is it over?

[S agapo]

I didn’t want to involve his family in to our business. Actually it was his cousin and his aunty and uncle who rang me. I never met anyone of his family or his friends. I had some communication with his aunty and cousin thru my work, so they had the number to call me. And it was a shock when they did because it was a month after things started to fall apart between my ex and I. I was hesitant to open up to them and I knew too well that my ex would of hated it very much soon as he was to find out, which he did.

 

I know we had a LDR relationship which was a 2 hour drive but the whole space situation was a surprise to me when I noticed a change in him b4 which I couldn’t keep ignoring the last 2-3 weeks before he asked for space.

 

My problem was I couldn’t just leave things the way they were without any explanation which to this day I haven’t got. I bombarded him with so many texts and emails asking him to give us a chance, but nothing. I was scared if I was to leave things then it would of meant I had to let go and leave it up to fate. I last sent him my last email a month ago saying sorry the way things worked out and that I wasn’t totally blaming him or I for the matter. I told I was sorry for the way I reacted etc etc… I know now he knows how I feel in all this and if he read my email then he will be aware that I will never make contact again. I have done more then enough and in a way feel I have let my pride go.

 

He knew I wanted a relationship and when we last spoke he told me the same, so understandably I was upset with him when he did a 180 turn and felt lied too. I know I am not the first nor the last for these kinda things happening, but it is such a horrible thing to go thru when u put ur trust in a person. And I think this is why I have waited 26 years to get into a first relationship and for the first time I was not scared to finally trust someone and to open up feelings I thought I would never do in my life. And now I have the fear of trusting myself to love someone, but not anybody like I felt and kinda still do for my ex.

 

I wish I handled things calmly, but it wasn’t fair what was happening to me even tho he wanted a bit of space, which I couldn’t understand why especially in a long distance relationship as he got to see me so little, even tho we spoke daily over the phone.

 

I thought I was handling things better, but these last few weeks have been hard b’cos I am realizing and convincing myself he isn’t going to come back and maybe he has someone else.

 

The memories I have in my mind are painful as I want them back with him.

 

I haven’t seen or dated anyone since the break up as I feel I am in no such mood, or no good to be thinking about meeting someone else. I hate to say that I am picky, but I need to be with someone who I can connect with like the way I felt for my ex and sure he felt for me b4 thins change. Its hard to find that especially in my culture.

 

We both live with our parents in our parts of the country

[JeckyllNHyde]

I also feel you let your pride go but sometimes when it comes to love, it usually always happens. If 2 people have pride, and no one lets go, then issues never get overcome/solved.

 

As with most break ups, we never get a proper explanation. There is always the chance that for instance, they where coward and made up some excuse? Or where afraid to give the real reason and bruise our ego? Or they just met someone else?

That's what I learnt recently. You just gotta take the explanation and choose for yourself whether you believe them or not. Then you gotta find the rest of the closure within yourself. I had posted a few threads when I realised I was my exes rebound etc, and someone gave me that advice on the closure. Didn't help right away but slowly I got it.

 

That sucks that he didn't respond to your apology email.

Ah, and also on that subject, I feel you have done enough on your part to show you were sorry. Now the ball is in his court if he ever wants to contact or rekindle anything. Anything which happens from here (contact etc) I feel you shoul just continue leaving upto him like you are doing now.

 

Yea, and I agree, it happens alot that people do 180 degree turns but when you find yourself in the situation it's baffeling how someone you put your trust in could do that. I just chalk it up to human nature though.

Just see it this way (I'm not trying to make it seem like your situation is just any other though): people change minds everyday. One day you like someone, then something happens and you change your mind. Life is all about changes, you have to just learn to role with the punches.

BUT, maybe this helps (it helped me): when he said those things about wanting a relationship, etc he did probably mean it. He didn't lie. Just maybe in the longrun something changed, and he was free to change his mind even though he was in a LDR with you. That's why break up, and people not getting 3rd dates happens so often. The other person just changes their mind and thinks: "I want out, I'm not into this anymore."

No matter how nice of a person he was, he still is human and has his flaws and is like any other person at the end of the day.

 

I'm picky too. This time was the first time I went so long without dating and looking to meet guys. I was so hurt, that I actually had more fun turning guys down for some reason then thinking: "hey! maybe this could be a nice guy to date". That was just simply out of the question. But like 3 months after being dumped, I got closer with a friend of mine, who I used to communicate with online mostly only. We met up, and I was still heartbroken over my ex. Not feeling it fully and afraid that if things became something, I would make this new guy my rebound.

 

But we just stayed friends for the next 2 months, and after going out with him a few times, I realised I was thinking less and less of my ex. And more and more of this guy. I am happy to say that now I finally stopped trying to look for the answers what went on in my exes head or if he still thinks of me. I know I am a good catch and I know one day he will realise (once again) he let a good catch go.

But really the whole "not questioning/searching for answers" helped me alot. Before I would always look for the answers on this forum, looking at other peoples situations and how they where similar. And it did help me understand how it was for my ex, and try and guess what was going on in his head. But eventually you just gotta give up on trying to get the answers, and hoping they come back. And you just gotta pick yourself up and be happy again for YOU.

[S agapo]

Just hurts he didn't even try to work things out or even get in contact with me after this time. When just once upon he would get worried if he didn't hear from me or if I didn't pick up his calls when I was unavailable, and now...nothing. Nothing at all. It breaks my heart that those feelings just vanished. I will never understand what went wrong, and how he has never since got in contact.

 

I never stopped caring. He has made it look so easy on his side. A year together, I saw a 'us'.

[shell80]

Aghh..Gemini, I recently went thru a very similar situation and my heart goes out to you, because I know how frustrated and hurt you must be feeling.

 

My ex was on the other side of the world, everythign was great - plans to be together etc, then he just stopped talking to me. He didn't understand that I'd be upset at not hearing from him for like ten days. He would say we'd talk when he got back from taking a cat to a vet blah blah blah then he'd just blow me off. I asked him if he was ok and needed space (for I dont know what reason) but he wouldnt even respond to that.

 

Needless to say I never did hear from him ever again. LD tends to give people an easy way out...they can literally disappear and be the cowards they really are.

 

I still dont know what happened with my ex...and am now just accepting that I never will. It will be an unsolved mystery. Had I had money I would have flown over there and knocked on his door for some answers and closure....

 

I know how hard it is...your mind will be racing and analysing everythign to bits...but please be easy on yourself. Try to put that energy into something else...

 

I promise in time it will get easier and you will be able to let go. My head and heart just got really tired of it all in the end....you will find the same too.

 

If you ever need to chat, PM me..

 

xo

[S agapo]

Because it was a short LDR and I got to see him so little I compared my relationship with others and felt that I needed more effort to see each other and needed him to be more willing espcially as we were approaching a year together. I was more then willing, and I needed reassurance that he felt the same and that HE RELLY WANTED this relationship to have a future and to work out. And when I did feel he was different the last couple of weeks b4 I overacted to something, I felt I had to put my foot down and ask what was going on. It disappointed me that he said he felt strong for me and wanted the relationship, only a few days later to ignore me, for me to get angry, and then for him to ask for space.

 

We all have our flaws and no one is perfect.

What he has done is horrible just avoiding me and not caring enough about us or me. I wasn’t expecting this from him. He is a good man outside all this, but I seriously thought he was different to the rest.

[beckham babe]

My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel it's the feeling of not knowing why they just suddenly shut you out.I have decided to do nc from today to try to heal, cos he never answered any txts.Try that to otherwise when he doesn't reply your gonna feel even worse.He could have second thoughts then and realise how special you were to him and contact you. Stay strong

[S agapo]

Thanks Hun

Its sucks b'cos I have been trying for so long and always felt worse afterwards. He knew I loved him and i feel he threw away someone special and real. Its hard to understand why and what changed.

Your in ur early stages of ur problems. I suggest to back off, and give it a few days of NC. Its hard when u need to know what the heck is happening and if there is a chance or not. Its horrible when the man u love just walks, and doesn't look back and u feel forgotton...lost, invisible in his life.

 

Every day i wish he would have second thoughts. But I am not holding my breath.

[beckham babe]

Think these so called men don't deserve such caring loving people as us. Why are we letting them screw us up like this. Why are they incapable of just being honest. R u going crazy wondering if there is another woman i know i am. Think you deserve so much more than this man someone who will love and respect you and not play with your feelings.Hope he does return one day hun but as the saying goes wot goes around comes around and oneday he may experience the same pain and heartbreak you are feeling right now

[S agapo]

Think these so called men don't deserve such caring loving people as us. Why are we letting them screw us up like this. Why are they incapable of just being honest. R u going crazy wondering if there is another woman i know i am. Think you deserve so much more than this man someone who will love and respect you and not play with your feelings.Hope he does return one day hun but as the saying goes wot goes around comes around and oneday he may experience the same pain and heartbreak you are feeling right now

 

The strongest relationships are those that don't give up so easy when a problem pops up. A strong relationship is how much each person puts into it, how serious one feels for there partner, not just having them at that moment, but having them and seeing them in their life in the long run.

I don't blame him 4 everything, but at that time I did and in the wrong way b'cos I panicked and maybe just over reacted; but at the end of the day, I felt him being different and I needed to know where I stood..

 

I am sad he didn't try to work things out with me, to communicate in a proper maner.

As far as me thinking/feeling he's being with someone else, there has been enough time since we broke up for him to have moved on and maybe found someone else. But I know that my heart was real for him, I loved him and wanted him.

 

I dream he would come back, but I don't think it will happen. Too much was said on my behalf and that was my own wrong doing when he just needed to figure things out. I dunno, at the same time I do not want to make excuses incase it was something more serious that he felt he didn't want me anymore. There are many reasons.

 

I think all the time why hasn't he come back? It rattles my brain and hurts my heart just the thought he maybe has someone else.

 

I miss him so much, and wanted so much for us. I do want him back

[katja771]

Hey, wow, it is not only me who is in this situation! I see that you are going through the same one. Ok, I will try to make a long story short. We live in different states. 2 months ago I went to see him and we talked about us. He said he loves me, but he is not sure where the future may lead us, as I still have 1 year and a half at University. Anyway, after I left, he called and we talked almost every day. He texted regularly. Then he just quited...After waiting for almost one week without any news from him, I just started worrying and of course tried to reach him. To be honest, I got crazy. After two days of texting and calling him I got this message: "I tild you I needed some time for myself. Your texting and calling make me to want even more space." I was so upset. I wrote back saying that it is ok with me. I was also sorry for calling and texting so many times, and said that he can have as much time as he needs.

You know, it is difficult... He did not say that it is over, but in the meantime i feel like it is over. i donot know your situation. why did he ask you to give him some space???

I am really upset now, missing him, but have promissed to myself not to call. I have to wait and see where it will lead us. If he loves, he will come back, if he does not... I can not do anything. You know, I am saying this, but it is so hard to understand and accept. I do not want to accept and understand this.

Take care and write back

[S agapo]

Hi there

The first few pages of this thread will explain more clear. Basically i noticed he was somewhat different and i ignored it a few times thinking it was just me being over paranoid and he was busy with work. This was a few days after i last saw him and we were fine then!

 

To cut the story short I needed to know where i stood with him. The last time we spoke, it was about ''us'' and we both felt the same for eachother and wantin the relationship. ( i neeed him to reassure me that the relationship was in his heart, to make more of an effort and he told me he would etc etc) After our very last talk, he ignored me again and i got mad, and had to digg for answers. Got no where, and i accused him for lying to me and stringing me along. He then asked for space b'cos he was feeling suffocated & stresses. And he took it... now its period. This went on for months and I haven't got anywhere, I really wanted to work things out, and needed him to do the same, but he wasn't or showed any interest

 

from then on, I knew it was over, but I held onto hope. If someone loves you, they don't space away from you or ask for space, especially when we had a 2 hour drive LDR!!

 

He came into my life for a reason, and walked right out without....

 

To be honest, I am to blame as well for the way I acted b'cos I got upset, not keeping my cool and for not leaving him alone. The more I tried to get his attention the more I lost my temper saying a few things I wish i didn't and the more I looked needy that naturally pushed him away. Don't want to make excuses (incase i am wrong, and it was for other reasons he didn't want to tell and work thungs out) but ...

 

I dunno what really went wrong and why, but it has left me feeling worthless.

 

I didn't expect this from him. Outside all this cr@p thats happened he is a good man. That ways i fell in love with him and he didn't take a good look how much.

 

Maybe he didn't know what he wanted, maybe something was troubling him, family/parents putting pressure ... I really don't know

 

Never mind hey?!

 

I know my heart aches for him so bad.

 

I have stopped making contact and throwing myself into the fire b'cos I can't take being ignored by him. He has chosen to be without me.

 

Didn't think it would be this hard to get over someone. Its really hit me hard.

 

Funny way how people change. One minute they care, they take notice, then the next.... ur woooossshhh... u mean nothing

[JeckyllNHyde]

Didn't think it would be this hard to get over someone. Its really hit me hard.

 

Funny way how people change. One minute they care, they take notice, then the next.... ur woooossshhh... u mean nothing

 

If I'm not mistaken this was your first break up right?

Well, I can remember going thru this 2 years ago unable to comprenend WTH had happened and HOW he could just walk away?! ANd just asking myself the same question over and over.

It took me time to get over it. He got a new gf 3 days later actually. That stung worse, and he flaunted her.

 

I don't think I ever really forgot my first heartache, but only b/c it's the first time I experienced something like that and a break up. And the actual physical pain in my heart. Like they call it "a broken heart".

 

Right now it all seems to strange how anyone can change, but (I don't know if this helps) over time it gets quite easy to understand after you go thru another break up, it will hurt but not as bad as the first one I feel. (Or maybe b/c I never had another relationship where I was so much into the person again since then).

The first time it's always so baffeling and hard to grasp. Later on it's like ok, I made it thru the first time, I can do it again.