I want to break up...help me!!

[BrokenHeart82]

After doing some self evaluation and asking two close friends for advice I think i need to end my almost 3 month relationship with my boyfriend.

 

We have a 40 minute distance, he has only commuted to see me twice. Whereas he asks and I comply to come down during the week, waking early and driving 90 minutes to work, he couldnt fathom and isnt willing to come my way, wake in the morning from my place and drive 45 minutes to work.

 

We talk about him alot, i listen attentively..but when i talk he usually rolls his eyes or puts down my conversation. While ive listened at nauseam about his work woes, the other night i started to tell him of one of mine, he interrrupted midway..i listened and then said "oh but back to what i was saying.." and he said "I dont need to hear you complain about work anymore."

 

FInally over the weekend, he was supposed to drive to see me for the first time in months, he weasled out of it saying a couple we like to hang out with wanted to see us. I complied...and then when i get there he says they are going somewhere 25 minutes away and we can go if i drive (after I just drove 45 minutes to see him!)

 

The girl in the couple really wants me to be there so i drive him and i to this bar. An hour in he turns his back to me, drinks his beer and stares at an attractive blonde while nodding and sharing comments with the other two guys who are there about her "hotness".

 

He cant fathom why id be upset about this..i feel it was crossing the line..it crushed me..it made me feel like he had no respect for me and when i brought this up he wouldnt apologize..not for doing it OR for hurting my feelings. I then said "im not even mad anymore, can u just be a little sweet to me right now to make me feel better" and he said "no im not kissing youre a**"

 

He said that him doing that in front of me means he is open and honest and that it means he wouldnt cheat behind my back...in my eyes its not made me question his integrity and i think if he would do this in front of me, what does he do or what would he do if im not right there?

 

I think he is a very selfish and critical M..he doesnt respect me..and I want out of this relationship but not sure what to do??

 

He texted me several times yesterday and has been sweet as pie but it doesnt take away the sting of his actions and the deep bruising that he hurt me and then rolled over and slept without comforting me.

[chai714]

First and foremost, I think that he lacks consideration. It seems as if he doesn't care as much about you as you do him. You driving 45 minutes and them him not doing anything to show any kind of appreciation or reciprocation makes me think he really doesn't care or takes you for granted.

 

Men will gawk at women especially when in groups but all men know that's a no-no in the presense of your woman. He's only visited you twice in 3 months, expects you to drive after you've driven to his place then gawks at women while you're out. I say his 3 months is up and would have to agree with leaving him.

[BrokenHeart82]

People look..we're only human! But most people over the age of 18 have learned the art of being somewhat discreet...but to stare and comment in FRONT of me...after id driven him there and after driving 45 minutes made me feel like trash.

 

The next day and since then hes been trying to be sweet but ive ignored him, trying to gather my thoughts on this.

 

Im an attractive woman, ive been asked out WHILE with him...but turned it down as thats how i am.

 

But youre right...the problem is he just didnt care to be discreet..the other guy with a GF was doing the same thing and you could see she was as hurt as I was...its like they were showing off for eachother...but still when i asked and brought up the discreet thing he actually said "No im not going to be discreet..if i see ahot girl im going to look..if there wasa hot guy i wouldnt care if you looked"

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I have been with a guy that behaved in a very similar way. He was cancelling on me all the time after a month of dating, staring at big boobed- ladies (yeah, I am skinny-boobed lol).... etc. You don't need that, and probably he's just to much of a coward to tell you he's just not that into you. So take the opportunity to tell him that you are not into this relationship anymore and see no point of continuing it.

 

You can be much happier than this !

 

Arwen

[BrokenHeart82]

The only thing is (because thats been my thought too!)

 

He makes plans with me weeks in advance..to hang out with his friends or to have dinner with his family..or to go to events with him and his family...and makes comments about "us" this summer,etc...

 

I think he is just a very selfish man more then anything and thinks whatever he does should be acceptable and hes completely uninterested in others or their feelings.

 

SO the question is how do I end it? I mean to see him would mean me making yet another 40 minutes drive....so email? phone? text?

 

And what is the best thing to say to make it quick and concise, giving him no room to argue?

[arwen]

I think that despite of the fact that he has treated you with little respect, it's best to do it face to face. I did it over the phone but it was spontaneous. It was an angry break up, I was being cancelled on once again so I said enough was enough and that he didn't need to call me anymore. But after a week I sent him an email just saying 'talk?'. He then came over the same night and we talked things over. Turned out he was just not that into me but was scared to say so.

 

I think that convo really made things a lot less painful than it could have been if I just had stayed angry.

 

Arwen