Feeling really confused...need advice !

[cordelia]

So there's this guy I've been friends with for years, let's call him Dave.

 

We had a "fling" that went on for over a year. We would go out for drinks or dinner sometimes, and then spend the night together after. Meanwhile, we never said that we were officially dating or going out. He paid for stuff and would take me out, its not like he would call me in the middle of the night just to hook up, but the whole thing was pretty casual from the start. Then he moved away and ended up with someone else ! Things pretty much ended when he moved anyways, and I stopped talking to him because I was so hurt.

I met someone else too and we broke up a couple of months ago. Now Dave is single again too, but still living with this ex. He swears that they are done and there is no turning back.

We've been talking and hanging out more lately, and then last weekend we hooked up for the first time in a really long time. Thing is, the next morning he left without giving me a kiss good bye. Said he would call me "later on this week" to watch movies, but didn't call. We've just been emailing everyday since then. I asked what he was doing tonite and he said going out with friends. He asked if I wanted him to call me later on. But I got really sensitive about that because I felt like he might just call late this evening, just to hook up. I asked about our "movie date" and he said sure, how about sometime next week !!

 

My question is, shoudl I just assume here that he still only sees me as casual material ? I mean I would think that if he wanted to spend time with me, he would MAKE the time. And instead, he didn't even really bother this week other than just talking to me by email.

 

I'm feeling really uneasy about this...should I just forget about him now ??

[ghost69]

sounds like you are being played. this needs to stop for your sake. if i was his friend i'd tell him to keep doing it. sorry to say, but i used to do it all the time. still do occasionally. it's not cool. i know. but don't be a sucker. wait until you go for a real date. the whole maybe next week thing. mm mm, don't do it. not tonight for sure. don't let him over late. he wants what he can get. don't give it to him and see what happens. you shouldn't get involved in this just because the fact he still lives with the ex. this should be a no no to you.

[chickidee23]

I completely agree with ghost..

 

If he is still living with his ex, it's probably not as "over" as he claims it to be. And you are absolutely right- if he wanted to spend time with you, he would make time. He obviously has free time, he's just choosing not to spend it with you.

 

Don't let yourself get hurt more than you already are. He's playing you. If he isn't and you stop talking to him, maybe it will be an eye opener for him but don't count on it!

[ghost69]

what if he invited you over? you would go hang with him and his ex? weird.

[chickidee23]

what if he invited you over? you would go hang with him and his ex? weird.

 

Lol good point...

[finewhine]

I agree with the above posters. Just cut this loser and find someone without all the baggage. Who the heck wants to date someone who lives with their ex? EEEEEEEW!

 

And what does it say about his character if he's trying to date other people when he still lives with his ex? DOUBLE eeeeeew!

 

He sounds like a mixed-up guy at best, a total pig at worst.

[ghost69]

drama makes drama. he is in a dramatic situation right now. drama is a great word. so jumping into something like this is not good for self esteem right off the bat. it already creates all of these questions that you need to answer. and for what? some guy coming over, hooking up and just leaving? not good.

 

would you jump into a piranha tank because somebody told you that they won't bite because you don't have any open wounds? heck no you wouldn't. know why? there is potential to be an issue with those piranhas.

[annie24]

I agree with the above posters. I'd bet $10 that things aren't "so over" with him and his exgf/roommate. It sounds like this relationship is purely casual, and if you want a REAL relationship, then do something about it. But yea, I do think he is playing you. But you are going along with it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If someone is still living with an 'ex', you have to assume maybe they haven't really broken up at all, and he could be lying to you about his availability.

 

maybe he had a fight with her and came over to pick up some sex, then back to her again. you are in a no win situation because he can always claim he's 'working' on moving out, or if you push for more than he wants, he'll just claim that he got back together with her, when maybe he never left her, and is just cheating with you (though you don't know it)...

 

if he is seriously broken up, then he will have concrete plans to move out, and you can tell him to call you WHEN he has his own place. otherwise he may just be lying to you (and his girlfriend) and using you.

[cordelia]

Thanks for the advice everyone. They have been broken up since January and they have a house. He says that they are living under the same roof and that he has not seen her in a month because she is never there. If they need to communicate, its by email only and its very limited. He said she lives upstairs and he has the downstairs. It sounded like he was being pretty honest about that. And he is also suspicous that she is seeing someone else !

[cordelia]

But yeah I guess temptation gave in, I should have just been smarter about hooking up with someone that I have always had feelings for, who is still living with his ex.

It just feels like crap right now, that we were hanging out for the past few weeks and then finally slept together last weekend, and now he is being so aloof and not really caring about when he will see me next.

Keep in mind this guy has also been my friend for about 9 years now.

[ghost69]

he got what he wanted it seems and now is less interested in anything else from you. i'm sorry he is acting this way. you should stay away from him though.