Dating without Dating?

[MizzouFan1985]

I am dealing with a situation where I have developed feelings for a coworker, but because of our work situation, we cannot take it to the next level. However, we are very close emotionally, take lunch frequently (with me buying most of the time), do lots of fun stuff on work trips, and occasionally do stuff outside of the office at night (e.g dinner, drinks and a movie).

 

My friends say "you two are dating, without really dating." Quite honestly, we have not had an in-depth conversation about it, so I am not quite sure where I stand. However, she never calls me a friend or a brother, she never asks about other girls (or brings up guys), and neither of us date (even though we are both very eligible). My friends say that she is probably scared to talk about it because of her concern about taking to another level at this point (which really is a no-no). Does this "dating without dating" concept make sense?

[Hayles]

She may be afraid to bring it up in case it's not how you see it - nothing more embarrassing than 'assuming' that you guys are dating... bring it up with her, if it's what you want!!! If you're happy with the way it is - leave it!!!

 

Oh, where did the good old days of "will you go out with me, tick yes or no" letters go?! so much easier!!! hehe

[southerngirl]

If you have feelings for her just ask her out on a date.

 

You know, my parents dated and then secretly married. Their employer didnt know about it until my mom put in her two weeks notice and they told everyone. They had already been married a year at that point and no one at work had a clue. That was my mom and my step dad... they were married 20 years until she passed away.

[Hayles]

Oh wow, what a gorgeous story Southerngirl!!! That's reassuring really!

[addictedblue]

you can easily date without your work knowing. you already take lunch breaks together anyway. just don't be physically affectionate at work. seems like you guys got chemistry, ask her out again and make sure you say its a real date.

[Dating Coach]

I think you need to take the initiative and make sure you both know where you stand. And why are you buying her lunch if you are not her boyfriend? Do you buy everyone lunches or just her?

 

I'm not saying it isn't nice, nor that people shouldn't do nice things... but if you don't buy everyone lunches, and you are only buying her lunches, that means you are buying her lunches because you like her and want her to like you. If you guys aren't getting anywhere then you risk being taken for a ride and looking like a guy who can be used. A guy who can be used is not attractive to most girls so thereforeeee you could be counterproductive by doing this.

[TheFoglifter]

What specifically about your "work situation" prevents taking it to the next level? Is it company policy not to date, or are you her boss or something?

 

I agree its possible to keep the office in the dark, but if you are buying, she might just be taking you for a ride. Does she ever treat you? If not, then whether you like her or not, I don't think she is girlfriend material.

 

Don't lose your job over some selfish chick that isn't worth it in the end. Go out and see who else is out there before you even consider asking her how she feels. If you haven't declared that you are dating then you aren't dating. I know SHE won't see it that way (because she expects you to know everything without ever being told anything) but who cares.

 

You stand to lose way more than you stand to gain, while she is sitting pretty getting free lunches. She gets all the benefits of having a boyfriend (outings paid for, companionship, emotional support) without giving anything in return (no sex, she doesn't pay...). You can do better.

[Luke Skywalker]

I take people out from my office for lunch. Sometimes they pay for it or sometimes I pay for it. I'm single, they are also single too.

 

The reason I do it is to encourage myself to go out with girls, I've determined that I am not going to a Buffet alone. This leads to some confusion, because in one sense, it if I'm seeing more than one girl, or I see the girl with another guy, sometimes I may get weird feelings, or I may feel uncomfortable if the girl knows I'm taking another girl out for lunch.

[Dako]

I married a coworker, and no one knew for months.

We worked in an open room of a dozen people.

We had been dating for two years.

[ghost69]

i think you are kind of dating. you are doing friendly things though. don't read into it too much. you just enjoy each other's company.