Just Broke-up but still living together (and being nice)

[BarCap]

I moved to London from US for my g/f... We've been together 2 years, 1 one of which we lived together in London (in her apartment)...

 

About 1.5 weeks ago we broke-up - we had been fighting quite a bit for the past few months and it became too much. It was very hard on us, the break-up took about a week, with every day she asking me "are we making a mistake"...

 

Finally at the end of the week she went to Spain to visit her sister and called from there and said that she loves/cares about me and wants to be my best friend, but her romantic feelings for me are gone, and wants me to move out.

 

She said "take your time, to find a place which you are comfortable with, there is no rush for you to move out"... So now we are still living together, but broken-up, and I'm looking for a place... I insisted that I sleep on the couch but she wouldn't allow it... So we sleep in the same bed, and she sticks her feet under mine and holds my hand (initiated by her)... She also makes comments like "i bought a cup so WE can keep OUR tooth brushes", or "i'll bring a juicer from my parents place so WE can make fruit juices"... I don't get it, why is she making these comments if I'm looking for a place to move out???? Why does she insist I sleep with her, and hold my hand etc... AND still calls me "baby" rather than by my first name.... Though now she goes into the bathroom to change, won't change in front of me...

 

Also, doesn't bring up the subject about me moving out - doesn't ask how the search is going etc...

 

I have a feeling that she feels sorry for me... Maybe because I moved accross the pond for her, and I have no family, and few friends here so she knows I can't just leave....

 

Btw - when in the apartment together we act very nice to each other, we say jokes and laugh; we don't argue, we don't make any sad comments; we don't talk about the break-up;

 

Either feels sorry, or maybe still likes me and doesn't want to end it (and doesn't want me to move out) and we are both sort of "pretending" that nothing happened and hope it all somehow goes away and we get back to "normal" ???

 

Of course, I'm probably saying stupid things... Any thoughts??

[Jetta]

Well my ex and I lived together for about 3 months after the divorce. It was because I was a stay home mom seeking employment. We shared the bed, but didn't cuddle or anything. We were amicable.

 

It's unusual but if you can manage it fine. As far as her feelings, well maybe she's weining herself off you.

[Clanger]

Dont worry about her, how do you feel?

 

Do you want to give it another go? or would you rather take the break and move on?

 

Londons the last place i would want to be on my own, if i were you i'd take yourself away from her for a few days somewhere quiet and chilled and decide what YOU want.. and if that means heading back to the US then so be it.. at least you have given it a go over here with her

[rocio]

Sometimes she's probably trying to be nice (feels bad about hurting you) and at other times she probably is afraid to be alone and enjoys your presense in her life. Either way, you need to move on as quickly as possible. Don't let her actions cause you to feel too comfortable. Find another home as quickly as possible, for your own good.

[Altruist]

She's probably just being nice. I know rejection hurts but it's probably time that you moved out and found a place of your own.

 

IMO after moving all the way from the US to be with her, don't you think you should have progressed much further than just bf/gf? I mean two years being casual is a bit too long after making such a bold commitment move to come all the way from one continent just to be with her. She probably felt confused and used.

Just my thoughts.

[Beec]

BarCap,

 

Welcome to enotalone.

 

I think the first thing to understnad is that feelings do change and they can go in any direction. She can not have romantic feelings for you, then she could and vice versa.

 

I also wuld ask yourself about what do you want. If you really want her back, then take your time and really think about that. If you want her back, then you need to look at a number of things, primarily how did yu change while you were together. We all change when with people for a longtime, we go frm seeming to be constantly one way, the face we show many, to letting our guards down and also changing how we deal with each other. My guess is that the guy who made her hot changed, and if I had to bet, you became whimpier in your personality, probably because you relied on her too much (that's just a guess).

 

For now, I would keep thinking about creating yourself a life independent of her, find things to do outside of your place and do continue looking for something else. If this does not resolve itself, you may need it. Perhaps you think about something that does not need a longterm lease. Don't fight with her, be a friend, act liek you want nothing more, agree with her.

[amtjrtcet]

Welcome!

 

When my ex and I broke up after a 6 yr relationship we lived together for 3 wks. But our situation was not like yours. We fought the whole 3wks. Slept in different bedrooms. Sometimes at night I'd here him crying-I'm sure he heard me too.

 

He went out drinking every night and didn't come home a few nights. (this is one of the main reasons I broke up with him in the first place.)

 

It was awful, but it was the only thing we could do at the time financially. After 3 wks I moved in w/a girlfriend.

 

The only advice I can give right now is worry about YOU. If I were you I'd find another place to live as soon as possible. For your own good.

 

Good luck.

[BarCap]

So last night when she came home from work I told her that I went to see a potential apartment, and at first she was like "Ohh...", as in seeming disappointed. And I was like "That is what you want, right? for me to move out".... She said "We need time apart, don't you think, don't you think you should move out"........ She just sounded unsure in the way she was saying these things. Didn't sound like a person who has lost her romantic feelings for me..... I dunno, if it was me if I didn't want to spend time with a girl anymore and lost my romantic feelings for her then I would sound very sure in my responses and I would want them out as soon as possible...

 

So a couple of hrs later I asked her why she sounded so unsure, and she said that she is in fact sad in a way because after all we lived together for a year and that I've been her best friend, but that she is sure that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and wants me to move out...

 

Fair enough, point taken...

 

Then this morning while we were getting ready for work, we were listening to happy music, chatting, etc and she said "You know, I dind't ask you last night how YOU feel about us"... (mind you, there was no relationship talk in the morning whatsoever)..... So something is going through her head, I'm just not sure what.... Any ideas???

 

I'm seeing a few more places tonight and hopefully one will work out so I can move out this weekend...