It ended...any point asking for another chance.

[darkpumpkin]

Well it finally ended. My 5 month relationship ended and fact is he wanted it to for awhile. He says the spark is gone and that he doesn't see it coming back. He told me he still loves me and wants me but there is nothing underneath it all. A part of me believes he will miss me in a while and want to be with me after some space apart. I sent him a text msg the day we broke up asking for him to not to give up on me. He never wrote back. I want to know the best way to ask him if he thinks a break will help and if he wants to see if after the break it would work. Please let me know if I should just move on let him know. I don't really want to call him so if I do talk to him it will be in email or text msg.

[Beec]

I would recommend not asking.

 

If you want him back, then you should think about what would make him want to come back, and do that.

 

I've gotten back together with numeruous exes. The conversation never really helped. When we both wanted it, one of us made a move, and it happened. When one of us didn't, the conversation made it less likely.

[JoeWho]

The best thing for you to do is just move on with your life. Maybe with some time he will want you back and maybe he wont, but either way the best thing for you to do is to move on with your life. Look forward not back.

[kellbell]

Hey there DarkPumpkin,

 

I am so sorry things did not work out. I am afraid that there is not much you can do at this point, he mentioned his feelings have gone, there is nothing underneath the surface. Unfortunately, we cannot force another to feel something.

 

Maybe he will realize what he is missing and want to give things another try but at this point, I would leave him be and let him sort this out on his own.

 

Hang in there okay?

 

(((hugs)))

[darkpumpkin]

With that text I guess I told him that I would be open to it if he wanted it. I'm kind of numb. I knew this was going to end for awhile. What made me really mad was that he didn't want to be the "bad guy" so he never told me when he stopped feeling that way about me. Why do guys do this? The passive break up with me so I dont' have to do it thing.

[kellbell]

This is IMO why it is hard to end a relationship. The dumper knows he/she is not "feeling it" anymore but goes through the motions, perhaps hoping things would go back to normal and when they don't, he/she has a hard time ending it. His reasons unfortunately are very common as to why he carried on.

 

Again, I am so sorry.

[darkpumpkin]

One more question. What do you think the possibility of him coming back is if he said "some days I love you so much and am very happy and other days wish you would just go away". I know it doesn't matter. And truth be told I'm not as devestated because well I knew it was going to happen. I will mantain N/C but what's your guys opinion on that little sentance.

[kellbell]

"What do you think the possibility of him coming back is if he said "some days I love you so much and am very happy and other days wish you would just go away"."

 

To me, that sentence means you two did not get to know one another very well. It sounds like an infacutation statement. Some days couples have a hard time and want to be alone but they still love one another. The fact he grouped the love part and wanting you to go away seems like you both did not have a great bond and the friendship foundation was just not there. Like couples can be mad one another, be furious with one another, but they still love each other.

 

It just seems he was not into the relationship as much as you were (are) based on that statement. I am so sorry.

[darkpumpkin]

Yes unfortunately that is the truth. Bah I hate being alone.

[blender]

Well the real healing and the real fulfilling relationships usually come into your life once you are "okay and happy" on your own first.. so although you are "afraid to be alone".... this heartache can grow into an opportunity for you to discover how strong, confident and happy you can be on your own...

 

He does not hold the key to your validation or happiness, only YOU hold that key...and right now you are in that "anxiety/panic" phase where you think you have to "do something".. but the fact is it's much more powerful to do NOTHING towards him right now, because the more you reach out to him, the further he'll pull away. It's about self respect and also respecting it was difficult for him to "tell you the truth"...because it's painfully difficult to hurt someone, and for right now it's best for you to maintain no contact just one day at a time, cry, breathe, write on here, cry again, go for a walk, take a deep breath and say to yourself: "I am not interested in a man who is not willingly and intentionally making an effort to be in MY life, and I will be okay, I will be even better, I have the courage to "accept" what this is for today and I have the strength to believe in myself, love myself, and celebrate ME".

[zippitt]

Sorry for the pain darkpumpkin

 

It's sad these things happen, but it happens to both sexes. In fact I'm going through a situation almost identical to yours. The loneliness sucks and every little thing seems to trigger memories and emotions. I found the best thing for myself is to just think positive, the furture, and focus on being happy. I find something that I can do that had no relation to my ex. For me I watched a bunch of Family Guy episodes. It was great to do, although the thoughts come back right after the cartoons were over. But it's an example of moving in the right direction.

[darkpumpkin]

See what I don't understand is how something that clicked so right at first dies so quickly. When we first met there were emotional sparks. No so much physical sparks but emotional ones. We thought we would marry each other then the fighting started and it slowly put out the spark that was there. I just don't understand why at his age he wouldn't want to try and work it out.

[zippitt]

Well you may never understand or get the answer, half the time the people making the decisions don't know themselves, they may feel things are just off or don't feel it's worth pursuing. I know it sucks, trust me...

 

My girlfriend was the one pushing for the bf/gf status, and was the one that declared her love for me. Then within a 2 week period she claimed all the romance was gone and she was too stressed and didn't have time for me. Here I am, wondering what the hell happened, with no true explanation.

 

Honestly what is best is just to do NC and move on, stop thinking about what you did wrong. Be happy these problems surfaced early on instead of much later where things would have been worse. Just don't beat yourself up for it. I know the longing sucks, men and women all feel the same in this respect. I could write about it all day.

[blender]

ZIPPITT, is giving you some sound advice, it's so true that it's usually not something we can "understand" but it is something we have to "accept"... and for whatever reason, things that start "fast with chemistry, emotional or physical" sometimes fade just as fast... it's just the way it is sometimes, so do NOT take it "personally"... you did the best you could at any given moment, and life has so many ups/downs, joys and challenges, and YOU want and deserve a man who is willing to go on this journey with you in an intentionally loving, committed way, and if he "can not do so".. then the FACT is YOU are better off..on your own, regaining your self confidence, your independence, learning from all of this, and moving onward and upward.. the best is ahead of you, not behind you.. and yes, it hurts like hell for awhile, but these sad feelings will pass in time, and the real healing starts with "acceptance"...

[RayKay]

See what I don't understand is how something that clicked so right at first dies so quickly. When we first met there were emotional sparks. No so much physical sparks but emotional ones. We thought we would marry each other then the fighting started and it slowly put out the spark that was there. I just don't understand why at his age he wouldn't want to try and work it out.

 

Because sometimes when it is so early on, and it feels that "negative" already, it does not seem worth it to "force it".

 

I know you said everything "clicked" early on, but you were also having communication issues from the near beginning, and already in counselling, and everything before even three months were up....

 

It is not about his age, but about his own expectations and desires in a relationship. Early on when you are riding high on the honeymoon feelings, it is easier to make promises and share expectations together...it is when you still make those promises and share those goals when time has gone on that they really count.

 

Sure, love is not "easy", life is not "easy", but when there is that much fighting and issues so early on, no matter what age someone is, does not mean they are going to "battle through no matter what".

[hurtnurse]

I see a lot of similarities to a situation I find myself in. I had been up and down with a girl much like he said he loved you and then needed to get away. I tried to have too much contact because I felt like I always had some great new revelation to share with her that would magically bring our relationship back to where it was. Unfortunately, all I did was push her further away.

 

I still hope for another chance one day but have finally realized that like everyone else keeps saying...no contact is really the best thing you can do for yourself if you hope to have another chance. The memories and feelings you two had for one another have not disappeared, they are just misplaced for the time being. If they are strong enough in his mind, they will resurface and he will call you.

 

Staying busy is the best thing to do. Time is a great healer but in situations like this, the days seem to last forever. By keeping yourself occupied, things will get easier.

 

Your situation is a sucky one, especially because there seem to be no answers. But keep your head up and focus on the person you are and remember all the good things that you used to do that made him fall for you in the first place. That is a great person that if he doesn't see, the right person certainly will.