How do I convince this person? Please help

[Stinkweed]

I'd appreciate it very much if I could get some input on this. I realize it's a long one, and not about "She Cheated on me", "Want to ask her out but I'm too shy" or "my ex contacted me after 100 days NC!" or anything more interesting and exciting like that, but please, do bare with me.

 

Ok, I've got a younger sibbling, and they used to be different from me... Very different. I've pretty much have always been pretty introverted. I mean, I remember I had a hard time making friends as far back as the 3rd grade. Anyway, I hit an all-time "low" when I was 15 until I was almost 17.

 

When I was 17, I changed, but it was a very hard change, and by the time I was 18, and a senior in HS, I finally was who I wanted to be. I was not the guy sitting quite at the corner of the classroom anymore, and in all my classes I knew everybody, and everybody knew me. I couldn't help but think "Wish I had been this way since I was 14-15" because this change was like being young, but actually being young, not only physically, but at heart as well, and it was like turning 15, basically. I mean, it's hard to explain, but I was kind of goofy and immature, and I knew that in college, things wouldn't be the same, so basically I wished that I didn't have to grow up so soon, and that I could enjoy feeling as young as I did as if I had all the time in the world (like when you're 15, and you still have like 3 years of high school left to be a kid). I so wanted to start a band, skateboard, etc, but it felt like I wouldn't have time to do those things, that are mostly for kids, in college.

 

Anyway, now in college I'm back to being a loner again, and things are very different. I'm definitively a different person, and naturally, I have many more responsibilities and less time to do fun things (things I never did when I was 15). My point is, that every since this sibbling of mine started nearing that age, they started to act a lot like I did back then (you know, angry at the world, self conscious because I was overweight, except this person is not overweight at all). And I tried pretty hard to give advice and dropped hints that that wasn't going to be a very cool age/stage in life if they wouldn't have a more positive attitude towards life and if they didn't understand that you're only 15-16 once. They just don't seem to listen to me... And I'm afraid they'll turn out just like me: feeling constantly bored, having no life and studying from sunup to sundown and getting burnt out, etc... I wouldn't have time to start a band, for instance.

 

I'm not feeling lonely, but I do constantly feel bored, like I wish something different would be going on next friday night, but it's always the same. However, sameness does have its advantage to me, because I like to schedule everything, and be disciplined about what I do throughout the day, everyday. Anyway, it especially annoys me when people can tell somehow that I've never had a girlfriend, for instance (well that's the impression that I get)... I mean, I'm going to a school were almost everybody's idea of a fun night, is playing Xbox and whatnot for 5 hours straight and talking about computers, etc, and among all these people, they can still tell I'm a "loser who's never had a girlfriend." And what annoys me about that is not that I've never had a girlfriends (I'm not looking for one either), but mostly that it sort of feels they can tell and it kind of embarrasses me. It's pretty tricky to explain.

 

I know that if I starred in a reality tv show, it'd be the most boring show ever. Anyway, enough about me, I just wish my sibbling would know better than letting life turn out this way for them (and until now it pretty much has... I know they don't have many friends, and I've seen their face when my parents talk to them about school, etc)... Especially since this person used to be very sociable a year or two ago; a leader, if you will.

 

I mean, I want them to figure things out on their own, but I'm afraid that if they do this, but turns out it's kind of late (like it was for me... I mean, I can tell late from early. When it's late you wish it were earlier, and when it's early you sure as heck don't wish it were even earlier) they'll end up like me, unable to socialize with the majority of people...

 

I realize most people will tell me to let it go, but just thought I'd ask for some input. Thanks and best wishes.

[blender]

Before you can "convince someone else of something" you have to "convince yourself first".. and you can do so by changing your own thought pattern...you are in control of your thoughts, and yes sometimes we can go years stuck in a certain self defeating thought pattern, but we do have the power to make a choice to change our "thoughts"... and to put them in a positive light.. it's all about "chosen perspective" because each new day bring the new possilbity of doing things in your life "differently".. because you CHOOSE to.... it's like breaking any "habit".. thought habits are tough to break, but oh so worth breaking...

 

The only way you can show your siblings "hope" or get them enthusiastic about a "different outcome" is to make YOUR life different as an example.. be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished, try to make a choice to find joy in simple things, whether it be a wonderful miracle of a sunset or sunrise, or the waves hitting the shore, express this "joy in life" to them, find it within yourself to have "gratitude" for all you do have, boredom is a selfish thing... so start "giving to someone" anything, volunteer, ask someone else how they are doing and what is new with them, get involved in helping others, and you will find so less time to concentrate on what you "don't have" and will be gaining so much.. and be a wonderful example to your younger siblings... you are so intelligent and wise to even be thinking about all this, and that is a sign of how deeply you feel, think and also how much you can offer...to yourself and to others...

[Stinkweed]

Hi Ellie, I'm doing better now... Still lots of work to do, and a hard time focusing... But I'm managing to get through it.

 

Anyway, so, would the occasional word of advice be a bad idea? Just a couple of suggestions I consider important (well, they were crucial to me)?

 

One of them is simply not being afraid of doing whatever you want to do. When I was younger, for some reason, I really was afraid... It's why I had no hobbies and no passions whatsoever. I was a hateful anti-social a** too, and a terrible role-model, which is why I think it is kind of my fault my sibbling is going to turn out the same way... I'm definitively a better role model now, but it seems like they just pick up on the negative, lol, as ironic as that may sound. I mean, when you're a kid, who would you rather want to be when you grow up: the janitor or the astronaut?

 

In fact, I don't think it would be so bad if they turned out to be similar to me... I mean, sure, I'm unable/unwilling to maintain/start any kind of human relation ship because I tend to be skeptical of people, even though 95% of the time it turns out I read too much into things and I'm wrong. Anyway, I just think that it'd suck if they end up being some tool... I see people who enjoy being out with their friends... It looks like it's the healthy thing, and that they're just normal... I wanted my sibling to be normal as well.

 

Anyway: Would a couple of suggestions be a bad idea?

[blender]

I think you have a great idea, in suggesting to them, that if you could change one thing when you were younger, it would be "not to be so afraid".. telling them this would be a wonderful gift.. you're a good guy, and it so nice that you are caring enough to want to influence thier lives in a positive and helpful way.. it's so impressive and mature of you to be thinking along these lines, all I can tell you from your "writing" on here, you should get out more, and talk to people without fear, because you have so many interesting things to say, and share, and who knows how many other "introverted people" YOU could help...

[Stinkweed]

Ellie, yeah I wasn't planning on coming out of the blue and starting to talk about these things, lol. I'd only do it when it is in context, lol. Heck, I know I, myself, would be spooked too if an older sibling of mine, or my parents came out of the blue with a serious conversation like this. Anyway, I guess I'll try to do as both you and blender suggested, including the part that blender mentioned about getting out more often... Thank you both and best wishes.

[Altruist]

Good luck Stink (I hope you dont mind the shortening lol). It's refreshing to know that there is someone out there that cares about their younger sibling so much. Keep trying. Great advice Ellie and Blender!