Am I just thinking about this too much?

[rockon83]

I've known this girl for a few months, and liked her off the bat, but was going out with someone at the time. That ended, I saw this girl again at a party on a Sat nite (jan 27), and asked her out. She said yes. I called her tuesday (30th) to make plans, and we went out to shoot pool on sunday (feb 4).

 

I called her tuesday (6th) to say hey, see if she wants to go out again. I didn't hear back from her for a week, and was surprised, since I considered us friends from before, and figured she'd at least call back. Some mutual friends of ours talked me into calling her once more. I called and left another message on monday (12th). Not sure why, but whatever... I figured it was over.

 

She called back friday (16th) and apologized that she was so busy she would have only had time to call for 2 minutes and would've felt bad. I wasn't sure how much sense that made, but ok. Truth is she is in dental and school and is very busy, and had 3 tests during that week. She said she wanted to go out again.

 

We went out monday (19th) to dinner. When I dropped her off, I started to say, if you want to go out again, let me know, but she was already saying yes.. I called her thursday (22nd) and left a message. She did fly to seattle for the weekend for a wedding she is part of, so I know she is busy...

 

Maybe it's just me not being as busy as her, and thinking about it too much. But at the same time, I have a hard time reading her when we're out, if she likes me, and you would think if she was into someone she would at least make time to call them for a few minutes at least every other day... I want to take things slowly, but I'm trying to figure out if there is anything here...

 

The other thing I dont know about, is when or how to ask her to be my girlfriend... Every other relationship I've had it just kind of happened... This time I feel like I'm going to have to ask her...

 

Any feedback is appreciated

[emma34]

I'm sure one night when your together you'll know when it's the right time to ask her to be your girlfriend. No rush.

 

Keep going with her and don't give up - it is possible she is just really busy right now. But on the other hand, after 2 messages and she hasn't called back...well, thats enough.

[addictedblue]

she probably figures she's the girl and thereforeeee doesn't need to do any calling whatsoever. or she likes you and wants to see how often you call so she can see you definitely like her. or she's not into you. or, she might be as busy as she says she is. theres tons of possibilities. you'll never know unless you ask.

[bighair]

Hey, I feel your pain....we've all been where you're at...I think you should let her call you. If you like this girl, then by all means, pursue her. Dental school is insanely busy. I'm not a dentist...I'm a lawyer and when I was in law school, I had a very hard time thinking about anything but school. I was always surprised when I get asked out on dates because I was so stressed about studies and getting good grades and just freaking passing.

 

so, let this one breathe a while. you've left messages. you don't want to come accross as needy or desperate. you wouldn't want someone in your face asking you out all the time do you? as far as asking her to be your GF, well, like I said, you've got to let go a little bit and just see what happens.

I've seen relaitionships move at very different paces. Just relax a little bit and enjoy the ride. What will be will be!

[ghost69]

let her call you for the next one. that will let you know that she wants your company. or maybe she is broke and wants you to take her to dinner. i mean, she is in dental school.

 

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[Parsley]

I agree that you should let her call you. And to trust your instincts about it all as well! I've found a lot when I post I realise by the time I've got some replies I knew exactly what I was thinking all along.

 

With regards to when to ask about being your girlfriend...just let it pan out naturally, don't plan it too much.

[rockon83]

let her call you for the next one. that will let you know that she wants your company. or maybe she is broke and wants you to take her to dinner. i mean, she is in dental school.

 

 

nah, on the 2nd date she paid for the cab to the restaurant and offered to pay for dinner and the cab back, but i of course refused her and paid...

 

it's just a bit frustrating trying to figure out her thought process... i'm thinking if i should ask her bout it next time we speak, but am unsure if it's a good idea, or how to even approach it, as we're simply just starting to date...

[Karhu]

as the others said, it's her turn to return the call. Especially after two messages. i normally like it if i try to call someone and they don’t pick up, and then they see my number on missed calls and then call back. if you call 2-3 times every time she doesn't respond then she'll learn to rely on you being the one doing the work for the calls and so will know that she doesn't feel obliged to be polite and call back as you'll call her a 2nd, 3rd time etc. that's a bad path to go down.

 

the busy excuse doesn't hold up. That’s what people say when they are busy and only slightly interested in someone. you want someone who is crazy about you. Then it doesn't matter how busy they are, they'll want to keep in contact with you. there is always at least 1 min to write a SMS and say you're busy and will call soon etc. i've dated very busy girls and when they are interested they'll make time, even secretly writing a SMS in the middle of one of their staff meetings etc.

 

if you want to know if she's interested in you then look at the body language, especially in the eyes.

 

the same goes with her becoming your girlfriend, it will just happen naturally over time if you are both interested, and the chemistry is there, getting a lot of eye contact, feeling more comfortable over time, etc. when taking it slow i find holding hands is often a good first step along that path, you'll know she wants that by the way she has her hands while talking to you, exposing the wrists, palms up, body directed at you etc. you will know when she wants it. then the simple act of holding her hand will say that we are now going down the dating path. kisses and the rest will follow with time.

 

in the end the way to judge her interest always comes down to her actions and body language. sorry to say but if she's not returning your calls and the body language isn't there then she's probably just not that into you.

 

also the dating game is about the chase, one chases and the other pulls away. if you are always chasing then she will always be pulling away, the way to get her more interested in you is to turn it around, get her to do the chasing and you to do the pulling away. then she won't simply consider you as being easy and that she already has you wrapped around her finger, funny enough it actually builds attraction if a woman feels like she had to work hard to get you.

 

 

 

 

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"Let deeds not words be your adorning"

-Bahaulah

[rockon83]

as the others said, it's her turn to return the call. Especially after two messages...

 

also the dating game is about the chase, one chases and the other pulls away. if you are always chasing then she will always be pulling away, the way to get her more interested in you is to turn it around, get her to do the chasing and you to do the pulling away. then she won't simply consider you as being easy and that she already has you wrapped around her finger, funny enough it actually builds attraction if a woman feels like she had to work hard to get you.

 

I left two messages between the 1st and 2nd dates... Since the 2nd date (19th) I left only one message (22nd)... She called tonight (27th), I was on the subway, and got her VM. I didn't get a chance to call back yet, and as your second paragraph says, maybe it's better that she got my VM instead of me answering... So letting her chase means what? Now I should start waiting a week before calling her back? ... At this stage in the game I don't feel she's worth the hassle of playing head games with....