How do I know when to pay for my date?

[emit_remmus]

For example, a movie date. I'm not even picking her up, we're meeting there. I'm guessing its going dutch?

[Batya33]

If you asked, you pay.

[blender]

yes, if YOU consider this a date, or hope to date her, then pay for her ticket as well, get there early and pick up two tickets, and have it ready to hand her when she shows up, and then ask her if she'd like any popcorn etc... this is the classy thing to do.. and as Batya33 said, especially if you asked..then it's your treat.

[emit_remmus]

Thanks guys. Lovin the ideas.

[Hope75]

I think it's nice to assume that you will treat, and then if she does the "reach", decide in advance if you will accept the money or not. I know I have always come prepared to pay my way, and even now, I do the "reach", and it all depends on the day/financial week as to whether my bf accepts or not. And I try to treat him as often as possible too, since it's nice to be able to go both ways.

[Batya33]

yes, if YOU consider this a date, or hope to date her, then pay for her ticket as well, get there early and pick up two tickets, and have it ready to hand her when she shows up, and then ask her if she'd like any popcorn etc... this is the classy thing to do.. and as Batya33 said, especially if you asked..then it's your treat.

 

And don't do the following (from a real date I had in Spring 2005)

 

We sit down. I get up to go use the ladies room prior to the movie starting. He says "oh! are you getting popcorn??" I say "no I wasn't going to but if you would like some I'll get some for us, ok?" He says "well only if you're going to have some." He doesn't offer me money. I go and get the popcorn. I return. I hand it to him - he takes it silently - without saying thank you and without offering to pay for it". He then proceeds to eat it all. Nice.

[omayra]

i think a guy should always pay not the girl i mean cum on lol

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I'm struggling with this also. I went on a date Saturday and he paid for everything. I was so nervous and caught in the moment that I forgot to do the reach. Even though I came prepared to pay for myself. Dangit!

 

And it was expensive. Some of this is wondering whether I am worth someone spending that much on me. I guess another thing is why am I so worried about it? It's his money and he's a grown up.

 

I think it's because I don't want to screw it up lol.

[blender]

phrecklesrsexy, do NOT feel like you are not worth it, of course you are, and a man will treat you better if you know, feel and understand you are worthy of man who asks you out, and then does the right thing by paying for the evening, it's good that you didn't "do the reach" and offer to pay, you might have insulted him and yourself. He asked you out, he's a grown man, and I'm guessing he's not saying he's in any financial trouble..right?

 

Relax, enjoy his company, thank him and be the wonderful company that YOU are, you can not "screw it up" if you stop worrying about "screwing it up"... just be sincere, honest, kind, be yourself.. your confident self.

[MrCrazy2u]

Personally I get insulted when a woman does "the reach" or offers to pay her portion. Women never pay for anything when they're with me. It doesn't matter if they're just friends or we're going on a date. The only time I'm ok with a girl paying for the meal or her portion is if it's stated ahead of time, like when we make the initial plans... otherwise, for me, it's a given that I'm paying for it.

[stark]

Wow, I'm amazed that guys are so gullible as to still be paying for woman's time/attention. Maybe its different over in the UK, but I never pay for dates, its 50/50 all the way. In fact if a woman expected me to pay then I wouldn't even consider her as dating material.

[methuselah]

As a policy, I NEVER pay for the woman on the first date. Sometimes second, sometimes third I will start buying drinks. Splitting the bill is fine. If things start to get more cozy, that's when I feel comfortable with paying for it all.

 

Don't let women use you for a money machine.

[MrCrazy2u]

I have yet to date or make friends with the kind of women who use men for their money so I haven't run into that yet.

[blender]

yes, it all depends on the kind of person you are, and the kind of person your date is... it's all about preferance, as a woman I can only tell you if a man asked me out on a date and then asked me to split the bill, I wouldn't find that attractive, classy, or respectful..but that's just my feeling, that is what is right for me, but to each his own... because I do have female friends who do "split the bill with thier dates"...

 

but for me, I wouldn't do so, especially if the man asked for the date. To me it's like telling someone "I'm inviting you to a dinner party at my house, but please bring your own food, plate, and napkin, that is "if" you want to eat, otherwise I'm not interested in having you over at my place".

 

I don't get why a guy would ask a woman out and expect to split the bill, but I know it happens everyday and for some women it's something that they have no problem with.. But I'm not the type who would find this "attractive or respectful"...and I don't mean I want an "expensive" dinner, but that a man would ask you out to a place that is "within his means', and if the guy can only afford McDonalds, then asked me out to dinner there, because it's all he could "afford".. I would respect that way more than a man who would ask me out to a "nicer type place" and then ask that I split the bill... you know what I mean? Just my thoughts...

[ghost69]

don't ever pay. pay your half.

[emit_remmus]

I bought both tickets.

[MushroomGod]

I'm with ghost, everything in a relationship should be equal right?

[emit_remmus]

All of it is good advice, but it really depends on the situation and how and when to use the advice. I'm not going to follow it word for word because thats how I ended up in a crappy apartment.

[Batya33]

If a man asked me out for a first date, planned where we were to go and did not offer to pay, that would be the last date unless he left his wallet home, or some similar emergency. I don't count first meets through on line as a first date but I still think the man should at least offer to pay particularly if we just meet for coffee.

 

I do not believe in splitting the costs for the first few dates in the name of "equality." I'm not a feminist and believe in equal pay for equal work and equal treatment in the workplace regardless of race or gender or religion, etc but dating is what I do in my private life and doesn't involve compensation issues, production issues, etc. Apples and oranges.

[MushroomGod]

If a man asked me out for a first date, planned where we were to go and did not offer to pay, that would be the last date unless he left his wallet home, or some similar emergency. I don't count first meets through on line as a first date but I still think the man should at least offer to pay particularly if we just meet for coffee.

 

I do not believe in splitting the costs for the first few dates in the name of "equality." I'm not a feminist and believe in equal pay for equal work and equal treatment in the workplace regardless of race or gender or religion, etc but dating is what I do in my private life and doesn't involve compensation issues, production issues, etc. Apples and oranges.

 

I agree first dates should alway be payed by the person that initiated the date. That's why coffee and one of two drinks is what I always suggest.

 

We just want him not to buy her affections. I do, however, that there shouldn't be one person paying for everything in a relationship.

 

There's nothing wrong with her taking him out after he took her right?

[Batya33]

Typically, when I say that I think a man should offer to pay for the first few dates a typical response for some odd reason is "the man shouldn't pay for everything." Of course he shouldn't - neither should the woman - never said that, don't believe it. Typically I offer to pay my way on a first date and always offer for the second date and beyond. After the first few dates, if we are dating regularly, I believe in taking turns because splitting the bill seems so impersonal to me.

 

A man who buys me dinner is not buying my affections - it's a lovely gesture one which I intend to reciprocate if we continue dating. I can buy my own dinner - and his if I do the asking - and much prefer to buy my own dinner than to let a man buy my affections or go to dinner with a man I'm not interested in dating.

[Daddy Bear]

Don't let women use you for a money machine.

True that! If I knew a woman had been on dozens and dozens of first dates in the recent past and hadn't spent a dime, she wouldn't get a second look. There's a word for that: golddigger.

[Batya33]

But if they're all first dates, what would it matter if the men had insisted on treating? It's not like by paying on some of the dates it would have made a difference to the other men? If she's being asked out on dozens of first dates and none of them turn out to be her type, then I don't see anything wrong with that - that does not make her a gold digger.

[melrich]

It's not like by paying on some of the dates it would have made a difference to the other men? If she's being asked out on dozens of first dates and none of them turn out to be her type, then I don't see anything wrong with that

 

I think what is being said, that if the male paying on first date is an accepted norm, there are women out there who may do nothing but go on first dates. Would never have any intention of taking things beyond a point in time that they are asked to start sharing the cost (whether that be 1st, 2nd or 10th date).

 

And if it is the male who has to have 15 or 20 dates before he finds someone he can have a longer relationship with...well then it becomes quite expensive.

[Daddy Bear]

But if they're all first dates, what would it matter if the men had insisted on treating? It's not like by paying on some of the dates it would have made a difference to the other men? If she's being asked out on dozens of first dates and none of them turn out to be her type, then I don't see anything wrong with that - that does not make her a gold digger.

It would depend on how many dozens we're talking about. Two dozen in a year: I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Ten dozen: that's just taking advantage of others' generosity, and one step away from thievery. Nobody finds that many real potential partners in that span of time; I would find it distasteful, disreputable and scandalous, and give her a serious pass.