She's overly attractive..being out?

[smiles21]

So I have been seeing this girl for about three weeks now, we get along well, and she recently got out of a long distance/term relationship. She is cousins with one of my close girl friends. Anyways, I'm not ugly, or insecure for that matter, although this topic may reak otherwise. But she is very attractive.. and I have noticed when we go to the bar or club together, guys actually say "You are the most beautiful girl i have seen" "You are so gorgeous". And thats all fine and dandy, and i'm actually kind of flattered because she is with me.

 

She gets approached constantly, etc.. How should I handle this? I used to be a jelous person, but I let a lot of that go in my younger years.. Should I just ignore it? She is respectfull, she usually just says thanks or something, but she is also friendly. So I just ignore it usually and carry on. I just dont want to have to get in a fight over this, and im sure it has happened to her before.

 

This is the first girl since my ex of 4 years split, that I actually like quite a bit.

[scarew]

I think you have the right attitude. Rather than being jealous, just think of how many guys are jealous that you have such a great girl.

 

Remember to compliment her ALL THE TIME. Even if you guys get married and are together forever (haha not scaring you here sorry), remember that she gets told every day by some stranger that she is beautiful. Its important to hear it from her significant other too.

 

I don't want to judge or make you paranoid, but beware of spoiled girl syndrom. Not necessarily by family, but by society. Attractive women often had never had to work to get a man and it can make them take you for granted. Obviously this is extremely sterotypical but just keep it in the back of your mind

[smiles21]

I think you have the right attitude. Rather than being jealous, just think of how many guys are jealous that you have such a great girl.

 

Remember to compliment her ALL THE TIME. Even if you guys get married and are together forever (haha not scaring you here sorry), remember that she gets told every day by some stranger that she is beautiful. Its important to hear it from her significant other too.

 

I don't want to judge or make you paranoid, but beware of spoiled girl syndrom. Not necessarily by family, but by society. Attractive women often had never had to work to get a man and it can make them take you for granted. Obviously this is extremely sterotypical but just keep it in the back of your mind

 

Scarew, thanks for the advice hun. She would have no issues finding a guy lol. Also, she has been in a couple abusive relationships, like physically. She is used to dating jerks, and guys that treat her like garbage. So I come along, and she thinks its good to date someone new, as im nice, and she isn't used to having that. I fear it might blow up in my face, as she likes to date guys that treat her like crap. So I'm sorta at a rock and a hard place..If you know what i mean.

[Boughs]

whew tough man. The hardest part is, how you handle it when guys come up to her and say that?

 

Option A: You put your arm around her. (Somewhat protective, but discrete enough. Seems like a good choice, but could be viewed as too protective)

 

Option B: Back away and let her talk to him. (Not protective at all, can be viewed as unnattractive/disinterest)

 

Option C: Tell the guy "hey man this is my girl" (overly Protective to some extent, but some girls like that)

 

I tend to go with A. Just put your hand on her back and say "I'm going to get a drink, what do you want?" Now its in her playing field, does she want to stay and talk to the guy, or does she want to come with you to avoid guy?

 

So anyways, I'm sure you know this... but I can understand the jealousy part. But here is what I think. If you give like a small "Hey that makes me a little jealous" it can be a nice indicator to her (also flattering to her). BUT you must first do it at an appropriate time and place... and be gentle. Don't say it more than that one time. If you do she will start to reconsider HERSELF thus making her become someone else... which will box her up inside. From your side, you should not worry... if that is what is in her head/mind then, she isn't meant for you. Pushing people to become someone to comfort you tends to be a bad choice. This will lead them to boxing up. You need to understand that if she responds to these other guys, then that is an indicator of her PERSONALITY TOWARDS EVERYTHING. If she chooses to not do so, it means she is a different person. So by saying this, even if you get her to stop doing things that make you jealous, she will still have a mindset like such... meaning she won't change everything. You need to consider whether or not you'd like a girl that is willing to do something like that when you are not around. If she does a "thanks" and walks away, i find that to be ideal for me...

 

All in all, don't be jealous... judge her personality and find whether or not its worth going for. Looks can be decieving... and can decieve you. Its hard to choose, but thats what dating is for right?

[Boughs]

Sorry for being wordy. 16 hours in the past 4 days is hurting.

[heloladies21]

I know you don;t want to fight with her about it, but you have to show some jealousy in certain situations. If you take too much of the passive route, she's gonna think you don't really care about her and/or don't have full self confidence (even if you do in fact have it).

 

It depends how she's reacting to it. There are a lot of nonverbal reactions which you just have to see to judge, but if you're not doing anything, then you're not doing enough

[smiles21]

Sorry for being wordy. 16 hours in the past 4 days is hurting.

 

 

no problem, its helpfull.

 

Heloladies: Yea, I agree I'm just not sure what to do.. I've been ignoring it as of lately, and im sure it looks like i dont care, but that might not be the right approach...

[heloladies21]

Search some of my posts from the last few months and you will see examples of how to show your true feelings in the right way. You don't want to go off the meter because she will just think you're immature, but you don't want to borderline indiffrently say "You know what dear, if it wouldn't be too much trouble for you that you could stop acting that way, but if it would be too much trouble for you to change, then don't even worry about it" You gotta go halfway in between. There's the middle ground where you stand up for yourself with a confident voice tone, good eye contact, good posture, and don't back down.

 

If guys came up to my gf and hit on her, I give her a chance to explain that she is in a relationship and that I'm her bf. But if she doesn't react right, I will address her pretty harsh for not respecting the relationship and not being serious enough about me. One time before my current gf becamse my gf, she danced with this one guy for like 2 seconds after brushing him off a few times that night. All hell broke loose and I confronted her pretty harsh (it was a pretty serious offense in my book). She definitely got the impression that I cared about her. In your case, like I said it all depends on how she's handling it. If she just accepts the compliment and then moves on, then not too shabby. You might want to address it but not as harsh as I did. But if she starts getting into a conversation with these guys and ignores you and does any kind of physical contact, then let the fireworks begin cause it's time to light her up.

[EvaGina]

You sound exactly like my bf.

I dont claim to be a great beauty, but I am really chatty and I get a lot of attention for it.

My bf sometimes gets a bit insecure, but for the most part he just enjoys having guys tell him how awesome I am and how lucky he is. (yes, my ego is greatly inflated by this)

 

The thing is, if you DO get ensecure, make a little joke about it and hopefully she will get the hint and reassure you

on sat night, I told Macca I couldnt wait to get him home, he goes "you could go home with anyone here, why me?" (so it was both a compliment and a question, he said it really nicely) and I replied "becuase your my favourite" and gave him a bit kiss and a hug...

 

EDIT: I think you are going about it the right way, very mature and kudos for the good woman!

[smiles21]

Thanks hun, yea I feel like im going about it the right way. I just dont want to be too nice, or too nasty about it, ya know what i mean?

 

I dont want to smother her either.. so I guess when a situation presents itself when were out, I'll act on it. I'm not worrying about it, but I dont want to be "that guy" at the bar fighting everyone off looking like an idiot.

[EvaGina]

 

just trust her. She probably finds it quite awkward too... I know I do. Some guys actually accuse you of lying to get out of talking to them when you say youre attached!!!