Dinner date, any tips?

[Unmotivated]

I'm going to dinner with a girl this weekend sometime. We've know each other more or less on the level of friends for a few weeks now, so we've already kind of gotten to know each other.

 

I really don't want to suffer the dreaded akward silence if neither of us can think of anything to say.

 

I've heard from a lot of people that it's good to ask open ended questions, try to get her to talk about herself. I've been trying to come up with some things to ask her, but it seems like a dinner is a pretty long time to hold up a conversation.

 

Anybody have any tips on how to keep it going smoothly? Things to try? Things to avoid?

 

Thanks!

[friscodj]

Hey Unmotivated-

 

Open ended questions are good. Also, as she opens up, don't be afraid to open up yourself. A balance is good in that regard I think.

 

Also, focus on what you guys have in common, your basis of friendship. Talk about what you know, what you have together already, and then do some exploring from there.

 

At any rate, a little silence might not be so bad. Too much talking or forced talking might be worse. Feel it out, trust yourself, let it flow!

[Beec]

My favorite lines of questioning are to ask people about their childhood, the good things, what they liked to do, their favorite toys, games, past times, etc. and to ask them about their ambitions in a number of years, five, ten, etc.

 

The good childhood memories will help her feel good and tell you what she cares about in her past.

 

The visions of the future tell you about where she sees herself in a relationship. You need to know she has a similar vision as you do for her role, and vice versa.

 

If you know some of her interests, then you can also learn a bit about them and be prepared to ask her good, intelligent questions, and talking about them will make her feel good.

[PocoDiablo]

My rules for a date:

 

1. Never be serious. This means joking and flirting and basically having a good time. However, this also assumes some level of conversational chemistry. If your date doesn't have a sense of humor, then ... she's a loser, dine and ditch her.

 

2. Avoid the following topics:

 

Cars - this includes what kind of car YOU drive if asked. (Play coy - "A rent a wreck, why?")

Computers & the Internet

SEX. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. No innuendos, no suggestions of sex, no discussion of genitals! This is the #1 way to turn a woman OFF.

Professional sports.

TV shows.

Anything you bought.

Your fancy watch, or anything that would come accross boastful.

Your salary or finances.

Drugs

Ex GF's or BF's (yours or hers)

Other women (this means no staring or talking about them.)

Politics

The price of gasoline

The weather (BTW, if you're talking about the weather, you've failed completely.)

Murder

Death

War

President Bush

Religious debates

Guns

Your dysfunctional family

Your dysfunctional childhood

Your boring job (now, if you have a job you TRULY love, that's cool.)

How depressed, sad, or lonely you are, and how you have no friends and no plans this Friday.

 

Basically, avoid anything sad, depressing, or disturbing on any level. Keep things light and fun.

 

Also, look her in the eyes.

 

Do not comment on her body, but rather give her one compliment that describes the EFFORT she took in getting ready for you, such as "Wow, you look very nice tonight." That's it. Just once. She'll get the clue.

 

Sit up straight. Listen to what she says! For real!

 

For me, I like to poke fun at people. Okay, antagonize is the better word. Basically, I don't believe what you say.

 

Example:

 

Last week, I was sitting at a bar waiting on a friend. Some woman came and sat down next to me (a signal of interest, BTW, guys) and so I said hi. Over the course of the next few minutes, the bartender came over and also started talking to me (her job, don't get excited here.) Apparently they both knew each other, and the girl said to me "We're sisters, can you tell?" I looked at them both for a few seconds and said "Does that line work on any guys, ever?" They both laughed, and admitted that they were in fact NOT sisters and in fact I was the only guy who blew through it. At that point I said "Well, now that I know you're just going to lie to me, how can I trust anything you say to me?" In the end, I told them to put their money where their mouth was - I got a free drink out of the girl at the bar.

 

What did I do? In essense I followed a philosophy I read online: Treat a woman like your bratty little nine year old sister.

 

This means you treat her with care, and with respect, but you have a GREAT time and yet don't let her pull the wool over your eyes. Just like you would with a younger sister. Poking fun, teasing, having a good time, but when she says she wants to take the keys to the car you look at her like she's NUTS and tell her "Not a chance!"

 

All in all, lemme ask you this: If you were hanging out with a GUY friend, would it be a big deal? No, probably not. Treat her like a guy friend you have not seen in ten years. Catch up with things! Find out about what he's been doing. Don't hit on him. Don't touch him. Don't ask him if he wants to get laid.

 

Get it? Now, to some extent, you do need to treat her like a woman by being a gentleman, but don't stress. She's just as nervous as you are.

 

Heck, you could even say things like "I planned this awkward pause. Please don't interrupt it, I've got another 27 seconds that I paid for."

 

Think. Think some more. Then talk.

[daveygravey]

On a date I basically talk to the girl as I would any friend, but more polite! I don't talk about sex, don't swear, and don't talk about bloke things like football or Steven Seagal films.

 

Relax, be random, and let it flow. Let topics lead onto new ones; don't rush out a bunch of ten open questions all in one go and overwhelm her.

[BONO]

Ha ha ha ha !

 

Gold

 

BONO