It's hard to keep fighting myself

[fox_91]

I started talking to this girl in November, we met online and at the time I was 4 or 5 months out of my first relationship of about 3 years, and she was about a month out of hers for at least a year or 2. She seemed very happy to be talking to me, and I go watch her bowl once a week. When we first started to talk i would go see her at her part time job, now she has a full time, and I can't see her at work really due to her responsibilitys, but i do see her bowl weekly. Other than that, it is hard to get to see her due to her school and job, but She has told me that it isn't because she doesn't want to. So Other than the bowling i will probably see her once or twice a month out of that.

 

So I have been talking with her for 5 months now almost, anyone else that i got to know between that time hasn't worked, because i just felt like she was someone i wanted to stick with. But as you could proably imagine, it can be wanning at times. She isn't ready for a realtionship, she wants to be friends first and get to know me, but the catch is that it is hard to be with her more than at bowling due to the courses and her job. She knows that I am ready to commit to her and she says she feels bad that she can't just say yes yet. I find it rather tough to be in this position, I would love to hang out all the time with her and get to know her more but its just not somthign that happens a lot.

 

Sometimes i feel like i am spinning my wheels, but there are times when it is worth it. Her birthday was right around valentines, so i got her a small gift which she liked. and most nights i see her i get a kiss or 2. I just don't know how i should proceed. I'm not really happy single, and only having a part time job while in grad school, makes it tougher to keep my mind occupied. And at times i wonder if it is worth the time, she has been a little flaky sometimes, but she does work a stressful job, and i know sometimes you just dont' want to do anything after work, its annoying, but i don't want to jump down her throat for it.

 

Maybe i need a fresh perspective, any ideas?

 

thx

[lessy20]

Well I know what it feels like to be really busy like that (i work 2 jobs and go to school full time) but I know if I'm really interested in a guy, no matter how tired I am, I can always make time to see them. If I were you, I think I might start looking elsewhere so you don't waste anymore time sitting back waiting to see if she will eventually make time for you. It seems at the least she could see you once a week, if she was interested in being in a relationship with you.

[fox_91]

I did bring that fact up at one point, where i would make the effort regardless, I know she has migraines at times, so eh. We did talk one day not long ago, she sometimes brings up the statement "You will probably walk before I am ready" so i asked her "do you want me to walk?" she replied "no". Don't know if it means much, but I think she cares, but how much weight does it carry?

[isisastaria]

She's keeping you on the side for her convenience. At least she's honest, though. Just see other people and don't focus so much on just her.

[heloladies21]

It's taking too long to develop and if she ain't with the program at this point, then she never will be. Best thing to do would be to get on the case with other girls as her indecision is actually her decision.

[fox_91]

well what is the average time frame for this kind of stuff? my first GF i knew thru school for my whole freshman year before i asked her sophomore year, so that was a entire year, and I saw her more. The thought of starting over, is just really bothersome... was really hoping to be thru this by now, not worrying about it.

[heloladies21]

If things haven't progressed within a month, then chances are that it won't happen. i don't know what to tell you about the friends route, because it doesn't make sense to me. I'm a decisive guy, if I like the way a girl looks, I make my move. If not, then I don't bother.

[Dating Coach]

Listen to Heloladies on this one brutha.

[ghost69]

this is taking waaaay too long.

[fox_91]

thanks for the input guys... its kinda odd now, getting alot of mixed suggestions. Some of my friends are suggesting me to be more unavaliable, ie not calling first and such. A couple are saying that the time thing isn't as big a deal because we did hang out more when she wasn't full-time school and work, but at the same token, when do things get better? And most people here seem to say kick her to the curb. Well right now i am doing a mixed approach. not calling and such, letting it go for a bit, and sending out some messages to new people. Who know what will happen now lol

[ghost69]

who cares what will happen now. if you are always worried about what will happen, nothing exciting will come your way.