Is there a "Magic Moment?"

[fnlyfrei]

When does a person usually realize...understand.."get it"...that the person they are with is not for them...after a month? Six months? A year? At what point does one usually come to the realization that it's not a match? Just wondering if there is some sort of magical time, developmentally in a relationship where you either smile and say YES!!! This is the ONE...or quietly (or not so quietly) realize they were mistaken in their choice?

 

Or is this whole question I am posing really stupid because everyone is so different and it varies widely?

[HopelesslyLovely]

I'm pretty sure this is one of those unanswerable questions, simply because one cannot make such generalizations. Maybe for some there is a "magic moment," and they realize that the person is not for them, but does that mean there's also a moment in which one realizes that this is your soulmate, or at least "a match" for those who do not believe there's a single match, as I do.

 

Then again, many couples divorce after many years of being together. Could this be due to a late moment, or is the realization a gradual thing?

[laboheme]

I think it really does vary widely.

 

Some people may set a time limit for themselves...if after n dates they aren't feeling the chemistry, they'll walk.

 

Some people will try very hard to convince themselves that they are in love...but after a while they'll come to a breaking point where they can't pretend anymore and the truth comes out. How long that takes depends on the person.

 

For others, the moment may come when they discover something about the other person that is a dealbreaker. That something can be discovered very soon...or it could take years.

 

So many choices...

[annie24]

I think a lot of relationships break up around the 3-4 month mark. it's when you really get to know the person you are with, and decide if you want to stay or not.

[Kalika]

I was dating this guy and broke up with him after just 4 months, but I knew on the first date that he wasn't right for me.

[JEAB]

I married a guy I knew wasn't right for me. Sure you know.

But sometimes the goods outweigh the bads- and you take a leap.

[mintblossom]

when i was younger, i was dumb. i would stay and stay...drag my feet, try to work things out, put hella effort.......i was so sincere. so honest. and so 110% about everything.

 

these days, i'll cut out earlier rather than later. there's a lot of stuff i wont put up with or deal with anymore. i dont need it and im not going to take it. and if there's stuff he's doing that i dont like, then i will have to boot him out the door.

 

i hardly ever end things or break off friendships or close doors on people. i usually give people consideration, benefit of the doubt..i try to be kind. so when i do say it's over or when i tell someone i dont want anything to do with them...it's very final and there's usually a good reason.

[annie24]

I was dating this guy and broke up with him after just 4 months, but I knew on the first date that he wasn't right for me.

 

I can definitely understand that. It's like you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, even though your gut says, "no, they're not the one," your head says, "well, let's give him a chance." But after 4 months, you've figured out for sure, with facts that he isn't he one.