Jump to content

Help me - stuck between two places *long post* *need help*

Recommended Posts

Hi al this is my first post, and to commemorate the occasion I've changed my standard forum names from Sharky (used on gaming forums) to DurandaPanda (combination of surname and nick name). Anyway with that out of the way let the problems begin:


Im in the last year of high school. I dont know what thats called in America, but over here in Australia its called Year 12 (ie people in the year are aged (or turning sometime in 2007) 17).


I've never had problems talking to girls or getting them to laugh. About half of my close friends are girls. My three closest friends in the world are Sam, Katherine, and Susan (using alias names, because the whole of our year found out that one of my mates was gay (literally) because they put his name into a search engine, and I would like to avoid that). We've been this tight knit group since year 10 (2005), for example whenever one has a birthday party its just the other 3 invited.


Last November, upon the end of Year 11, I asked Katherine if she'd like to 'go out' as I'd been having feelings for her for some time. Much to my surprise she said yes. It took me by surprise because I thought she was going to go down the 'close friends shouldn't go out' path. So we went out to see a few movies, and had our first kiss at Susan's birthday party. So anyway, school started again on the 31st of January, and fom what Susan had told me Kath was having doubts as to whether our relationship would work at school.


So the last 5 weeks I haven't had a chance to be with Katherine outside school, but in school her manner is exactly as it was when we weren't going out, which bothered me at first because I wanted to express how much she meant to me (no, this is not the point of this thread), but doesnt bother me so much anymore (your about to find out why).


In year 10, when we'd all first met, I was insanely mad for Susan... which sort of curtailed when she said she wanted be friends not go out (which, dont get me wrong, was completely fine), and thus a great friendship blossomed. Anyway, recently I've been becoming more and more ostracised from Katherine emotionally and closer and closer to Susan.


So last Thursday Katherine kept bringing up my ex in conversation (she'd help set me up with this other [older] girl), and then showed me a txt message she got from HER ex (some guy I've never met who went out with her about a year ago) asking if she still liked him in "any way".


Later that day it was time for me to go home. Because I only take 5 subjects (instead of 6) it meant that I got to go home at one-ish (lunch). So as soon as my last class finished I called mum, because she was picking me up that day (no license yet ). Anyway, she said that she woul be about another 20 - 30 minutes, so I went to hang around in our Year 12 common room (read: communal huddling shack, or room/hall all the 12's reside in) with my mates until the time came for me to go. So I waited ther for about 15 minutes, said my goodbyes, grabbed my bag, and got up to go. I hadn't seen Katherine this entire time as she was at the coffee shop buying something, or waiting in line to buy something (this becomes mildly important later). So I got up to go and Susan was standing there, and wanted to go with me. I thought "ok, fair enough, I'll have some company" and off we went.


This is where things get strange. I was going to wait out the front of the library as that's the car park that I get picked up from, adn the library is pretty much the entire way accross the school from our common room, and ti was a cold cold drizzly day. So we're walking to the library, and the only way I can describe how we walked is with her ENSCONCED on me (leaning, nuzzling, however you want to put it). We get to the library and im standing there and shes still leaning, ensconced, nuzzling. But it has to be said that so far this ISNT out of the ordinary for Susan's usual behaviour. So she says "we should do this more often" and I replied something like "Oh yeah, huddling together for cold infront of a library, sounds great [/sarcasm (not mean sarcasm mind you]". So she laughs, snuggles closer and says "But I'm not cold"


So by now I'm beginning to become a little suspicious. Just a little. So we're huddling there making insignificant small chat and she comes out with "Do you ever think about what it might have been like if we'd have gone out?", which it has to be said kinda caught me on the spot. I asked her if she ever did, and she said "Pretty much all the time", so I said "likewise". So a few more minutes and more small talk passes, and she says "I wonder what Katherine thinks happened to us (because we hadn't seen her all lunch)", so I gave my standard answer to that kind of question (the answer I give to anyone): "She thinks we've run off into the sunset to elope", and Susan laughed. I said "Except this isn't a sunset, we're not running, we're not eloping, and we're not kissing", and she replied... "YET".


Yeah, those threes words shattered any kind of resolve I had left. So after that its been pretty much the same, ignored by Katherine pretty much completely in the regard of 'going out', and being given an undue (but not unwelcome) amount of attention from Susan.


So I'm stuck. As far as I can tell Katherine wants to go back to being just friends, which is completely fine if thats what she wants. And I know how I feel about Susan, which is that I'm open to whatever she's open to... but I don't want to handle this in an insensitive fashion (I mean, they ARE best friends, twould be like something out of a daytime soap opera if I did anything drastic). I would like to get all of this out of the way sometime in the next fortnight as well because it's beginning to take up more time in my life thinking about it than it really should...


Thanks in advance, DurandaPanda


PS Geez its hard writing extended like that using aliases, because I kept writing their real names and had to keep going back...


PPS Please dont mistake this for a "how to dump my gf and hook up with someone else thread..." I'm just looking for guidance

Link to comment

Answer then then first, do you want to go with Susan? If you do and you and Katherine aren't really much talking right now, then be easy about it. See if you can't get things resolved with you and Katherine first, before anything happens betwee you and Susan. It can be bad to have things unresolved between you two, if something is to happen between you and Susan. Take time to think about how you want to resolve things and then do it. I am sure once this sticky situation is done, then you will enter a good relationship. I suggest a good start would be try to talk to Katherine, even if she is unwilling or won't listen to what you have to say, then try to talk with her anyways...it might help.

Link to comment

You've got something here! Women like a man who can be either friends or lovers. It shows them that he is confident in himself. Susan didn't need you as a lover when you first met. To her surprise, you took this in stride and became a good friend.


Flash forward...now Susan sees you as dating Katherine, and in her eyes, you have become a romantic object! You are know wavering between Dating Material and Friend Zone.


And you are NOT being insensitive. Their relationship is for them to hammer out. You need to keep the mild suggestions up with Susan. This looks like confidence to her which appeals to women. Katherine has tried it with you, but seems to have had problems making that switch in her head that Susan is making.


After a date or two, Susan may want to stay friends..but I'm thinking that all of you are mature enough to be able to make this transition with only a few hurt feelings. But I'm thinking that if you play your cards right, you and Susan may be able to develop something that you both will enjoy for a long time!


Good luck dude!

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...