Can anything be done?

[isthisit1]

I have been with my wife for 12 years, we have a nine year old child. four years ago my wife started university, her course lasted 3 years and invloved her working shifts (nurse) and it was taxing on us, we also moved house, suffered family deaths, bought a new home, new town, no support etc.

It came to a head last year when she warned me she was not happy with me, that I was depressed and not the person she married. I went to the doctor got counselling and help and got back to how I was. After a few months she said things were good again, and a while after that we started trying for a child to complete our family. I came home last week for her to tell me she wants to separate, sell the house and go her own way. I will look after our son around her shifts. She said she did not find me attractive, we had become like brother and sister, and she did not know who she was as we have been together since we were 19 yrs old. She said she may find out that were good together and regret the decision. I can get get fit again, and I am sure I can become attractive to her, I do not want to give up our marriage, though I do want to make her happy and remove much of the burden we have put ourselves under. Has anyone any advice, should I give up, can it be done? We have not really argued, I know that would achieve nothing, we are still in the same house, tho she is acting distant.

[flower99]

have you two done counselling together?? I think she could use some and you could both benefit from it. She sounds unhappy, It seems like she is expecting you to make her happy, and now she's realizing you can't. And she's blaming you for it, rather than realizing happiness comes from within (it's not carried by a person).. physical apperance shouldn't matter that much. I think it was something she could put the blame on, since you fixed the last thing she requested. It's easier for her to blame you rather than looking inwards to see how she lost herself & to help find her self again.

Anything can be done, but you can't fix it alone. She needs to be willing. And that's were I think marriage counsolling would be a good plan.

I'm sorry for the hurt & pain you must be feeling ((hugs))

I wish you happiness

[Beec]

OK, first of all, this is tough and it probbaly has little to do with you not being in shape. It probably has much to do with how you treat her, and how the two of you interact.

 

The first thing I would begin to do is agree with her. No fighting allowed. You need not succumb to all her wishes, but you do need to not fight. If you agree to do something, and blow it off, agree that you should not of when she complains. And act like anything she says and does bothers you not one iota. Then I would begin to build a life, for you and you alone, which consumes part of your time. Treat her as a friend, and nothign more, and certainly not the center of your life.

 

And then, I would begin to engage in some research. If you want your wife back, you really need to make her want to come back. The steps above are all about you not screwing it up until you figure out things to do to make her want to come back. Until you can begin to enact a plan. You need to figure out how to treat her so she wants you. Because she wants to want her man, not just share space with him. And I would not make any drastic changes without lots of thought.

[redsuede]

people operate in strange and mysterious ways, as does life. I am so sorry you are going through this. You cannot control this even if you desperately try.

 

Sometimes trying makes you feel worse off and lonlier, and the situation useless.

 

Take her word at face value. Its admirable how much you have given to this relationship.

 

See what happens by surrendering to what is.

 

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.. We are all here for you.