Roommate and Pessimism

[MasterT]

To cut a long story short, about a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me. This lead me into a deep depression, that I've been pulling myself out of thanks to the help of people here at ENA. I've made a lot of changes in myself in order to feel better about myself, and people have noticed.

 

But not everyone seems to be as happy for me as I would of hoped. I have a roommate who seems to take every opportunity now to tear me down ever since I started changing myself for the better and started doing new things. He's always making comments about how my ex will never come back to me, and how I'm going crazy (get this, he said I have a case of mania, just because I've started feeling happier each day as I pull out of my depression and change my outlook on life)...

 

The thing is though the changes I've made were needed. I needed to start going out more and doing more things, so I've stopped sitting in front of the computer all day long because I knew that it wasn't healthy. I've stopped watching every single episode of or watching movie because I want to do other things now rather than sit in front of the TV. He always is getting pissed off now because I've stopped doing these things, stopped putting up with his jokes (which are more insulting than funny), and overall have stopped doing things he wants to do.

 

He's the only one who makes those comments though. My other roommates who see me just as much are happy for me, and my buddies from home are welcoming the new changes, as well as, my parents who have told me myself "Wow. You've changed so much for the better".

 

In general I'm asking what should I do? I'm really sick and tired of dealing with him. I'm trying to pull myself out of my sadness, but he seems to get sport in putting myself back in it.

[DN]

Just smile and say "thanks for your kind thoughts" and put him and his negativity out of your mind.

 

He is annoying you because you allow him to. If you refuse to allow his comments to annoy you then you have empowered yourself.

[MasterT]

True, but I need to get past a certain "critical mass" of strength before I can push his words away. I have gotten strong enough to push away most of them, but there are still some that I need some more time before I can be strong enough to endure without issue.

 

I just need him to shut up for a week or so... Then I think I'll be alright.

[DN]

I think you already have that strength. It never really left you.

 

Make the decision and stick by it. Instead of letting it bother you - try laughing at him.

 

Another thing to remember is that he does it because he is probably a sad person himself deep inside and needs company. But you don't have to let him drag you down with him.

[MasterT]

I had suspected he was a sad person inside, because after talking to him the other day he revealed to me (indirectly), that he has no self-esteem when it comes to the opposite sex. I just needed to hear it from someone else before I could be entirely certain that my theory was correct.

 

You may be right DN... Next time he does that I'm going to be stronger. Thanks.

[agent1607307371]

Misery does love company.

 

You getting your stuff together is probably just highlighting to him all the bad things in his own life,making him feel pathetic.

 

Just tell him that if he has nothing positive to say to you, to not say anything at all. When he can be civilised, you'll listen.

[browneyedgirl36]

It sounds to me as if this guy is generally an unhappy person, and he's envious of the recent changes you've made in your attitude and perspective. When you were down, you were *with* him, but now that you've moved on and are working toward bettering your situation, you're leaving him behind, in a sense, and he feels *alone* in his misery. I also wonder if perhaps he feels some guilt/shame at the fact that he sees you happy and KNOWS that he COULD improve his attitude if he would only try, but he doesn't want to put forth the effort to do so.

 

It took me a long time to realize that, in many ways, it's infinitely easier to wallow in one's misery than it is to improve one's life. Making improvements requires energy, time, determination, commitment, and at least some degree of self-love. For some, it's just easier to be unhappy than it is to take steps toward significant personal growth/change.

 

I applaud your recent efforts to improve yourself and your attitude, and I encourage you NOT to let your roommate's unhappiness bring you down. When he starts in with the unkind comments and "jokes" at your expense, you might confront him -- calmly but firmly -- by saying something along these lines: "Thanks for your concern, but I'm actually doing really well. I'm wondering, though, about how you're doing, because lately you have been making some really critical comments and jokes at my expense. I'm not going to take your comments personally, because I think that maybe you have something going on right now in your life that is causing you to say these things; is that true? If so, I'd be happy to try to help you in any way that I can."

 

I really think that the guy is unhappy, and maybe he'll confide in you if you approach him the right way. Or, he might get defensive and try to turn it around on you. If he says there's nothing wrong and tries to turn the conversation back on you, you might just say "Well, , I'm sorry you feel that way, but as I said earlier, I'm doing really well. I'm on a good path, I've worked hard to get here, and I'm not going to let your comments get me down." Be calm, of course, since you have to live with this guy, but be firm as well.

 

Again, I applaud you on your recent changes, and wish you the best.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Consider getting a new room-mate when next possible. Can be hard, but it's worth it to not live in a negative environment, and people like this can and will pull you down with them.