SexySadie7 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 I hope I'm not offending anyone here but for awhile I've sort of been wondering about this guy me & my friend know sexual orientation. He's a very nice looking guy. He's nice and lean with a pleasant face, he's also very neat in person and the way he keeps his house. He's been married and had children so I know he's already been in a serious relationship with a woman.. but.... He doesn't really seem eager to have a relationship or really even a steady sexual thing with my female friend. She's been very friendly to him, gave him her phone number, he's invited her down to his place a couple of times. They even went out to eat a time or two, but he's not eager to call her. Nor will he bother to go see her. She says she goes over there and acts very friendly and dresses a bit seductively so he'll make a pass, but they will sit there for hours, she says, just watching television and him not even hardly noticing her or passing a pass or any affection. I've met him and he's very laid back and seems nice.. but he doesn't seem like the pushy type to me. Still.... I can see her frustration. She says they've had sex a few times, (she sort of iniated it the first time), but he never seems eager to contact her to get together to have sex with him, even though she says he seems to really enjoy it at the time. She also says that after sex, he seems withdrawn and even gets dressed right away sometimes, even though she is told him she's attracted to him and indicates she thinks he's very nice looking. She says he's not very affectionate either, except when they are having sex. Do you think that he's just not into her.... or that something else is going on here? She said he also had an incident of ED once, at first, again maybe caused by the medication he takes? I don't want to see her waste her time, because I know she likes him. Is there any way to find out if he might be bisexual without hurting his feelings? I don't know.. but most red-blooded hetersexual men that I know that are given the green light to have sex with a girl, will find no excuse not to have sex with her once he knows she's willing to have sex with him. To her knowledge she also doesn't think he's seeing anyone else either. She says that he works alot of long hours too though, so maybe that is why. I know she's told me that he takes prescription drugs sometimes to stay up at work, so maybe that affects his libido. What do you think men? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Two of my serious boyfriends do not believe in sex without a commitment -- so they would decline to have sex in that situation and they are 100% hetero. I know of other guys like this. One of my other serious boyfriends had an extremely high sex drive with me. One year after we broke up, he came out of the closet. Never showed any signs of being gay. In your friend's case it sounds like he's not that into her. Maybe she's too aggressive for his taste. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 From what you're describing it sounds like the guy is depressed. It's a possibility that he is bisexual, or he may be depressed, or he may simply be straight and uninterested in your friend. Either way, I think it's fairly clear that he's not interested in your friend so I don't know why she would want to keep pursuing him. There isn't really any way to determine whether someone is bisexual or gay without asking them outright, unless you catch him making out with/checking out guys. For the time being, I think if you friend really feels this is worth pursuing, she should probably ask him if he feels attracted to her or something of that nature. Honestly the signs seem to indicate no, but it is her call to make. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 I'm not sure my post is coming accross correctly. She did show the initial interest, but he seems to come to the plate at first, calling her and inviting her over a few times. Again, if he wasn't interested at all, then why would he want her over? Just to be a buddy? I don't know.. my friend is a nice looking girl and very sweet, but she did find the guy attractive. Since he seems a bit shy she just sort of gave him clues she's interested i guess. I don't know though.. some of the things he's said and the way he thinks of things makes me wonder too if he's not gay, or bi. He's not very brave about stuff and seems to think that the girl should make all the first moves. He told my friend to call him! I'm just shocked that a str8 guy would expect a girl to call him and not wanna drive to go see a girl who obviously wants to have sex with him. From the male standpoint, any clues as to his behavior? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Honestly, he's just not into your friend. His sexual orientation matters nothing after that fact. And why would he drive to a girl when he can get her to go to him? She is doing all the work and that suits him down to the ground. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 No.. I don't know if I'd said that he's just not into her. I have seen them together and he seems like he genuinely likes her. I'm just not sure he really likes he that much in a sexual way..although she says the sex is pretty good. She also says he doesn't seem to really want to have oral sex with her, or even touch her down there... I don't know.. none of this seems like normal heterosexual behavior to me... Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 Another reason I ask this question is there are alot of homosexuals in our town. It's just a known fact. If the guy is good looking and single, chances are strong in this town, he's gay, just given the fact that, honestly, it's pretty hard to find a str8 nice looking single guy in this town if you are a str8 girl. It's kinda hard to believe that this guy has been single this long, unless he's got some other issues, seeing how attractive he is, and how few attractive str8 single guys are in this town, unless he is incredibly picky. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Why is it so important for him to be gay and treating your friend oddly? If your town has such a big gay community, wouldn't he be out there meeting men? And he might really like her as a person, and just not want to be bothered with a relationship or sexual thing with her. Lots of straight men have issues with oral also. He might be gay, he might not. But however he is identifying, that's what he is. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 I didn't mean totally gay. I meant bisexual I guess. Obviously if he's had children and is having sex with my friend he likes women on some level sexually. But I'm just wondering why it seems to have been so long since he's been in a meaningful relationship if he's not gay? I mean, i think he's as cute as a bug's ear too, so why some girl hasn't snatched him up is beyond me! Link to comment
fredv3b Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Doesn't really sound to me like he is gay. If were gay and in denial he ought to be trying to have a relationship, albeit unsucessful, with your friend. Whereas he seems just not to be bothered. I don't think it matters if he is bisexual. He still may or may not be into her. May be he just isn't into your friend and is just using her for sex since she is so keen or can't bring himself to say that he isn't actually interested in her and is hoping she will get the hint eventually. To be honest though I wonder whether its something else going on in his life. Long hours, depression, money worries, death/illness in the family, etc. Just my thoughts Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Well. it's hard to say.. he does work really long hours, like 12 hr shifts, sometimes more. And she doesn't really think he's got anyone on the side, since he doesn't seem to have the time. Besides he does take care of his kids part time. She just cannot figure out why he keeps asking her over if he's really not interested in her....which I can understand. I mean, if you aren't too keen on someone, then why bother to ask them over to your house? But, he does seem to have issues about stuff. And she wonders if the prescription pills he takes does not affect his mood or his sex drive. I do have one good male friend who's on anti-depressants and he says it just kills his sex drive. He couldn't care less. I wonder if the same thing is going on with this guy... or he's too tired to have sex? I know women often suffer from this syndrome. Also can anti-depressant or some prescription drugs, like pain killers and sleeping pills affect one's sex drive also in males? Link to comment
fredv3b Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Also can anti-depressant or some prescription drugs, like pain killers and sleeping pills affect one's sex drive also in males? As far as I know both antidepressants and sleeping pills can occasionally do that, but then again so can being depressed and being unable to sleep properly. Perhaps your friend needs to have a serious talk with him. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 Well, I'm sure he sleeps properly, even though he has to do it during the day because of his job. She says he doesn't really seem depressed. He's got lots of friends and seems quite animated when he talks to them. He's just got this, "I don't give a damn" attitude about whether they have sex or not, even though often my friend says, he does iniate it. I don't know... she's just getting kind of tired of putting all this energy into a guy who doesn't seem to have the energy to go anywhere or come see her. He was very friendly to her for awhile, but it seems that sometimes he couldn't care less if she's there or not, and he's the one who's invited her over! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 How often does he call her before thursday morning and say "are you free Saturday night? I'd love to see this play - would you be interested? I'll make dinner reservations nearby and call you tomorrow to confirm time and place, ok?" Or something like that. Inviting her over requires no effort on her part and her showing up when he says "sure why not, come over" just reinforces for him that she does not expect to be treated like someone he is dating or courting. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted March 1, 2007 Author Share Posted March 1, 2007 Well.. the reason we are wondering bout his sexual preference is that we live in an area with tons of homosexual guys. The fact that someone this cute isn't living with someone or has a steady girlfriend he wants to take to lots of places (cuz they've already gone out in public at lesat a couple times) makes us wonder. There aren't very many single str8 guys in our area to start with, and usually they get snatched up right away. The competition is fierce in our town for single str8 guys, especially cute ones, as there really aren't very many str8 guys available. He's a wuss about alot of stuff too.. Stuff that most guys just deal with. It's just weird..... he doesn't like motorcycles, cuz he thinks they are too dangerous, he doesn't ever want to do anything risky as far as sports.... He doesn't seem to have too many female friends, nor does my friend ever really hear him talking positively about any females, including his mom. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 None of that says "gay" to me. And it sounds to me like he just doesn't want a gf. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 None of that says "gay" to me. And it sounds to me like he just doesn't want a gf. I totally agree. Link to comment
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