im so insecure...is he getting bored with me?

[missmebaby]

I got out of a year long relationship in August. He had cheated on me and lied to me so many times and we fought constantly for the last month so we broke up. I was devastated but 3 months later I met my current boyfriend and things moved very fast between us. Because of my last relationship I have been insecure and a little paranoid with my new relationship but i have barely let it show. Every once in awhile Ill tease my new boyfriend about his "other girlfriend" and sometimes when he goes out ill ask him a few questions about where hes been and what hes been doing.

 

We've been together for 3 months now and for the first 2 1/2 months my boyfriend was practically obsessed with me, always calling me, taking me out to dinner, wanting to see me all the time, and telling me how much he liked me and could see himself marrying me. I was so happy I finally found a great guy but in a way he was getting a little annoying because he seemed very clingy. Well in the past few weeks ive realized how much I love him and cant stand the thought of losing him. But in the past couple weeks he seems different. He still calls me a few times a day but not as much as he was, and when he does call me he barely talks when we used to talk for at least an hour. Anytime I wanted to get off the phone he used to say things like "no i want to talk to you." Now he just says "ok ill talk to you later." Also, he doesnt say I love you when we get off the phone unless I say it first. He doesnt ask to see me as much and whenever i ask him why hes different or if he still wants to be with me he acts a little annoyed at me. Anytime I couldnt come over to his house he would insist on coming to mine just so he could see me, but now he doesnt even offer.

 

But anytime I actually see him in person things are back to good. I went to his house last night and he seemed so excited to see me. He kept kissing me and holding me and he was saying I love you. The whole night we had a great night together. Except for one thing. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning and rolled over to see him laying there watching TV. I asked him why he was still awake and he said it was because hes been thinking about things all night. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said he was thinking about everything he has to do with his business hes starting and how he isnt going to be ready to get married anytime soon because theres alot of things to do before that. It kind of made me feel like hes changing his mind about me because he had talked about how he couldnt wait to marry me and now he says he wants to wait. Well this morning when I left he kisses me goodbye and says "love you baby ill see you tomorrow." So I think everything is better except that he called me a half hour later than he said he would and then he barely talks to me. So I finally said im gonna get off the phone and he says ok, and we hang up.

 

I cant help but be really worried about how hes feeling about me. Hes a very blunt person and says he would definitely tell me if he doesnt want to be with me again and anytime we're together things are great, but hes also been different and more distant lately. Is this just our relationship maturing and the honeymoon period is over? Or is he starting to get bored with me? Is there anything I can do to find out, or anything I can do to get him to be the way he used to be?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Well, it sounds like honeymoon phase is coming to an end. That is normal is many relationships. You both are getting comfortable with one another and that is okay too. This is why it is crucial to get to know one another very well and establish a strong foundation. So when the honeymoon phase does wear off, the relationship will be able to sustain that transition.

 

From what you have written in your post, I do not see the cause for any alarm. He calls when he says he will, even though it was 30 minutes later. Give the guy some slack. LOL And starting a business is VERY stressful and VERY risky. Heck, it would keep me up late at night too. Instead of being afraid of him being bored with you, why not ask him if he needs anything from you that would help. And let him know that you will support him in any way you can. You cannot make this all about you. What about him?

 

As I can recall, are not you 20? Is not a bit a young to be thinking about marriage? It is also important for you to engage in your life and your activities. And when your boyfriend does something that makes you feel good, that makes you feel loved, tell him, thank him. Positive reinforcement.

 

I think things are good, but moving into a different phase. Relationships evolve over time. Hang in there.

[freedomfrombondage]

You could play a little passive for a couple of days and see what happens. I am not saying you ignore him at all, just let him come to you a little more. If he continues to initiate contact, then he is definitely still interested.

[dawn515]

Hi missmebaby,

 

It sounds to me that you two spent too much time together in the beginning of the relationship. You mention that he still calls you a few times a day. Wow! Yet you still are now thinking he is bored with you.

 

Too much togetherness in the beginning of a relationship is bad. You have been together only a little over three months. He is either bored with you, as you fear, or you two just need some time apart. Why not just see one another on the weekends for awhile? Give him time to miss you.

 

Sounds to me like he still likes you, but talking every day? Go out with your friends here and there, and limit how much you talk to him. If you spend too much time together in the early stages, you just might get bored with one another too quickly.

 

I hope it works out! Good luck!

[TheFoglifter]

When starting a business, one can expect to work 7 days a week, some days 16 hours. If he is serious about it, its going to be one hell of a ride.

 

If it DOES turn into something profitable however, then it definitely paves the way for a good future. You didn't mention what type of business it was (a muffler shop vs a graphic design firm) but either way he has a lot on his mind.

 

I agree that at 3 months, the honeymoon phase is ending, and you are essentially trading the new for the secure -- that is NOT a bad thing by the way.

[Altruist]

YOu're right OP, you're acting very insecure. Your b/f loves you. Starting a business can be very stressful and time consuming. If he is able to call you more than once a day, it's evidence enough that he loves you. Don't push him away by being insecure. Just trust that he loves you. I understand that it's tough for you because of your past expriences but just try.

[missmebaby]

thank you everyone for the replies. i really am just being insecure. The change in him just shocked me. He used to be almost annoying because he paid me so much attention. He is actually starting a construction and landscaping business so he definitely has alot on his mind. Last night I stayed over and woke up to see him watching me sleeping and he smiled at me, said i looked so cute when i sleep, and said i love you. thats when i realized im just being insecure.