Continued Dating and Relationship Equilibrium

[Unmotivated]

Hey everybody. I'm currently in my first relationship and, to be honest, I don't know how things should be going between two people dating, so I was hoping to get some guidance.

 

I'll ask my basic questions first and describe our relationship in some detail after for anybody who is interested.

 

We've been on a few dates. We're going to be spending most of the summer in the same town. How often should I ask her to hang out with me and how often is it okay to call her? She likes to chat, but she also likes to be left alone sometimes. How often should I ask her on an actual date? What would be an date appropriate at this stage in our relationship?

 

We've been hanging out for about three or four weeks now, but most of that time was spent in class together. There have been a few dates--movie, play, dinner, watched a movie at her place. We kissed once, after the dinner date, but it wasn't much of a kiss We cuddled a bit when we were watching the movie at her apartment but we didn't kiss.

 

She's not going to have many, if any, friends in town this summer, but she seems to be very adept at keeping herself entertained. She likes solitute, I think. In fact, she once mentioned that she lives alone so that she can get away from everybody at the end of the day. Last time I asked to hang out with her she declined and said she just wanted to relax.

 

She doesn't tend to initiate things between us. She always seems to wait for me to make the moves. She's never called me, though every time I call her she seems to enjoy talking to me.

 

I feel like I should slow down a bit and just hang out with her once in a while, even though this will be hard for me because I'm really into her. She's showed me that she needs some space once in a while, maybe if I give her more space than she needs, she will take the initiative and plan something for us to do.

[ghost69]

i would continue to date other women. it doesn't sound like you are exclusive with her. she doesn't seem to be showing much interest. who knows what summer will bring; but 4 weeks and only barely kissing. not a good sign.

[chai714]

You have some very good questions.

 

Let's address some of them:

 

How often should I ask her to hang out with me and how often is it okay to call her? She likes to chat, but she also likes to be left alone sometimes. How often should I ask her on an actual date? What would be an date appropriate at this stage in our relationship?

 

It really depends on you guys' life schedule. But you're not really in a relationship with her yet although you're building relations. If she's the only woman you're dating then I might hang with her once a week or once every week and a half. In time, granted you both enjoy spending time with each other, you'll naturally want to hang out more often and will. This is generally how relationships begin.

 

When you're dating the person over and over, you need to change up your dates. Initially, you will likely go to dinner with her, and (God forbid) take her to see a movie. Once you're past the "typical dating" stage, you will want to shake the ground up and change your dates with her. Perhaps a lunch date, then maybe an activity date on a Saturday or Sunday such as (insert common activity you both enjoy, or that she enjoys).

 

Before thinking about all this though, make sure you bust a move. Kiss her and kiss her good. If she's cuddling with you, she wants to kiss you so don't fear rejection.

 

Good luck and have fun.

[daveygravey]

I'd be concerned that she is only interested in friendship. Like ghost said, it's not a good sign that after a month you've not even properly kissed. Make a move on her after your next date; you need to know how things stand.

[Unmotivated]

I should probably clarify, our first date was two and a half weeks ago, we had been hanging out together in class as friends for a few weeks before that.

 

I can't say for sure but I think she is fairly new at dating too. I know she had a boyfriend before me, but she is usually kind of nervous when it comes to intimacy, and I know I'm very slow to make a the appropriate moves.

 

After we watched the movie at her apartment we were sitting there and I know she wanted to kiss and I wanted to kiss but I didn't do it, and now I'm kicking myself, but I do feel like she's pretty interested still and I have to be honest, it really wouldn't feel right to go dating someone else.

 

I'm not going to be back in town for another five days, but when I get back I want to set something up that would give us another moment like that, so we can do it right this time. But I'm having a hard time thinking of something that would work.

[ghost69]

what advice are you asking then? you knew what you had to do right here. next time go through with it. the worst that could happen, she will kiss you back.

 

plus, you said your only date was like a week and a half ago. you need to move faster than that man.