I don't know where to look for advice...

[Teulada]

I am not gay, I am not lesbian, nor bisexual or transgender.

 

Let me explain.

 

I am desperately in love with my husband's brother

Most posters in most forums are truly shocked by this and eventually, I feel like I am not welcome.

 

I thought you people are bound to be an open minded group; more open minded than the others and there really is no place for someone like me to ask for advice.

 

The minute I share my story (not much of a story, actually...) I am like leper...

 

Will you make an exception and let me post here?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I think people will be understanding because you don't always choose your emotions. But they may not understand if you act on them. Remember that you can make decisions and you can choose not to do things that are wrong. And you can, believe it or not, choose to turn emotions off, or at least redirect them.

 

If you doubt the latter concept, think about people who are desperately in love with someone who does not return that love. They can either spend the rest of their lives in hopeless and unfulfilled love or they can choose to gradually heal from the situation and re-channel their emotions ready to fall in love with someone who will fall in love with them.

 

In your case, you should think about giving up the idea of your brother-in-law, healing from the sense of loss and redirecting your emotions to where they truly belong - your husband.

 

It is not easy to control or divert emotions - but it can be done with the proper effort of willpower.

[rabbitskin]

Teulada,

Yeah, I noticed that you got a bad rap over on another thread, when you said that you had been attracted to your husband's brother for 20 years, and never done anything about it... I thought that was a little strange, considering that you've never been unfaithful, and basically kept your marriage vows despite extreme temptation.

I, for one, would rather that you posted your feelings here than kept them bottled up inside. That's why this forum exists, right? No-one here is going to tell you to have an affair, but at the same time, this is a forum for listening as well as talking, and working through difficult emotions. You should feel free to do as everyone else does, to ask for and receive advice. I hope that we can help you through this.

[Teulada]

Thank you for you reply.

 

I do not intend to act on these feelings, but sharing might help, at least those days where things are quite bad. But people whose love is the "conventional" kind tend to be very harsh with me.

[Teulada]

Rabbitskin,

 

Thank you. Yes, we've known each other for ages. I have always known he liked (lusted?) and cared for me, while I have only began to fall for him the last few years.

[Strange]

In my GSA group at schoool we've got like these activity suggestions sheets for how to deal with things like unrequitted love. Most of them are pretty lame. But one of them is list everyhting about the person you like. you know, brake it down into specifics rather than just 'I love him'. Then you're supose to focus on looking for traits like that in other people. Maybe you could make two lists one for your hosband and one for your brother in law and compare them and that would help.

[pianoguy]

Hi teulda,

 

I'm sorry about your situation... that's pretty awful. I'm also sorry that the rest of the group didn't treat you well.

 

Another thing I would suggest is severely limiting contact with the brother-in-law. It's easier to get over someone when you don't see them much.

 

Also- he has no business making moves on you. I'm not sure if you said he is or not, but if he does you need to tell him to back off in no uncertain terms.

[pianoguy]

Out of curiosity- strange, what else was on the pamphlet?

[Lboogie23]

Welcome to enotalone! I don't think its fair to judge a person in an advice forum. I mean this is the one place that we should feel comfortable going w/ out being judged. I hope you will be happy here. And by the way, even if you did have an affair with your husbands brother, its not for anyone to pass judgement on, only listen and give the best advice they could. good luck!!!