NyGentleman Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Ok well I was moving on slowly and than it happened, she walked in (we go to school together) into a comp room and got totally ignored...Yes I was ignoring her too, but she was the one who wanted out...(i think, thats up in the air, maybe an ex issue that caused it all to go down the drain) but anyway... Why do i feel as if she doesn't care anymore, i mean i did nothing wrong and yet im getting ignored...i guess maybe i wanted her to at least say to me i dont want you to ignore me or hate me...So i got up and left 10 mins into it and didnt even acknowledge her ...got nothing from there on in and its been a week of NC...In the past this would seem crazy bc she never could have me mad at her it would drive her nuts...now what the hell is going on? Stick with NC or contact her and ask what the hell... The obvious is, well its a breakup or whatever this is part of it..but she left off by saying to me i want to still be there for you, and i dont want you to hate me...and i left off by saying its not about you its about me and whether or not i can get past all this and go back to being there for you again..this was our official last convo before a week of NC..and now this... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Don't contact her. You ignore her and she'll ignore you and that's the best way for it to be right now. When she left she had already left. She was ready for you to ignore her. It gives her the advantage, but don't let it drive you crazy or into childish games. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Don't contact her. You ignore her and she'll ignore you and that's the best way for it to be right now. When she left she had already left. She was ready for you to ignore her. It gives her the advantage, but don't let it drive you crazy or into childish games. Thats what really burns me up is that the whole concept of "the upper hand" i want that upper hand so she can feel what im going through...its easy to say the hard stuff, its not as easy to hear it...is this part of the phase for someone who breaks it off, i mean ive never been in a rejection thing (sounds crazy) but true, i don't understand the concept of being so cold to someone when that person initiated the whole thing to begin with... Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I think it's just going to be hard for a while for both of you to deal with communicating with one another...hence the ignoring each other. The feelings are just too fresh. Give it time and the desire to even talk to her will hopefully diminish. I am pretty much ignoring my ex now although we have had some email contact. It's not that i don't care...I just don't want to deal with it. Link to comment
isidore Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 There's a possibility that what she assured you of when you were breaking up was to make her feel better rather than actual fact. Don't contact her: you'll boost her ego at the expense of your own sanity. As you said yourself: you did nothing wrong, so don't let this latest brush with her throw you off balance. Let her be cold and ignore you; you'll heal and if she ever contacts you in the future your wound'll be closed, and you can decide at your leisure if speaking with her at that point suits your interest. And if she never contacts you again then it won't matter, because she'll have shown you she wasn't worth the pain anyway. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 gah revenge and games... you want the "upper hand" to punish her? Dude, if she wasnt feeling SOMTHING bad she wouldnt be ignoring you. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 gah revenge and games... you want the "upper hand" to punish her? Dude, if she wasnt feeling SOMTHING bad she wouldnt be ignoring you. Everyone is right, but Eva, your right as well...she must be hurting or she isnt human (that or the ex came back and is comforting her so she's not hurting either,) but i dont like to think about those things .... The pattern went, i was her friend through her very depressive breakup, and i guess i was the one that got rid of those feelings for her of being down and out by being there for her, now ironic as it is, im going through that with no one there but me and she is the walk away-er with nothing to feel ..duno if that makes sense..but anyway my heart was pounding when i realized she was around, thats how hurt i was, but to know that this time around things are different is a very hard feeling to feel ... Isidore you put things in a good perspective, its really on her now but when we left off after her explaining it wasnt me it was her...i told her is wasnt about her it was about me, hopefully i didnt mess up the balance...i said that because i wanted her to worry about me wanting to ever talk to her again...the last things that were said from her were, i dont want you to hate me, i wanna be there for you again one day if you needed me, i hope that it can be like that one day even though it doesnt seem like it will be... Link to comment
HyruleGuardian Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 This sounds a lot like my situation. My girlfriend was coming off a horrible break up and her past was haunting her. I came in and was "the greatest guy in the world" to her. I helped her get through some tough times. Then on Tuesday she broke up with me and it "wasn't me, it was her." Now it has basically turned the tables and it sucks not knowing how she's feeling right now. The best thing you can do is try to keep no contact. Ignoring may seem childish, but the feelings are still there between you two. Give it some time and see what happens from there. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 I know NC is the way to go, as hard as it is, its the best way to go through this stuff right now, but to deal with the ignoring factor makes me feel even worse..It just goes to prove sometimes that even after so much time with someone you may not really know them that well... Does anyone think that one day she will have a moment of clarity with all this? I mean listen to this, i played many roles in this girls life that ive never done before...(I did the carpenter thing, the cooking thing, the teacher/mentor thing, the counselor thing, the friend thing, the bf thing) I mean all things that the ex never did or for that matter anyone has ever done for her. I felt like a real man for all this, and i thought there is no way im not golden with all these qualities i possessed, her comments alone back than showed me how the ex couldnt do anything like that ...she liked a hands on guy etc...someone who knew what he was doing when something needed fixing...she also told her friend that the bedroom experience with me was simple intense and amazing....but yet when the officialness came for us, she freaked and, explained she wasnt ready to be serious with anyone....i also got the i dont want to have my cake and eat it to,followed by me asking if it wasnt for the past would you be seriously into me than and she said yes...all these somethings i questioned later on to myself about how it seemed she wanted to let go of me, for the sake of the ex, and not keep me around as a bang buddy...makes sense no? But what happens when the ex thing doesnt work like it hasnt for the 4 chances they've already had...? So why the sudden change of heart? Can the ex really make someone change the mind about something so great that they never experienced before? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 it wasnt her ex, stop trying to blame someone for what is, simply, a relationship that didnt pan out. he didnt force her to do anything she didnt want to do, perhaps you just werent as compatible as you thought. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 seems to me like she was confused, she was the one who told me we should be together, than took it back...told me the ex was emailing her, got her all weird inside again...could be it panned out, but wouldnt make sense for her to tell me that if it wasnt for the past she would want me to be the one to be serious with... And what if i do find out she is into the ex again, does that mean it still didnt pan out with me or that he messed her head up for wanting to be serious with me...made her think that he was gonna change, screwed with her..it worked for her when she was trying to get over him, i was the solution, would you say that their relationship didnt pan out bc i didnt make her do anything she didnt want... I mean round and round we go...to be honest i think she has some issues to come to terms with, (her growing up was all about drama, maybe thats all she knows) and me being the stable person up until now lol she freaked... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 May I ask how old you guys are? IF she is back with the ex (and this is going to sound reall harsh) it seems to me that you were her back-up, her rebound... that she never REALLY intended being serious with you, despite what she may have said. Link to comment
mikeca Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 If you wanna know something, I can gurantee you she felt the same thing your feeling now, when I was in NC I'd full on ignore her when she came into my workplace, and when we got back together she told me it drove her nuts. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 Eva, Im actually 26 she is 23....ive thought the same things though like me being a rebound, its possible...she did love the sex, ...would that make someone come back though???? I think in time if things go sour else where it could be a factor, as well as me being the one who was different in many ways from the average joe...but thats positive thinking for now.... Just wanna know really if anyone thinks its as hard for her as it is for me right now thats all...to think she doesn't care anymore and is doing all this out of spite or whatever would be harsh and would make no sense as to why she would do anything with me ever..... Thanks Mike, i agree there has to be some kind of weirdness going on for her.... And for those really interested in the details, her commitment issues might stem way back to the days of her not having family, or relationships that resembled nightmares (long term and one day she realized just friends out of no where, short term with a guy who didn't know the answer no, and most recent -someone who threatened her alot when things were bad, one who possible roughed her up at times, but he also took her alot of places/did alot of things with her, ...but ultimately never really care to much about the relationship ...Than me..which i liked to think defied all the others with my friendship/closeness and ability to talk with her through her issues and taking her places and having every nite and sometimes day end with the that intense intimacy...I know all these things because remember i started out as a friend.... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I dont understand why you are such a glutton for punishment. You would really take someone back who obviously regards you as a second choice? Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 Def not but being someone who has never delt with rejection i find it so hard to deal with the fact that she can get over on me and possibly move on with her ex again and think nothing is wrong with that...Knowing that i was with her when he left her the 2x's i thought she would know better than to put me into that mess to begin with...and with her history with me when NC goes full blown she comes running back, or usually when the drama unfolds with the ex...but that was when things were different...i think.....anyway just like she says to me randomly i cant be serious with anyone right now, i want that opportunity to say something to her to make her realize something ...idk does that sound stupid....i mean NC is prob the best way to get my anger out...and it will also make or break her in weeks/months to come.... I guess i just feel let down on the whole situation...i put myself out there for someone above and beyound anything ive ever done with anyone, and this is the end result..with her feeding me the i love you's and the lets just get married's along the way..how do you say that to someone and take it all back...wow... Link to comment
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