Loves me, but has feelings for another.

[Sean]

Ok, I've been dating Kay for awhile now, and I thought things were going great, and I tried to be the best boyfriend I can be, I mean I've given her everything she needs on an emotional level, and a physical level, and whatever other levels there are, but God. Anyways, Kay and I always tell each other that we love each other, and I believed that, but now I don't know what to believe. Ok, so she has this guy friend, who apparently is her best friend, and he does have a crush on her. Now this wasn't a problem before because he was dating another girl. However ever since they've broken up, it just seems like he wants to be with her. I talked about it with her tonight, and well while she did have a crush on him when he was with his ex (this was before me), but she moved on. Well he broke up with his ex, and now they're talking again, having a great time etc. However, I think things are getting too close for comfort. I mean he's acting like he loves her and is just waiting for us to break up so he can have Kay. Hell he even asked her out when we are together! I mean my God, this guy pratically just wants to date her, to love her and probably have sex with her. Of course I don't say anything because he makes Kay happy and I want her to be happy, and I don't want to be this poessive psychotic jealous guy. However, now I just think he's crossing the line, he's saying stuff like "I love you as a best friend" and "I'll be here for you, if you and Sean don't work out, which I hope doesn't happen." So I ask her if she still has feelings for him, and she does, and I asked her if anything separates me from Mike, and she says, not really. I mean jeez, this is the same woman who tells me that she loves me, doesn't want to lose me, wants to be with me always, wants to move in with me, wants me to meet her entire family. I mean jeez, and apparently the only reason I'm dating her is because I came first. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I do have a problem here, I really don't know what to think and what to do....

[heloladies21]

You gotta stick up for yourself man. What's going on is completely ridiculous. Obviously this guy is trying to move in on your territory, but you can't be mad at him as he owes you nothing. Dating is not a team sport.

 

Your girl's actions and answers to your questions show that she is emotionally separating/ed from you and on her way out the door. So you gotta treat this situation differently or else you're gonna get sumped right right quick for this other guy. Take of the "nice guy" mask and show how you truly feel. One way you show a girl that you care about her is to get jealous and possessive. Some guys just take it over the top, but you are in no danger of that at this point.

 

She's no longer allowed to hang out with this guy. She needs to understand that and you're the guy to make that happen.

[willow2900]

Ok. It sounds to me like Kay is using you.

 

You state it yourself: she still has feelings for Mike; she sees no difference between you and him.

 

You question your validity in the relationship by stating you feel you are only there because you came first - the other half of that is because Mike was taken. And now he's not. My suggestion? Walk away.

 

A few questions though: how old are you guys? How long have you dated?

[Sean]

Ok. It sounds to me like Kay is using you.

 

You state it yourself: she still has feelings for Mike; she sees no difference between you and him.

 

You question your validity in the relationship by stating you feel you are only there because you came first - the other half of that is because Mike was taken. And now he's not. My suggestion? Walk away.

 

A few questions though: how old are you guys? How long have you dated?

 

I'm 23, she's 18 and we've been dating for a long time, about six month. God I try to keep my girlfriend at arms length so I don't get hurt, and it doesn't work. I try to keep them close and open up to them it doesn't work, jeez...

[willow2900]

Ok;

 

You've got to decide if you want to continue in the realtionship. If you do, you have to do like heloladies said and give her a sorta ultimatum. You have to let her know that her behaviour and relationship with Mike is hurting you and feels unfair. Now, if you do that, be prepared for the response. It could go either way. And honestly, since it seems to me like she's using you, I don't think it'll go the way you want.

 

If you don't want to continue the relationship cut your losses and move on. She's young (not trying to knock any 18 yr olds out there) but obviously she is not as strong and committed to this realtionship and you would like to think she is. If she were, she wouldn't allow that behaviour from her friend to continue.

 

It looks from your posts that you are trying, but it seems she isn't. That's something to think about.