tough night

[broken7]

thanks bestrong....its tough but im staying strong. I hate him for being this way....i know its a lie, she didn't just "stop by" she lives an hour away. I just need to get away, your right, hes full of lies and wont change. I know he will try to get a hold of me when she leaves, and I wont answer, wont respond to his texts..nothing. If he clearly wants to spend time with this girl, then he needs to spend all his time with her and leave me alone to live my life.

[treefrogkate]

I agree with BSBH.

 

You can file this under "easier said than done", but honestly you need to get this man entirely out of your life and your head:

 

Don't answer his texts. Why should you care if he's got someone over? If you really think about it, you'll realize he didn't send that to you to warn you... you might have thought nothing of the car in the driveway, maybe it was one of his mates or something. No, he wanted you to know that he had that girl over so that you would be jealous, and maybe you would try to come back into his life.

 

He's not trying to stay in contact with you to be nice, that's for sure. Block his number. Block his email address. Don't respond to anything you get from him - in fact, don't even read it! There's no reason you should know anything further about what's going on with him, because he's not your boyfriend. He was a total jerk to you, and you deserve better.

 

Keep posting here. It's good to get all this off your chest. If you feel like writing to him or answering something he sent to you, come here instead. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he can still get the best of you!

 

Leave him to his life. Karma will take care of him. Get yourself back together and move on!

[broken7]

well i talked to him today Not because I wanted to but because I had to...my new cell phone was shipped to his house by mistake, so I had to call and ask him if he could put it somewhere for me so I could pick it up. I dont want to see him, just want my phone. Anyway he started talking about the other girl, and yeah she will be over again tonight. He felt the need to let me know that, but said its just because she lives so far away, and she was coming in town to go to the doctor. I just avoided the subject all together, and just asked if he would put the phone in his mailbox or something so I could pick it up after I got off work. He said, just call me tomorrow and I will let you know where it is. So when i get off work tomorrow im going to call him, but not going to let the conversation stray. Once I know where to get my phone then thats all that needs to be said.

[treefrogkate]

Anyway he started talking about the other girl, and yeah she will be over again tonight. He felt the need to let me know that, but said its just because she lives so far away, and she was coming in town to go to the doctor.

 

Egads, he is a real jerk. In my expert opinion (haha), he's either really rubbing it in your face, or he's not getting any and wants you to know that so you'll take him back so he'll get some.

 

If it were me, when I called back and he launched into talking about the girl, I would probably, very sweetly and with the utmost calm, say "Oh, you don't have to tell me anything. It's really none of my business." and get back to the matter at hand, which is getting your cell phone. If he kept talking about it, I would probably say "I'm sorry, I'm in a rush to meet a friend, I just need to find out where you put my phone so I can pick it up" and then refuse to comment any further. Even if I was planning on sitting at home all night crying into my Hagen-Daas.

 

Don't fall for his fishing. Let him know that you no longer care what he does. Be strong and be confident. Then cry after you get off the phone if you need to.

[SummerGirl38]

Not really...my life for the last 2 years has become work then him. My head is going in circles, just imagining them together in his bed tonight. How could you love someone so much, and they seem to love you so little. I just hope shes worth it, because im sticking to what I said tonight, he will never see or speak to me again.

 

 

God I know it hurts, but why would you want to be with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you? It just wasn't meant to be or it would have been.

 

Honey, I've been there. I know it kills you inside but don't put those thoughts (them in bed) in your head.

 

Put on your band-aid and go out now, go shopping, go see some friends, talk to us, just do something with yourself and get your mind off of that picture in your head.

 

What comes around, goes around. Hopefully she's giving him something as we speak.

 

HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS. There are so many other men out there.

When my Ex cheated I looked at it as a way of starting over. Going out, meeting new people and finding that one true love.

 

If he doesn't love you, atleast you can thank him for setting you free!!!

[broken7]

thanks so much girls. Its been really hard these last couple of days, I guess bc I ended up seeing him to get my phone. He made it the most difficult thing ever, he kept it in his house so i would have to knock and get it. He started on the other girl thing, and how he loves her, and how great she is. Why does he intentially want to hurt me so bad. I didn't really say much, tried to stay strong, but ended up crying. Just keeping quiet, getting my phone and leaving. Hes so mean, but I cant care anymore, im out of tears to cry for him. I haven't spoke to him since, and dont care to ever again. Hes so hateful and so mean, even being in his house, knowing hes there all the time with another girl just made me sick to my stomach. Every day is hard, but I just try to keep myself occupied the best I can. I hoping with time this pain fades, and I can move on with my life. Im not giving him the benefit of the doubt though, im not calling, not begging, nothing. I wont let me know that hes hurting me, and that Im upset, for all he knows Im out having fun. She can have him!

[SummerGirl38]

That's the right attitude gf. I guarantee you, the pain WILL fade.

[treefrogkate]

Oh I am so sorry. That is really awful, and I can't even imagine what you must have been feeling standing there listening to him go on about this girl.

 

I'm glad you have the attitude you do, though. You're dealing with it really well, and I applaud you for being so strong.

 

If you ever feel like you need to contact him, please come back to this post and reread everything he's done for you. If you still feel like you need to contact him even after that, then write here. If you don't want to write here, then feel free to PM me anytime. I don't check this every day, but at least you'll have written something down, and hopefully that will get it out of your system.

 

The important thing is: Do NOT give him the satisfaction of knowing you're still thinking about him, even if it's to write him a nastygram telling him what a lousy jerk he is. He is NOT worth it.

 

Stay strong. It might seem like forever, but you'll forget about the hurt he's caused you. And I agree, this other girl will be going through the exact thing you're going through right now soon enough.

[broken7]

thanks so much. This is probably the hardest thing ive ever had to do, I miss him so much, but im only missing the guy I thought he was. Some days Im really strong and doing good, then theres moments where i break and am very weak. I know that this will pass with time, and I know I deserve better then him. I just keep replaying everything in my mind, and I move pass the hard moments. Right now Im just kinda sad, I guess bc I loved him so much, and look where its gotten me. I was true to him and gave him my all, and now im the one heartbroken and hes the one who is happy and moving on. Just trying to make it day to day, heres to another day. Cant wait until Im completely through with this.

[treefrogkate]

He's only happy because he's in a shiny new situation. You can bet that he'll be unhappy and doing the same to her in not too long from now. So really, who is going to be happier in the end? This guy, who needs to jump from woman to woman to make himself feel better, or you, who can give all of herself to one man who deserves it?

 

I think you know the answer to that question.

[broken7]

I know he will never be faithful to her. Ive figured it out, he likes her so much b/c she doesn't put up a fight, she doesnt stand up for herself. She lets him do whatever he wants, he can hang out with whoever and do whatever, just as long as he hangs out with her to. I wont stand for that, I stand up for myself, and be a girl on anyones list. Thats why we dont get along, he wants me to just be calm and let him do whatever. Sorry im worth more then that! Hes texted a lot, but Im just trying to move on day to day...she can have him! He will never be true to her!

[SummerGirl38]

I thought about you as I was driving home Friday Broken, felt real bad for ya.

Are things any better the last couple of days?

[broken7]

Thanks for the thoughts I wish I could say its gotten easier, but it hasn't. While he has this other girl who he is with, hes still texting/calling, and wanting to hang out. I haven't responded, I cant, its hurting so bad, but i know hes only contacting me b/c his current girlfriend isn't there at the time and hes bored. It hurts that hes this way, I just miss the guy I once new, or the guy I thought he was. All I can do at this point is move on, or atleast try. Once I get back out there and find someone else I know I will be better off. I can look back at this and think why was I ever upset. Now its just getting there. Have you ever had an ex contact you, and then if they dont for a day or two you wonder why, and you start missing them again. Thats where im at...he will text and text, and then nothing, then hes back a couple days later. Im just trying to stay strong, one day at a time!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i don't know if this will help you, but there is something called 'intermittant reinforcement', which means that when someone is given a reward only sometimes, not every single time, it actually makes the person chase harder after the reward than if they got a reward every time...

 

so him texting you on and off is working that way, manipulating you into missing him, then before too long goes by and you start to get on without him, he starts texting you again so you won't forget him and move on...

 

the best way to deal with this is to set your phone to reject his calls and texts, so that you get silence and time to recover from him. he really sounds like he may be trying to keep you on a string for when it is convenient for him, not treating you with respect and consistency... he really won't offer you want you want, though he will continue to manipulate you to try to get what he wants...

[broken7]

yeah, i can see that...he does it so I wont forget about him, even if the text is random and doesn't mean anything. He knows that I will see it and for that moment think about him. Its for sure a set back every time he contacts me. He knows I love him, but I will never be with him after what he has done. I dont understand why he cant be satisfied ever with one girl. He always has to have more then one, enough to occupy all his time. Im ready to find a better guy, a guy who can treat me right...just wish the pain of missing him, and missing what we had would go away. I was hoping it would get easier as the days went on, but theres moments where it seems like im still in day 1.

[SummerGirl38]

They will get easier hon, you know that and the day will come when you look back and say God, I have a great guy now, why did I ever let that idiot get me down?

 

But for now just keep thinking of all the hurt he has caused you. If that makes you cry, then let it out and cry. I think BeStrong had some good advice, block him from texting if you can. It will be so much easier if he's

not so in your face so to speak all the time.

 

Or how about this idea, I had this Ex who did the same thing to me, he cheated, and I lost everything. He would still call me months later, just to check up on me and my life. He would flirt and I would flirt back, basically because I still loved the guy. I hated him for what he had done, but deep down I was still his sucker.

 

Pretty soon being I was single I gave in to him one day and ended up meeting him for lunch (he was still living with the same girl he dumped me for)

well, let's just say the attraction was still there and we ended up playing house again at the Best Western. He told me all kinds of things like he never should have dumped me for her. I was right for him. Asked me if I could get over some of my issues from the past, I said probably.

 

I thought great, I stole my guy back...WRONG...I was just a piece for a few hours, he had no intentions of ever getting back together at all, he just knew we always have had a sexual connection with each other.

 

So about a year ago he called again, wanting to hook-up and I informed him that I was back together with my High School Sweetheart and I was more in love than ever. I told him he would have to find someone else to be his (another name for prostitute).

 

HE HASN'T CALLED ME IN A YEAR. Create a man, make him a good one, make him big, tall and very jealous. Not only will this eat him up because you have moved on, it will also show him that you could now care less about his petty texts. He'll give up!

 

Take care, thanks for the update, I was worried!!