Please Please Help!!!!

[xvicsx]

I need help and fast...ive been with my partner for 3 years now...ive got 5 kids to my previous marriage. When i met my partner i found out after a month he had slept with a man previous to us meeting and although this shocked me i got over it and put it down to experimenting...we have mentioned it a few times now and on one drunken night we got a bloke to come round so rich could do it again but involve me..i agreed as i was very curious as to why and if he wanted to do this...needless to say he did it and we talked about it and that was that, until now....i found a text on is phone so i rang thenumber to find out it was a man he had been talking to on a gay chat room, it was quite explicit saying he was going to meet and bring condoms with him...My partner said while i was at work he went on the chat room .. not to do anything but to find out if he was bi or not and had no plans of meeting anyone.. what am i meaant to do??? hes telling me he is definitely not bi or gay yet im left here on my own not knowing what to do... PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME

[isisastaria]

It's very plain and in your face. Your partner is at the very LEAST bi sexual. You should stop and think if this is okay with you. He isn't going to change. If you think you can believe him, you're in denial. This is the way he is. Are you willing to live with this? If not, get out now. You did know about this beforehand as well. I think it's wise to learn from that. And to learn from this entire situation.

[xvicsx]

its not about not being able to live with it as like i said i knew about this and accepted it.. its the doing things behind my back that i really cant cope with...what do i say to him...hes obviously as confused as i am. I feel like im being ripped apart as i just dont know what to say or think.

[heavensent101]

i think it's not even an issue of being gay or not.. he is doing things behind your back and that's enough not to trust him- get out while you can

[blender]

This is not about what he does or doesn't do, it's about what standards/values you desire in a relationship and it seems he does not "share these same standards/values"..

 

and it's time for YOU, to put you and your children first, and to let go of a man who is not capable of clearly knowing who he is right now.. he is most likely not being honest with himself, so how can he ever be honest with you? Set some standards/values for your own precious mind, heart and body, and do not choose to stay involved with a man who is "expermenting" while your heart, mind and body are not a priority in his life..... is this what you would want for your own children's future relationships? I don't think so.. take care of you and your children right now, this guy needs some therapy and it can not come from you.. he has to seek it out from a professional and get is life in order before he could ever be fully honest and available for another person..

[isisastaria]

Are you sure you're okay with this lifestyle in general? I don't think I would be. You two need to talk. In depth.

[xvicsx]

im not ok to be honest..im a mess

 

ive come from a very violent marriage which took me 5 years to leave him...

i dont understand why im letting myself get hurt or even why he wants to hurt me (although i dont think its intentional), im shaking as we speak..hes downstairs and seems to be just carrying on with things but im not sure what im doing...ive got my kids who are my number one priority over everything and my amazing job to consider. why am i so bloody gullable and where do i get the strenth from to tell him to go?

[blender]

You get that strength from your own TRUTH, this situation is not healthy or right for you or for your children, remain calm in your own truth, and make an emotional plan for yourself to ask this man to leave so that you may have time to figure out your own life... no need to ask him about this or that, his ACTIONS AND CHOICES OF BEHAVIOR are all the information you need to know that the RIGHT THING to do right now,

 

no matter how difficult is to ask him to leave. YOU'VE had the strength to get out of your previous horrible unhealthy marriage, you can be strong enough now to set some standards for your own heart, and life, especially for your children,

 

if they are indeed your priority, then use that TRUTH to give you the courage to ask him to leave... but have a plan first, make sure your bank accounts are secure, and your locks are changed, and you have a friend with you when you ask him to leave... yes, these are things you have to do in order to secure the financial safety of your own life, and the emotional long term safety of you and your children.

 

take one step at a time to be "pro-active and take control of your own life".. you will feel empowered by this, the heartache will subside, being at the mercy of this emotionally unhealthy man is not fair to do to yourself or your children.... he's dishonest, confused, untrustworthy, and it doesn't matter "why" he's this way, the fact is, he has revealed he IS this way..

 

so now gather up all your courage and make a plan for yourself, having "truth" as your guide... okay? Can you call a friend to help you with this plan?

[xvicsx]

yes im going to do this as realistically to ask him to leave right at this moment just would leave us in trouble, i feel like every bit of strength has been taken away from me and to be honest i dont even want to leave my bedroom. We live in a council property so i am going to speak to them about a move to somewhere near my family...im also going to speak to work to see if they can put me on child friendly shifts just for the moment..as i do definitely need a plan. Ive kept myself together even after all this with my ex husband as i couldnt break down because of the kids..but this time im scared as i can feel a slippery slide of emotions taking over me. Thankyou all very much for your help..its helped just to talk to people