Bf overworking cause for suspicion?

[Jlizzy]

Bf for about 8-9 months has a steady pattern of being home by around 5pm and his work is all done and dusted for the day..in fact often he goes to work very late or claims to his boss he's working from home.

 

Then suddenly he finds the confidential file his boss keeps on him which has some negative commentary about him including reasons why he won't make a good manager which is what he's aiming for...

 

Suddenly for the last 1-2 mths he's on time for work sometimes even early (understandably) but also at at time when you're trying to put some energy and focus into the relationship sometimes he's working late til about 8pm from work and if it's not from work well then he's working evenings at home...

 

You comment about how they're working him hard and he says well just has busy times sometimes..

You ask f it's related to his bosses comments and the answer is no..

 

Bear in mind your relationship has been marred by issues around your bf getting involved in drugs particularly a recently spate of 4 weekends in a row of cocaine and ecstasy, another issue is the lack of sex, affection and communication in the relationship that your bf doesn't see..he smokes grass daily...that amongst many many other things little and not so little...

 

I guess my questions are:

1- Should I be concerned now that this work thing is yet another cause for concern to the relationship?

Especially considering for example yesterday he made time for 2 friends and then when I tried to get affectionate with him suddnely he was full of excuses about having to work and then suddenly that was it he was tired and went to bed.

 

2-GUYS especially can you help me at all figure out how to read me bf???? He seems very disinterested in sex, affection, talking, sharing time yet when push comes to shove is full of talk about how nice the relationship is, how much he wants me, etc etc...

[Batya33]

I would worry far more about the drug problems and how that risks his job, his ability to stay out of jail and of course his ability to be in any kind of relationship that includes reliability and stability.

[Hope75]

Like Batya,

 

My first concern is that he's using marijauna on a daily basis and has been using cocaine and ecstasy every weekend for the last month. This is dangerous and risky behavior and could easily get him fired, hurt, or thrown in jail.

 

To me, those concerns are far bigger than the working too many hours- which is underdtandable and I think definitely related to him finding the file from his boss.

 

Are YOU worried about all his drug use??

[Daligal83]

I have to agree with Batya and Hope...I would be really worried about his interests more than his work ethic. In my opinion, you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who abuses drugs.

[caro33]

I'm also not a fan of the drug use and think that a big problem. Use of drugs like this looks like self-medication so he doesn't have to deal with himself or the world. Does he smoke a lot? What kind of smoker is he?

 

I have to say I know one productive stoner who can function in life, but she knew it was bad, and she gave it up. Her boyfriend was ready to leave her over it. The other stoners I know/knew are dropouts who can't take responsibility for themselves. They might have bursts of energy for a month or two but they drift back into drugs because it's easier. Those people are selfish by nature. Self-absorbed and self-pitying. What's your guy like in terms of his attitude toward his "rights" and your obligations? Does he think he has a "right" to do what he wants and ignore you, or does he seem sorry on some level?

 

Your boyfriend working harder is a good sign when taken in isolation, it shows he's becoming more responsible. But the other issues of the drugs and his attitude toward you are much bigger signs that this guy is probably not ready to settle down and have a mature or respectful relationship with you (or himself).

 

Some people get lazy because they've been together so long, like my functional stoner friend. But I think that 8-9 months is far too short a time for him to get so lax in his attitude toward you. If he's been taking drugs like you say for the past month, then it's been what - 7 months good maybe?

 

When did you move in together?

 

By the way could it be the grass that is making him less sexual and affectionate?

[Batya33]

If you live together are you prepared to be arrested along with him if he is found to possess drugs in your home?