Sex twice a week, makes me into a bad guy

[Uriel]

Hey,

 

Just out of curiosity im a 21yo male, still in my prime and my girlfriend and i have sex maybe twice a month if im lucky for the last 4 months, she has absolutely no sex drive she is super clingy and get frustrated when we do something separate.

 

We have been together for 1.5 years, and im getting the whip for trying just 2times a week for sex.

 

I dont think its asking for much but maybe it is,

 

What the feeling of Enotalone members ?

 

Uriel

[numbhead]

has it always been like this or has begun recently,

 

the same thing happened with my 2 1/2 yr rel! it was a sign that she had had enough of me,,, could be the same in ur case. if so, it might not be too late to save the relationship! step back and look at things from a distance and from her perspective!

 

i think most pple hit a point where it becomes boring and routine,,,, routine sucks!

 

maybe she is fedup because ur cricket team aint doing too well! lol only kidding mate.

 

just be careful of possible heartache, thats all im saying

[Jetta]

Is she on some kind of medication? Twice a month?! Something is wrong. IMO 3-4 times a week is normal. Your twice a week isn't enough.

[Uriel]

Maybe she is going off me, but ive moved to norway for her from australia. To be honest i owuld be up for sex 24/7 i have a super sex drive i just waste as much of that in the shower as i can so i can stay sane with her low motivation.

 

But no oits all just started in the last 4 months since i moved here and she started uni.

 

the problem is im finding sex terrible boring, the other major thing is she get s super jelouse and angry at me if a girl startes talking to me, weather it be out at a club or just in the super market. I got no idea whats goingon

[MrCrazy2u]

ALright, he said what I wanted to say, but in a nicer way, lol

[Uriel]

I like the way you put that, i have tried and i keep hitting a brick wall of stuborness. But ill take your advice and see where i can get things to go.

 

Cheers

[numbhead]

sorry to say this mate but u are in the axact same situation i was 4 months ago!

 

my gf went bk to uni and we were having a "wk end relationship"

 

she hated being on her own and the rest is history! just try ur best to understand the situation,,, she might be just waiting to let u down gently, try and get to the route of the problem NOW! some say relationships can run a course but i bet (just like me) u find it boring because she really ain interested anymore! it takes 2 to tango, theres nothing worse than doing it to a fridged! might as well not try at all!

[honeyspur]

Well naturally you want it 24/7- if you're only getting it twice a month!

 

Something tells me, if you got it once a day or once every other day on a regular basis, you'd calm down a bit.

 

But that's neither here nor there - there is nothing wrong with having a high sex drive - don't allow her to let you feel guilty.

 

This relationship may have to end. Simply because it's important for people to be on the same sexual level or close enough to compromise.

If she is needy and clingy, you might want to let her down easy, explaining in a calm voice, telling her you tried because you do care.

 

You can't change her. And most people with low sex drives have a judgement about sex in general. She may have particular ideas and feelings about sex that seem irrational.

Unfortunately, all you can do is delicately offer her some advice to change, but if she doesn't you must move on.

 

Compromise is possible - so if the love is strong - try it and encourage her too as well.

 

Most people who try to make a sexless relationship work either develop depression or end up cheating. Don't let this happen.

 

Good luck to you!

[numbhead]

just want to add... i hope you havent stopped living yourlife! she may have lost respect for you,,, u need ur own life away from hers so you have self respect and at least something to talk about!

 

hope this point helps!

[StarLily]

I thought once a day isn't often enough o.O

Yeah sounds like she is losing her interest in you. Maybe you should talk to her.

[rocio]

I think some of the posters on here have been rude. She has a low sex drive and that's perfectly normally. It doesn't necessarily mean that she's on medication, that she's not interested in you, or that she has any other kind of problem. That might just be who she is.

 

Wanting sex twice a week doesn't make you a bad person. But the way you ask for it might. Are you pushy? Do you insult her for not wanting it as often as you? Do you tell her she's boring you or make her feel unsexy?

 

If she means alot to you and you're determined to make the relationship work, I would suggest counselling. If you want to be with her, you may have to tone down your needs.

[Cardinal]

Every once in awhile I get a devious mind. Without more info about her, I'd probably recognize how very clingy she is and try to connect a need for emotional closeness to a need for sexual intimacy. And I would make that explicit non-verbally by backing off from sexual relations with her except when she made it very clear that is what she wants. Why express a sexual desire for someone who isn't interested in that? I doubt she is confused in any way. She knows you want it already. It is my humble opinion that a relationship with very little to no sexual intimacy becomes something closer to a companionship or friendship than anything else given enough time. Alternatively it may self-destruct.

 

Sex isn't sometihng she wants or needs from you now for whatever reason. Since she isn't interested in sex, give her an unbiased opportunity to see what it is like to be in a relationship without the desire. She may find it is not all she thought it was cracked up to be. You can't make someone want you or make them understand or respond to your needs. As long as you can keep your negative emotions somewhat under control for a brief space in time, this might actually work in your favor long-term.

 

Why don't you give us a more detailed explanation of the situation. Tough to do so much guesswork without more info on her. It could be that a lot of our advice is way off base.

 

Another thing I just noticed is how many of us, myself included are always problem solvers when it comes to low sex drive. I have taken it to the extreme to the point that I can have anywhere from very little sex drive to a 2-5 times a day sort of drive and ability. Often however, one partner could care less about being able to do that (no matter how easy it can be to do so). It is not what matters to them in life. They have other priorities and other issues to deal with. And it may not be 100% worth your while to play the role of engineer here.

 

A partner may not even care to understand why their sex drive is the way it is or why they may not even want to learn to compromise on it. Sometimes you just have to back off and let them come to you to fix things. People generally don't like to get unsolicited advice. They sure do listen better when they manage to perceive that there is a problem and come asking you for help to make things better! Again this may not apply at all to your situation...just thought I'd throw that out there if it benefits anyone.

[Karhu]

 

But the way you ask for it might. Are you pushy? Do you insult her for not wanting it as often as you? Do you tell her she's boring you or make her feel unsexy?

 

 

sex is obviously an issue her in the relationship, and probably the main thing that turns a girl off from sex is pressure and an expectation to perform. getting angry at her or playing mind games with her will only make it worse.

 

just like in many other threads here people say in their OP that their partner wants some space, and what should they do. and the responce is that if you chase them and don't give them the space then they won't come back.

 

the same is happening here with the sex. you making this into an issue is probably one of the main factors that makes it worse.

 

maybe forget about it, and look at the relationship, what can you two do to make the realtionship work smoother, build on the emotional side, the closeness etc. when she feels loved, unjudged and free to express herself then she'll probably be more comfortable in the bedroom and you'll probably end out with more action.