Do they think about you?

[mariab.]

I was wondering whether our exes think about us at all, whether w/ regret, pain, do they miss us? Or are they so busy w/ their new lives (where they are free!free!) that they don't think about us? I've been having a sad and bad couple of days mulling over everything and can't help but wonder if he is too...

[astaro]

well, first of all you shouldnt be thinking about weather or not he/she is thinking about you.

 

second, right now i am the dumper (relashonship ended 29 days ago) and i am still in a whole lot of pain and think about her constantly.

[sunday13]

as the one being dumped, we often feel like the person doesn't care and they are just fine to go on with their lives. it is not always the case, i have learned. if the reasons for them dumping their bf/gf was not because of anything the dumpee did (like if they liked you but didn't feel like they should be with you at that time), they think about you. You can't just turn off feelings. Even the dumper is human! (I have never been the dumper, by the way... but I have been dumped enough times, and EACH time they have come back. They didn't forget...)

 

But, each time I also let them have space to sort things out. Obviously if they broke up, there was some dysfunction whether it be with you, them, or you together. And they need time to step back and see the big picture. The thing about this that sucks for them, is if they realize they really DO want to be with you, but you are so heartbroken that you can't take them back...or you find out that you are fine without them and have moved onto something better.

 

I always tell my friends who are thinking about dumping someone to really look at the long-term effects. Are they really willing to risk cutting someone out of their life forever just because they are scared or confused?

 

I think I would rather be the dumpee than the dumper with regret.

[bear12]

sunday- they all wanted you back?!! what's your trick? vodoo dolls? an in with the gods? maybe you're a greek siren? geez! anyway, that's cool. i don't really have a point, i don't think other than saying you're a lucky woman and i'm jealous! i want mine back (but, i know, i know, i'm trying not to focus on that and trying to move on.. but it's an uphill battle!) we're on NC now but i may have ruined things by becoming a complete nut job/clingy mess for the two months following the break up. but in my defense, it was hard not to be when he was constantly saying he missed me, couldn't stop thinking about me and the last time we saw each other (before initiating NC) he couldn't even tell me that he wasn't in love with me anymore... break ups are so confusing!!

[sunday13]

I would be a mess, too! It is normal to do that... by doing NC now though, he will start to think about you in a different way! People tend to remember the good unless their ex did something SO horrible they could never accept them back (ie. cheating).

 

Well, my exes came back, but by the time all of them did, I was 100% over them. I tried to make it work with one, but I just didn't have feelings for them anymore. It usually took 3 months to 7 months for them to get in touch with me.

 

My trend is this: I date a lot but rarely commit to anyone, so having a real bf for me is a big deal.

 

So, a guy wins me over and I commit. I am in it 100%, letting them into my life. I treat them well and make sure we always have fun and new things to do.

 

Something snaps in the guy...they get scared, thinking I may be the one, or, they think that there could be someone else out there and they need to explore. Each of them said it wasn't my fault. I believed them and went on with my life. (Not to say I am an angel... I can always improve myself and do things better...but I never did any huge mess-up like cheating, being too jealous, controlling or anything). I also don't even date someone who I know we will never have a chance at a future. Why try when you know it will never work in the first place?

 

So, I get dumped. Every single time. I leave them alone every single time. They come back. Weird. I wish they would just keep me when they have me!

[mariab.]

I think my question was more at least to know that whether you miss the other person and are sad they are not in your life anymore.