Jetta Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Okay divorcees. Where their signs that your marriage wouldn't work out in the proposal? I know with my 1st husband I didn't want to break up with him just yet, he was rushing along. I wasn't ready for marriage (later found out it was because of citizenship status). But I said yes because I figured I could break it off later and I really wanted him to sneak me and my friends into the club that night. He was good about doing that and I knew if I said no he wouldn't have, which I asked him about as we were dancing. I was 19. My parents saw the ring and disowned me because I told them they couldn't tell me what to do. Unhappily married for 2 years. legally 3 years (had to be 3 for citizenship status). He drug out the divorce. Proposal #2: Again I wasn't ready, I said ask again later, he waited all of 5 minutes (no ring this time went out and got it together). I said "I guess" instead of yes. We had been living together for 2 years and our relationship was a comfortable one. I consider him my rebound guy. met him 10 months after I left 1st husband. We were married nearly 5 years and together for 8 years. So for those who divorced. What were your proposals like? Did you have signs it wouldn't last? Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Proposal was quite romantic, I guess. He did it on bended knee in front of all of our friends, on-lookers and restaurant wait staff. Seemed choreagraphered (sp?) and rehearsed. I think I said... "I guess I'd better say yes....." and yes, I was expecting a ring and engagement. Was I ready? No. We were engaged for a full year prior to wedding and about 2 months before the wedding I started to back up. He wouldn't let me. Said it was wedding jitters. I was contemplating what marriage was all about.... the commitment... and if this was truly something I wanted to do at this time. Was it the right thing to do for the right reasons???? Everyone convinced me to go to my MD... I wasn't sleeping or eating... and even the doc called it "classic" wedding jitters and prescribed Vallium. The day I was married I hadn't slept in 3 days. I'd taken 3 hits of vallium prior to the ceremony to "BONE" up.... and I was married in what one would call a "comotose" state... going along for the ride. THERE"S YOUR SIGN. There were plenty of red flags prior... I just ignored them. Thinking I can fix him... fix me.... fix us. Learning??? You can only fix you. Would I get married again? Hell no. lol. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 yikes....this all scares me a bit. So wedding jitters aren't normal? I am supposed to be hitched in three months.....I want to be sure myself. :S Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 There are two Certainties in this life... death and taxes. You collect the data... analyze it... and make your decisions based on the knowledge and life experiences you have at that moment. Then you roll the dice and see how it goes. Link to comment
Jetta Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 OMG. And no wedding jitters aren't normal. That's really the sign from God probably. My 1st did the whole deal. Rented a limo, proposed in front of everyone. I was thinking no but said yes and then ran to the bathroom with my friends asking them how to change it to a no. Wish I would have listened, my son does to. Too many lifes affected by my weakness. Link to comment
Aurian Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 We were on the couch. He was talking about the future. He said, "Would you marry me?" Me "If you asked me, I would say yes." Him "I AM asking you!" I didn`t have any doubts about marrying him. I loved him very much and he was still on his good behavior then. I knew him for 2 years at that point. It was afterwards the abuse started. So, lack of wedding day jitters aren`t a sign either. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I hate those public displays of proposals. It reeks of over confidence and coercion. Jetta, I'm sad for you (if I wasn't feeling so bitter myself then I'd offer some kind of encouragement) Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I hate those public displays of proposals. It reeks of over confidence and coercion. Jetta, I'm sad for you (if I wasn't feeling so bitter myself then I'd offer some kind of encouragement) EXACTLY!!!!! Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 EXACTLY!!!!! I hate those public displays of proposals. It reeks of over confidence and coercion. Jetta, I'm sad for you (if I wasn't feeling so bitter myself then I'd offer some kind of encouragement) I agree to a certain extent... but then again.. don't most woman (i'm not saying all woman) want the big proposal? I dont even want an engagement ring next time..i just wanna marry someone who is going to treat me good. 2 REALLY big clues my ex and i wouldn't work out when he proposed: 1) he was at a bar drinking prior to proposing (without me) 2) my first thought was, "well...say yes.. you can always break the engagement later". Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 don't most woman (i'm not saying all woman) want the big proposal? Ahhh, what women want - a topic for another thread!! I've seen those wedding prosals at football games etc on the jumbo-tron. I always thought they were super cheesy and likely inspired by hollywood Link to comment
Jetta Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 Thanks Clementine. To see someone actually deep down happy tells me you were meant to go through those experiences. I believe our souls agree to certain things pre-birth and your bad experiences was pre-planned. But I still say if your gut says run, do it regardless of who gets hurt pre-marriage. It only gets worse if you run later. Link to comment
Scout Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Ahhh, what women want - a topic for another thread!! Bite your tongue, CO! Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I wonder if a lot of people have doubts when they are proposing or being proposed to? I know a lady who is married for about 20 years (with children). She never felt a spark for her husband and she said yes because she was tired of dating and having bad relationships. The guy she married was a 'good' guy. She liked him and thought it was time to get married because of her age and everyone else around her was getting married..... That startled me that people propose or get married because they feel they 'have' too... Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 ^^^ yes, there are worse things than being alone Link to comment
Jetta Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 That startled me that people propose or get married because they feel they 'have' too... Yes. I did with my 2nd. Felt it was time for us to marry, but then when you marry it's time for kids. And you either follow your own plan or the plan of others. And to breaking the proposal, I found out twice you never do it (unless your really brazon). I wanted to walk on the wedding day. I then thought I'll just get divorced. I really want to hear more proposals, gets me thinking. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 We sort of decided together.....but I know that there is no for sure in anything...and I have to take chances and trust. One of the sayings he likes is this quote: “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt; sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”- Mark Twain The hardest part for me was to "Love like you've never been hurt."...because at my age, I tend to be very suspicious of something being too good to be true....but heck..I do not want to pass up the possibility that he could be the person I could have a content sort of existence with. But you never know.... Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Yes. I did with my 2nd. Felt it was time for us to marry, but then when you marry it's time for kids. And you either follow your own plan or the plan of others. And to breaking the proposal, I found out twice you never do it (unless your really brazon). I wanted to walk on the wedding day. I then thought I'll just get divorced. I really want to hear more proposals, gets me thinking. I broke mine..i never went through with it..had the date set, the wedding dress, hall booked and church booked. Also had an engagement party with gifts and all. I called every single person and apologized... and every single one said "you did the right thing". I was dubbed the runaway bride for a while..but id rather be the runaway bride then..."the poor girl who married a cheating drunk... look at her ...doesn't she look sad and pathetic". Link to comment
chickidee23 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 yikes....this all scares me a bit. So wedding jitters aren't normal? I am supposed to be hitched in three months.....I want to be sure myself. :S I think it depends on what kind of jitters you are talking about. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 We sort of decided together.....but I know that there is no for sure in anything...and I have to take chances and trust. One of the sayings he likes is this quote: “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt; sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”- Mark Twain The hardest part for me was to "Love like you've never been hurt."...because at my age, I tend to be very suspicious of something being too good to be true....but heck..I do not want to pass up the possibility that he could be the person I could have a content sort of existence with. But you never know.... I can understand you being a little worried... we are fairly close in age (you posted your age a few days ago) I think if i met the most WONDERFUL man ... and we were getting married i would be scared beyond words ... i wouldn't read too much into your fears. not to change the subject..but i was with a group of friends this weekend and we were talking about the stuff you'll do when you are younger that you wont' do now because you know the consequences...that we aren't quite as fearless as we once were. I think that would apply with love and emotions as well.... we've experienced things, watched our friends and family experience things that have really set them back..we realize that what we decide today can ultimately affect what happens tomorrow. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I broke mine..i never went through with it..had the date set, the wedding dress, hall booked and church booked. Also had an engagement party with gifts and all. I called every single person and apologized... and every single one said "you did the right thing". I was dubbed the runaway bride for a while..but id rather be the runaway bride then..."the poor girl who married a cheating drunk... look at her ...doesn't she look sad and pathetic". What you did required a lot of strength. You did the right thing. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 thank you Hoss... i appreciate that. =) Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I broke mine..i never went through with it..had the date set, the wedding dress, hall booked and church booked. Also had an engagement party with gifts and all. I called every single person and apologized... and every single one said "you did the right thing". I was dubbed the runaway bride for a while..but id rather be the runaway bride then..."the poor girl who married a cheating drunk... look at her ...doesn't she look sad and pathetic". Yes, that took tremendous courage to jump off a train heading for a wreck. After one divorce...never again. My fiance' said if we need to go to counseling first he will go. He is very into talking everything out. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Yes, that took tremendous courage to jump off a train heading for a wreck. After one divorce...never again. My fiance' said if we need to go to counseling first he will go. He is very into talking everything out. IMO ..thats a VERY good sign. I would say unless you have some real concerns (cheater, abuser, emotionally unavailable..etc)... then i wouldn't worry ... i don't think anyone is perfect... (god knows i'm not) ...i'm sure he does little things you wish he wouldn't ..but just from what you have said and how you post i get the sense you have a good head on you shoulders and you are most likely going to have a better then content life together. Link to comment
Jetta Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 HealingHands - Wish I were as strong as you. Really I do. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 HealingHands - Wish I were as strong as you. Really I do. i really wouldn't say that i was strong.. i was more like the people you see running from Godzilla in the Japanese movies. Link to comment
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