when we were together there were no signs of his negative, even when i was with him last and spoke to him last that we both agreed and felt wanting the same together etc etc... Well, men like him realise their loss one day. I have no choice to move on.

[irka]

How do you know if you are blocked/unblocked/deleted?

 

I'm so curious because my situation is somewhat similar to yours. Things were good, and then he just disappeared for unknown reasons. I managed not to send anything harsh, just a couple of emails full of love and trying to figure out what had happened. No reply, so I had to give up. He hasn't got in touch for a few months now, and I've only seen him online twice on ICQ.

[S agapo]

It's strange, when a good woman gives a man a special gift; her love, and actually for the first time in life (ie.. me!) opens her heart cos she feels she can trust him to have that gift; he doesn't hold on to it.

[Apoc220]

Hey Gemini,

I've read through the thread and I commend you for having the patience to stay that long. Goodness knows that after a second or third week of that I would have been out the door. To tell you he needs space is one thing, but when you straight avoids you that is just mean. I hope you have gone and started taking care of yourself, because it was obvious that this guy didn't want what you wanted. Hope all is well with you!

[S agapo]

I wish I took things more calmly right from the start when he had cancelled on me and after we had our talk, maybe things would have been a lot better. But my upset and ‘paranoia’ took over cos not only was I upset but I found he did become quieter with me a week or so before which I couldn’t understand why. I wish I never sent that first text out of complete madness to which I tried to fix afterwards couple days before we last spoke ‘ quote.... Come Monday, I had lost my bottle and i EXPLODED ~(big mistake), and basically sent him a very harsh text. It sounded bad after I read it a million times, cos it sounded as if we were over. I told him he was a liar and stringing me along and that he had someone decent in his life and he lost it etc etc. and if he was interested and cared about me he wouldn't be doing this. I tried to explain to him, that I felt neglected and ignore by him recently and that we don’t talk anymore’….

 

I thought he would understand after we spoke. One minute we are telling each other there is a future together, then the next he goes all quiet. So when I did call him a liar on text, was b’cos what he said, I felt he took back his words and feelings. After that, everything seemed to be a mess and continued b’cos I couldn’t get him to pickup the phone and hear me out proper when I tried calling.

 

All I asked for was that we were both heading the same direction together and we did see in each other’s future, and both of us agreed that night. What is wrong in asking ur boyfriend ‘how things are’ now and again ‘are u / we ok’’ maybe my doubts at that time did show, but it was a LDR. I needed to know these things with honesty.

 

At the end of the day, I wanted a relationship that was progressing forwards. I didn’t ask him to marry me on the spot, just to take things a bit more serious.. to meet the family, to meet friends, especially after a year of us; (that Bank Holiday Monday would have been perfect opportunity as I was going to see him) so they can get to know me and vice versa. To see each other more regularly, not just on a one or two a month basis. I understood that he didn’t want to be rushed 100 miles an hour, but our last chat I thought he felt maybe he understood where I was coming from as well. I felt so confused.. we called each other ever single day, and when together, made effort and showed love as well as respect. And for that to suddenly to go wrong, was a shock.

 

I still love him, and I always think about him. Now, jealousy is starting to kick in to the thought of him being or meeting someone else. I still feel this connection with him as I had from day one when we had first contact and met.

 

Asking for space was unbelievable and I do not think it was right no matter what. As far as I feel, people should talk, not avoid. I have family members who have been married for over 30 to 60 years. That’s commitment, that’s love. Pure love.

 

I just didn’t want to give up on him b’cos what I feel for him, and for us. I truly wanted a relationship (deep down still do) cos I found someone in him for me, That feeling u get inside u.

 

I want to call him, I want to break the NC, but I have done that many times before and I got nothing, which led to more upset. I don’t know how he feels, I don’t know what he feels, I don’t know what he is thinking. Maybe these things don’t matter any more.

 

I know he made some contact himself some time ago, but to cut that short; I wanted to talk about what was happening to us.

 

I am saddened by this and this single behavior and what he asked for and how he has done things now. Didn’t think he would do that to me. He is everything I look for and want (apart from what has happened). And for the first time in my life for anybody, I felt that instant connection and gut feeling for him. We made effort for each other. If he got scared, I wish he had the decency to speak to me, cos my feelings counted.

 

So I feel I should have been less overacting from the start and I feel that he should have not asked for space. It was a testing time.

 

I have apologized more then I should have had. I know I said two or three things out of anger, but at least I apologized for that. I shouldn't be the one who is sorry alll the time; infact maybe not at all. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for 'space'

[irka]

Hey Gemini,

In almost the same situation, my choice is never to contact him again unless he contacts me first. I gave him all I could and a little more, and was always there for him. Only to find out that my best was not good enough. Okay then, he is free now to go look for something better. I still love and miss him, but I can't force him to stay with me against his will.

It's been more than 3 months since my last email (3rd after he started avoiding me). I was desperate and miserable at first, but now I am enjoying my life. What's the use of eating myself inside out? He wasn't perfect after all, and I've never hurt him. There's nothing I haven't done for him, so I really have nothing to feel guilty about.

Deep in my heart, I believe he regrets his decision and will come back sooner or later. I'm not waiting though. It may be too late when he finally does make a move.

I used to think that I would never love anyone else in my life, but recently started seeing someone new. I really like him and and I think I want it to work out.

[S agapo]

Right now, I am not going to try and call him. I have done that so many times. It hurt every time b'cos he never picked up my calls.

 

This chasing should of been from him. I am disappointed he hasn't fighted for me. I am sure he must of realized how much hurt I felt, and realized that I gave everything to try and sort things out between us. Maybe that was wrong from me, and I should of just disappeared soon when asked for space. I dunno. I just wanted answers, and at that time he couldn't give. And the more I pushed and got upset, the worse it became to the point last month i told him via text enough was enough, it was over, and he could have as much space as he wanted. (NOt that really meant it) I said some harsh things that weekend in June, which I apologized for. Only b'cos we had something planned together ages ago, and he provoked me on a comment he had made, knowing we weren’t going together and the plans were in ruins as well as our relationship. I dunno know if he meant what he said or not, but wrong choice of wordings!

 

It doesn’t matter what I say now. I could carry on wanting to apologize to him and telling him how heart broken I am; in hope he will call me, or get in contact and come back to me. I have already made myself look needy at the beginning. AT the end of the day, HE is the one who has to prove to me.

 

 

Maybe there was a different reason behind why he suddenly felt he needed space b'cos he felt suffocated and stressed; and that is why he kept his total NC. Just something thats bugging me in my mind and analyzing as well.

 

He is still in my heart, and I still want him back. The ball is in his court to make that move. IF, he truly wants a relationship with me. But I wish he would call me. I miss him so much. The longer he doesn't, the worse I feel cos it will mean he has forgotton about me and what we had, and could of had. That hurts so much. I am too scared to make that contact now first.

[irka]

Gem, I can totally relate to what you are going through. It's terribly difficult but you can cope, just stay strong for your own sake. Try not to overanalyze, just go on day by day. And don't contact him. You can't make him cherish you if you lick his feet. He'll come back one day if he realizes what he's lost, but meanwhile don't put your life on hold. Don't waste your time, have some fun instead.

I told you my situation is almost the same. Let's get some self respect and believe in ourselves. We deserve the best.

[S agapo]

Why does it feel so hard to let go what I feel on something I have no control nor have anymore in my life.

 

It feels like my emotions are rolled up in a ball deep in my stomach and it bloody hurts me.

 

Why is it I can’t stop thinking about him and I get all choked up for someone who doesn’t want me anymore? Big question is, does he think about me?!

 

Why is it I get flash backs of when we were together; and when that happens I feel sick in my stomach. I get that horrible feeling that I will never have that back with him. It’s been 4 months since he wanted his ‘space’ and the last time I saw him.

 

I have myself to blame too… I think, but not totally!?. Yeah….maybe I should not have been so demanding?! Was I? Was I so wrong to want to know if there was a real future between us and to want a bit more commitment?!

 

Maybe I should not have been upset and sensitive with him prior to him wanting his space. But I do ask myself, I was in the relationship too. One thing for sure is.. I SHOULD HAVE BACKED AWAY. I keep telling myself this. But now it is too late!

 

But I have all these questions one after another.. but What is the point of them all?!

 

I do realize that if he really wanted to be with me and wanted a future ‘space’ would not have crossed his mind and let alone take it. He would have of respected my feelings too.

 

There is a part of me that does not want to let go. Gosh… I really did fall for him.

 

I miss him.. does he miss me? Maybe not!

 

I feel he didn’t appreciate ‘us’, let a alone appreciate me and what I truly had to offer. I feel what was so wrong on my behalf that he did not want after we last spoke. I didn’t want to scare him away. Maybe that was the reason, or he just lost interest. I really do not know. But one thing I feel Right now, is that he doesn’t want to know me anymore.

 

I know a snapped at him, but could he not see how upset this all made me feel. I was in the relationship too.

 

Makes me sad this has happened. I really felt I found what I have always been looking for in mr right. That lovely feeling u get that is rare to find and feel for someone.

 

Just wanted to vent

[S agapo]

I've read others people post and given my best advise too, but I am exactly what they want to do and its putting me down b'cos I am scared of what might not happen.

 

For weeks I have this extreme urge to contact him, just to say hello, how are you? and I can't b'cos I don't want to get my hopes up again. Its been 6 months since the last time I spoke to him. I kinda felt he would of got in touch by now himself. How stupid of me.

I really want to, but its the possible rejection I would face again if I try, and I know i won;t handle it too well. My last attempt was mid August and I got nothing.

I am missing him so much and its hard as he is on my mind so strongly; always there.

I really don't know what to do.

I am thinking b'cos I have stopped trying, he has given no hope in himself to make contact?!

[oceansAway]

I've been in a similar situation in the past, but it wasn't LDR. Communication is a huge part of relationships. Right now his actions are saying he doesn't want to be with you. Try to accept this and move on. Even if he does call back, do you really want to be with someone who has treated you this way?

 

Do not contact him. Hang out with your friends. Take courses. Find new hobbies. Keep busy. If you focus so much on the past you will make it difficult for yourself to move forward.

 

I know it's tough. Hang in there!

[S agapo]

Well I finally grabbed the bull by its horns and I have some control.

 

I finally had enough of hurting so badly, and wishing for a man who let me go. Didn’t appreciate the true love I had given and had to offer with so much more for a real relationship. He didn’t wanna know – he proved himself his true intentions for me. He didn’t even want to try to work things out.

 

I had enough of blaming myself that he needed his space away from me b’cos I knew what I wanted and needed from us to make us more of an item and committed. I just wanted that much, a little bit more from him to make us feel like normal partners in a relationship that had a future. He made his excuses a left b’cos he got scared. He ignored me like I was rubbish, and I have allowed this to go on for 6 months. 6 months since the break up wasting my energy and causing more pain in my heart. My body aches, my heart aches, my head aches, and I have ran out of tissues...

 

I know it isn’t a big deal, and anyone following this thread would think ‘about time to!!!’, but I found the courage in me to finally delete him, to stop waiting & looking. I've deleted him on my phone, and deleted him on msn. And I am going to delete him out of my mind and my heart, and delete the hoping that he will come back. He has deleted me himself in everything else. I am Dead in his life.

 

I’ve had enough of his recent mind games showing himself Online these few days. And like a fool yesterday I said a simple hello on his messenger. I got nothing of course. I wasn’t expecting anything anyways, but I let him know I was still there.

 

I have thrown my self respect and pride out of the window with all this chasing and all the pledging and cr@p. I can’t do it anymore. It wasn’t me who gave up that easy.

 

I just hope this pain will go away for someone I fell in love with, and now wanna forget. I want to get me back. I am devastated. I feel I’ve got nowhere, and now after 6 months I have finally given up.

 

I need less rubbish to deal with in my life. I am still grieving for my Father death last September '06.

 

I Thought I had someone supportive and grown up, who could trust in himself that he found a decent person for a real meaningful relationship. His loss.

 

Doesn’t make me feel any better apart from slight relief that I have taken a step forward to finally realize that he is gone, and I should do the same that the relationship is finished. That he didn’t want to be serious with me.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Hi Gemini!

I followed a few of your threads b/c our last relationships had a few things in common.. I am very very very glad to hear you finally decided to take control back and focus on you and now truly do realise: HIS LOSS!!

 

Great job in taking active steps to throw him off that pedestal! Good luck in the whole "fully moving on process".. Keep it up!

[S agapo]

Hi Gemini!

I followed a few of your threads b/c our last relationships had a few things in common.. I am very very very glad to hear you finally decided to take control back and focus on you and now truly do realise: HIS LOSS!!

 

Great job in taking active steps to throw him off that pedestal! Good luck in the whole "fully moving on process".. Keep it up!

 

 

Thank u for ur support x

I am left without any other choice. I am gonna let go of that hope and surrender b'cos it hasn't got me anywhere in the last 6 months. He had someone good in his life and he let it go. One day he will realize that. Thats his problem now.

Thanks JeckyllNHyde,

[stickman]

Your heart deserves more.

 

Just think, your NEW love is out there somewhere... just waiting for you. Put a picture in your mind of that person that WOULD complete you.

 

....

 

 

Take it from me, it's easier to have a goal and put energy in to something fresh and new than to work so hard to fix up something that is broken.

 

Like throwing money down a rat hole. You'll look back some day and LAUGH hard about just how miserable your WERE.

[S agapo]

I know it sounds a bit of a cliché but I really felt connected with my ex, and that is a rare thing for me to find in a person. It took me 26 years to have found someone who in time I grew to love and naturally felt wanted more from the relationship. My ex was everything I look for. Yes he is good looking, very smart and in a nerdy sweet way which I liked a lot. Just thinking about that puts a sad happy smile right now.

Tho I never got to meet his family, I got to speak to some members and they seemed like lovely people whom I would of loved to have met. Even tho he never introduced me to his parents and family I believed he did come from a good home. He's a man who is proud and determined in his life and career, and a gentle character I felt total with. But, yes I did need more from him.

His sudden change in mind shocked me.

I have to keep telling myself never mind. It was never meant to be between him and I. we just wanted different things at a point in life. My stomach aches that we have lost the relationship, and that he wasn’t too serious about me. Never mind hey!

 

I miss him so much, and I do want him back.

And there is nothing I can do anymore. Nothing at all.

[S agapo]

I feel broken

[S agapo]

The chance of my ex coming back are very slim and it has been so long since we broke up. He is all I think about night and day and I know I am not helping myself thinking about him; us and what should have had been. I try to block out my memories of us and everything that I imagined with him, but it is so hard.

 

I feel so alone in my life now. I never felt so empty and worthless. I am still trying to understand what changed.

 

I am still angry at myself for reacting the way I did when he asked for space. AND I am very much angry with myself for swearing and cursing at him telling him to f -himself and wishing him bad wishes after a long period of him ignoring me like he did which was horrible.

 

I am wishing for someone who doesn’t know who I am anymore and that is really sad of me.

 

I feel I shamed and broke his pride b’cos I spoke to his family about our problem. I know I ruined every single chance when I opened up to them. I needed someone to listen to me and it was a chance that I decided to take when they rang me b’cos I needed to understand why he was acting that way towards me which was confusing and overwhelming upsetting.

 

I know we ended on bad terms, but is there anyone here on ENA who can sympathise that when I got angry verbally, it was understandable b’cos he ignored my voice and feelings for so long which I couldn’t take what was going on anymore. Did I stand up for myself that I won't be treated this way? or did I make things worse? (which I did anyways) Or am I making excuses?

 

I saw my life with him, and it was a wonderful feeling to have felt for someone for the first time. I was honest with him; I expressed my self to him. I feel I have been lied to.

 

I am sure he knew he had someone decent, honest and ‘untouched’, but it didn’t register in his heart and mind that he should of kept me, he should of tried harder. He should of wanted me; the relationship more stronger b’cos he found someone very good. It’s a shame.

 

I really want him back. To want me. But deep down I am sure he is not thinking about me at all as much as I think about him anyways. I really miss him, it hurts so much. I long to be in his arms.

 

He is never coming back is he?

[JeckyllNHyde]

Hey Gemini,

 

Well, I can sympathise with you getting angry verbally and letting it out, also with you going to the parents to talk it out. I wouldn't have involved them though since they can't really make decisions or him, he is a grown man. It came off as though you where "telling his mommy on him".

 

But what's done is done right? Just be happy you said what you had to say and got your anger out. It wasn't the best thing to do since you wanted him back but it's done. Don't regret anything you ever did or which felt right at the time. But next time just think it thru first or wait some time before you let it out. The downside to it though is that you may end up a bit like me lol, sometimes just bottling up true feelings or never having you ex know how much you felt.

 

I followed your story since I felt it was a bit similar to mine with my ex suddenly disappearing on me after. I was like what?? How could he? Why couldn't we have just stayed friends if he meant what he said about me being a great catch and him wanting me back yada-yada.

But once he did tell me it was over for now, he needed space, I just backed off fully, dealt with my grief and he knew nothing of what went on in my head. Still didn't bring him back! And I also wonder if maybe I should have done it your way and let him know how hurt I was. Cause maybe now he thinks "I took it pretty well" and so I probably never cared much.

 

Oh well..

 

As to whether he will ever come back... The tough thing is you guys had a LDR. I have never been in one, but he has family which lives close? Who knows what the future holds or if you guys bump into each other someday. I hate to say it but I doubt things will be rekindled. But I also know it's not set in stone, cause he himself doesn't know if he will ever contact you.

 

I think your still hung up on him since you haven't started dating perhaps? I am pretty sure (ok 100%) that if another guy, a nice one whome you have things in common with where to come along, and you guys where getting to know each other, etc, your ex would become the past.