Age, Experience and Commitment

[kate111]

What age do men feel ready to commit generally?

 

Does it just come down to whenever they meet the right person? Or do you get to a certain age and then want to "settle down" and fnd the nearest suitable person?

 

Do exes ever realise what they had in the past after they have shopped around and come back?

[splashdown]

What age do men feel ready to commit generally?

 

Probably around the Saturn Returns time...28-31, I think (I do not believe in astrology, but sometimes astrologers are good at pinning down human nature). That's about the time it happened for me. That is, I felt ready...it doesn't, of course, always work out.

 

Does it just come down to whenever they meet the right person? Or do you get to a certain age and then want to "settle down" and fnd the nearest suitable person?

 

I think you always want to meet the "right" person. But since there are so many almost "right" people, I think probably at some point you start to settle for less the perfect.

 

Do exes ever realise what they had in the past after they have shopped around and come back?

 

Sure. Of course. I imagine sometimes they realize that what they had in the past wasn't perfect perfect, but after awhile you realize you've been watching too many movies, and settle for "close enough".

[caro33]

From my limited experience and from what the men around me have said, I think 32 is a good age. There will always be exceptions: some guys are confirmed bachelors for life, others are real family types and want to settle down much sooner.

 

But for a culture-less urban guy who makes decent money and values his social life (my experience) the desire to settle down does not tend to hit until after 30. (I made these qualifications because I presume that ethnicity and cultural background may well make a difference, as well as location and socio-economic considerations).

[isisastaria]

NEVER> Kidding. Yeah, my fiancee is 27 and ALMOST there. I'll tell you what, tho....if he tries to draw out the time more...I'm gone! I'm aging quickly!

[Dako]

At risk of generalizing, I'd think the late twenties is where a guy's been around adult life enough to make an informed choice. That's when I swallowed the anchor.

[Night Pumpkin]

It's hard to know the right time, but remember this: It's not worth rushing into marriage if one partner is not ready for it...that is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes it's better to wait...

[RayKay]

I remember reading somewhere in a study (and I am not saying this is case, just repeating what I heard!) that women for most part want to marry when they meet right person, and that men will marry the right person when they are ready...

 

I think men may tend to be "ready" when they feel more settled and organized in their career/social lives and they reach a point where they just know they are ready, and select a partner with that in mind. Now this may be with the person they are with at that time, or if they are not with anyone with the next "right" one whom comes along, or it may mean they know their current partner is not that one.

 

I have seen this happen in a couple male friends of mine actually. One of them for example knew he was ready to get married, and have family (he was 31). The next woman he started dating he proposed too 9 months later and they are getting married next month. Of course she is a great woman, and they are great together, but I think if he was not ready emotionally for marriage it would not have happened that quickly either, if at all!

[kate111]

Hmmm. Interesting.

 

I'm not dating anyone under 30 anymore.

[RayKay]

Ah, well it is not 30 for everyone. My other friend was 27

 

But I would say "around" that age is generally the more likely time they feel settled, particularly as their friends are settling down around then too.

[caro33]

I agree with RayKay about men marrying when they are ready to marry versus when they meet that one right person.

 

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this but I read in that book by the Sex and the City writers (I won't say the name) that a man is like a taxi, that it doesn't matter who he comes accross when he is not ready - his taxi just goes on by. But there comes a time when his "available" light blings on and then it's just a matter of the next "right" person to come along.

 

It's a completely different perspective to the over-romanticised version of "the one" that many women seem to have, and it also fits with my own perception/experience of how many men operate. They just reach a time when they are "ready" and there's not much you can do with them before then if it's solid commitment you're after.

[kate111]

Ahh. How depressing.

 

But after reading a bit of stuff on the net it seems there is two theories:

 

1. The taxi theory- a man is not ready to settle down until a certain age and then grabs a suitable woman when his settling down age happens;

 

2. A man can ALWAYS commit, if they say they can't it is an excuse they are using because they don't want to be with you.

 

So which is it I wonder? Maybe a bit of both.

[Dako]

My gut feeling is that some guys go through their 20s doing school, career, dating and nesting then decide to marry. They wish to have a wife.

 

Others intend to stay single, but one special woman comes along and they succumb.

[caro33]

Ahh. How depressing.

 

But after reading a bit of stuff on the net it seems there is two theories:

 

1. The taxi theory- a man is not ready to settle down until a certain age and then grabs a suitable woman when his settling down age happens;

 

2. A man can ALWAYS commit, if they say they can't it is an excuse they are using because they don't want to be with you.

 

So which is it I wonder? Maybe a bit of both.

 

 

Kate I didn't mean to be depressing, sorry!

 

I think it's a combination as well. I think it's the two options Dako mentions, plus a third option of some men just never want to settle down. The confirmed bachelors.

 

I would be surprised if the second and third options were the majority by the way, either in isolation or combination.

[kate111]

Alright so can a guy be too old?

 

Mine is late 30s.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

no set age everyone is different some feel it at 17 some feel it at 77...depends on the persons mindstste for example im 20 i want some loose wild girl and drink alchol right now obviously im not ready for a comitment cz i found my last commitment to be rather boring....like watching pint dry.....somoene else may be ready right now to be commted 2 someone

[lostNspace]

I think they START to settle down (in all areas) around age 28. Heck, even the auto insurance companies see this and guys can finally start getting decent insurance rates at 28. But, to be really ready, especially for anythint that is a long-term commitment, I would say probably 32.

 

This is for the general population. Like said above, some are family oriented and ready to settle down in their early-mid 20's, and some, well, some just never get there.

 

I also think a lot of it has to do with where they are career-wise. If they are still trying to get ahead at work, they aren't going to be ready for a relationship. Once they get to a comfortable position there, then they can start concentrating on other areas of life. Other things can affect it, too. A grandparent dies, a parent is diagnosed with a potentially serious medical condition, a friend from highschool finds out they have cancer.....these things tend to "wake" people up, too, and they start to value family more and see their own mortality. They realize life isn't just fun and games and partying every night. Plus, waking up on a tile floor next to the toilet gets old after awhile.

[kate111]

Haha. I like your last line about the tile floor.

 

Very useful info thanks!

[missklew]

Almost every man I have known who was married or still is was married between the ages of 24-26.

 

My ex 1st marriage at 24.

 

An old flame married at 25

 

Another old flame at 24

 

I work mostly with guys and they were all married within the age range and 2 others who are 26 just got engaged.

 

Wonder what it is about that age range?