using NC to win back ex. success stories

[want_his_love]

on here, other forums and on general relationship sites... they all say the best thing you can do if you want someone back is to use NC.

 

just curious to know if any one on here has any success stories about using NC (or something similar) and their ex came running back

 

would be interested to find out

[want_his_love]

ps-

 

and b4 you all say it.... i know NC isnt supposed to be a tool to win back the ex.

 

but just curious to know if it has worked for anyone

[EvaGina]

Its called manipulation and game playing....

It works wonders, and is great for the strength and stability of a relationship... not to mention your general emotional wellbeing

 

edit... saw your ps too late...

Yes it works sometimes, but who wants the kind of people that react like that anyways.

[friscodj]

I think when you ask such a question you should better define what you mean by "work".

 

Do you mean "get back together" as if this is the end of the means? Yep, I've done that several times. In that sense, it works.

 

How long does this reconciliation last, what does it feel like after it ends again, what pattern did it trap me in, and how much deeper in the hole did it put me? That is a different story and "NC" certainly did not work in that sense...

[majord23]

NC can certainly bring someone back - but anyone who utilizes it as a 'tool' to bring someone back will inevitably end up disappointed.

 

When you employ any 'tactic', you are always awaiting a result, and thus are putting yourself in limbo for an indefinite period of time.

 

I have yet to see anyone use NC as a method to get an ex back...and then stick to it when the ex hasn't reappeared after a couple of months. Usually at that point the 'dumpee' starts to look at other 'tactics', and the downward spiral continues.

That's why I always say that if you are entering NC - be prepared to do it forever, and do not rely on any reaction from your ex - because you may never ever see one. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.

[majord23]

ps-

 

and b4 you all say it.... i know NC isnt supposed to be a tool to win back the ex.

 

but just curious to know if it has worked for anyone

 

To answer this: I ditto what frisco has said.

 

Yes, it has brought an ex back for me....but we ended again, because none of the issues had been worked through (individually or as a couple). Not a good place to be...let me tell you.

 

AND

 

It has worked in that I had an ex come back....but by that time (because I had been in NC for a considerable period of time), I had no interest in reconciliation.

 

I consider the second scenario the 'working' one - because at the end of the day, I came out of the situation relatively unscathed.

[Me and myself]

Using majord23's words, and quoting someone's from ENA signature: "Sometimes the ex comes back when we don't remember them anymore".

I think that's the best definition of a successfull NC process.

[Thunderforce]

Well all the exes (who broke up with me) sooner or later came back, for several reasons, some for just a chat as friends, some who wanted me back. The strangest one was:

 

When I was 21 I had a boyfriend. Half a year into it ... he disappeared from the earth kinda. Nowhere to reach/ find! He never really broke up with me but well I didn't hear anymore from him and after a few months he became a vague memory ... after being frustrated and hurt ofcourse for months. Exactly one year later, he showed up at my doorstep again ... with so much love in his eyes. I was stunned! I didn't want him back ofcourse...

 

Simular things happened again: Men poofing and coming back later. But at the time they came back I didn't care anymore... to late!

[darkpumpkin]

I agree that everyone at some point comes back for some reason. I would say n/c works for both sides. I did it to one ex and 3 months later he contacted me. I broke up with someone and they just stopped contacting me and about a month to two I heard a song and thought about him and contacted him. Neither time was to really be with that person just to take something from them.

[dovejoint]

I stopped talking to her, taking her phone calls, stopped emails..... everything.

 

but not to get her back..... but to get me back.

 

In the end I got myself back first and then her. I learned alot about myself and what I could do just being myself. I bacame stronger, wiser, and more attractive to other people. I guess she saw that as well and. As soon as we realize what are self worth is, then we begin to respect ourselves and begin to value our wants and needs.

[lady00]

NC isn't a magic formula to get your ex back. If you do NC and constantly think of your ex, you will not get them back, almost guaranteed. NC helps you heal and become indifferent to whether or not they come back. But if you want them back you'll eventually have to contact them or respond if they contact you, see them, and the idea is that your will be back to your old self by then, happier, more confident, and if they don't want you back you won't freak out about it because you will know that you can date other people. You won't be desperate so chances are you won't make a fool out of yourself. I think NC or minimal contact (if NC is not possible for some reason) is the best way to put yourself into a position where you are healthy and rational and can see your ex for what they really are and then decide if you still like them enough to approach them and see what happens. If you do do this and things go well, the idea is that you should treat it as dating, just as you did when you first started dating and then gradually get back together.

 

I've had this happen to me...I did minimal contact (not NC) and I dated another guy. I became indifferent to the ex. Eventually the other guy and I broke up for reasons having nothing to do with the ex. During this time, I kept in very minimal contact with the ex and spoke every now and then if he called me. Then the ex started asking me out (first to hang out in groups...I think because he sensed I wasn't 100% comfortable with him just yet...then alone). We dated a bit but I broke things off because minimal contact and dating another guy had done the trick for me and I realized I we were not compatible and that there were better matches for me out there.

[lady00]

As soon as we realize what are self worth is, then we begin to respect ourselves and begin to value our wants and needs.

 

Yes! If you in way show your ex that you do not value yourself (by spending your valuable time paying excess amount of attention to them, by pestering them etc) then you aren't where you need to be. You aren't respecting and valuing yourself by spending time doing things for yourself and your growth. Your ex by consequence will not value you either. My ex did not come back until I became indifferent to him and stopped paying him attention all the time and until I realized that my time was valuable and that I wouldn't just spend it on him if I wasn't getting what I wanted. In my case, I don't know if you'd call it a "success" story because the guy came back but I decided he wasn't right for me. I guess in a sense it was a success because I went on to date someone who was much kinder to me and it made me realize that I need to set the bar higher for guys that I date.